Abusive behaviour?

[Chooseanametouse]

been with a guy for 2 years. We don't live together

First year was great, he was always so nice and loving, but The last year any argument he "ends it", the arguments usually tend to start with him accusing me of wanting other guys or, If I ask questions, about Anything!!

If i ask him anything or try to talk about something thats bothering me (could be about our relationship in general), he instantly gets defensive and says things like it's my guilty conscious and I'm actually the one 'starting' or accusing him of cheating even though I hadn't accused him of anything... he gets adament he doesn't accuse me of anything and when iv pointed out to him of his accusations and then he says he only did it because iv accused him of things (which i have not) iv even shown proof of things when he's demanded to see my messages etc but doesn't do the same and has history of messaging girl friends and deleting them and telling me he's nothing to hide they just friends he don't have to show me nothing etc... he will always immediately get defensive, won't answer anything and quickly turns into him name calling me (bitch, nutcase, childish, dirty cheat, c* and so on....) I get upset and he says things like I will never change and he leaves me because it's all because of the things I do, when i ask him what he means by what I do again he doesn't answer and I'm left totally confused..
He says things like I'm not to be trusted.. though I haven't so much as looked at another guy yet I see him oggling and staring at women all the time :(

I don't know why I'm posting I guess I just need to hear it that I'm not crazy and that this behaviour isn't right.. it's abusive, isn't it?

Hope you are ok today, OP. He's obviously hurt, which is why he keeps lashing out at you. He is reacting like this because he can't handle rejection. But stay strong and keep blocking him x

Jesus sounds like ex!! is his first name Matthew?

and Run as far as you can! It took me 7 years! Don't waste your time!

No wasn't called Matthew lol

I feel like rubbish today.. he's managed to message again through another number saying he loves me and hopes we can sort us and hes sorry.... then followed by a "well fuck you then I deserve better" when I ignored it :(

@Chooseanametouse - you're doing really well to stay so strong. This man is an abuser; this nastiness is not okay and not how good men behave, even when upset. As previously mentioned, you may want to consider reporting him to the police and/or applying for a non-mol if this continues, particularly if you are starting to feel scared. Is there anyone IRL who can give you a handhold, even if only virtually?

Well, that just sums him up, doesn’t it. This is the cycle of nice / nasty you would have to put up with if you stayed with him.

You don't love him. You've become addicted to the constant break up/make up from him. He's using you as an amusement. He'll become increasingly annoyed at your ignoring him. You're not playing his game, you see. He wants you to go running after him so he can continue his abuse. His 'toy' (you) isn't playing right.

Stay strong. Break the addiction.

@Chooseanametouse

he's managed to message again through another number saying he loves me and hopes we can sort us and hes sorry.... then followed by a "well fuck you then I deserve better" when I ignored it :(
God what an idiot! (Him that is!)! If he can do better why doesn't he? You can do far better than this emotional leech. Even if you couldn't, staying alone would be immeasurably better.

It may, however, get to the stage where you'll need to report him to the police for harassment.

I think him being nice is called hoovering.
“ Hoovering is a powerful, manipulative tactic narcissists use when they feel threatened about losing you and the relationship. In this process, they enter back into your life and utilize whatever strategies they can to suck you into their manipulation (just like a Hoover vacuum).”
Stay strong and stay away and save yourself years, perhaps decades of torture.

I'm sorry for losing my temper but you are unbearable

See what he did there? Gives an apology with one hand (I'm sorry) and metaphorically slaps you round the face with the other (but you are unbearable). He's turning it all round and making you believe that it's your fault he is an abusive bastard.

It's NOT your fault. Nothing you have done has made him like this. He's just a nasty piece of work. They're all nice in the beginning, you'd never go out with them otherwise.

If he manages to message you again in some other way, then send just one reply: "It's over. Do not contact me again" and then block him.

Whenever anyone apologises to you and follows it up in the same sentence with the word "but..." then you know they are being insincere and are not really apologising at all.

He sounds like mine. He would accuse me of cheating and called me a slag etc, demand to know where I'd been etc. Then he would go back to being nice and I would try to forget what he'd said until it happened again. Yet he was the one contacting other women and blamed me for it as I upset him and he wanted to piss me off. And I would react so it became a horrible cycle.
I think you should leave him as it's abuse and he is using your emotions to control you. Not loving behaviour.
It's better to be alone than with the wrong person.

Hope you're OK op and healing. Hope you can give yourself some self care/self love by doing things that make you happy. Enjoy your freedom that you can message who you want, and go where you want when you want to. Take care