Online dating - sporadic messages!

[wheresmolly]

So I've been chatting to this guy online for the last week or so. When I say "chatting" it goes something like this - he sent me a message first, I replied, then he replied to me about a day later, I then reply within a couple of hours, he then doesn't reply for about 24 hours... it's quite tedious! He does seem really nice and we have lots of shared interests and live close to each other. We had agreed to meet up earlier this week but postponed to the weekend as the weather wasn't so good. We'd said we'd meet this afternoon for a walk and I sent him a message on Thursday evening with a bit of chit chat and said could we meet in town (I thought this was safer than somewhere rural). I can see he's been online this morning but has not replied to me. I don't want to sit around waiting for a reply all day. Shall I make other plans?! What if he then does reply and ask if we're still on? He might be the type to just put on a clean t shirt and walk out the door but I need some time to get ready, tame my unruly hair etc! Shall I just assume it's not happening?

He doesn’t seem interested or he may be married/living with a partner.

Make other plans and chat to other guys.

I don't think he's married or living with anyone as I've seen his social media - very much a single guy. He's also sent me a link to his professional website so he's definitely who he says he is (he lives right opposite my parents too and I've only ever seen one car there - we figured this out together, I'm not stalking him 😆).

I had this once, it's bizarre. It was impossible to get into a conversation when I Was waiting 2 days for each reply. I stopped talking to him.

@GreyGardens88 yeah meeting up aside, just the protracted conversation style is proving a bit boring!

Make other plans don't wait around. If he contacts you say sorry when you didn't reply I thought it wasn't happening so I'm busy now.

[quote wheresmolly]@GreyGardens88 yeah meeting up aside, just the protracted conversation style is proving a bit boring![/quote]
I think in the end I just assumed he wasn't into me but was just trying to be polite in responding, but I would rather he just ignored me so I could move on instead of stinging me along!

The thing is he's written quite long messages, and he was the one who first contacted me, and who suggested meeting up. So I just don't get why he'd keep sending me long, chatty messages (asking about my day, how my dogs are etc) if he's not interested?!

I think this can be normal with online dating. Most people are talking to multiple people, and keep a few conversations going to see who they are most interested in. Most chats then just fizzle out. If you are interested it’s best to try and meet ASAP, which you tried to do. Maybe try one more to make firm plans, but don’t take it personally if it fizzles out.

I hope I don't run into him round town now (I will at some point, it's really only a large village) awkward!

Chatting online and constantly projecting your best side is very different to a real life relationship/dating. He doesn't seem to be making you feel good or happy today, you have to decide whether you're willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Some would, some wouldn't. Always teach people how you want to be treated

Just get on with your day and if he does contact you later on to meet up, say you're now busy but are willing to arrange something (if you are). If he doesn't contact you all day but then restarts communications again in a day or two, you'll know he's just a timewaster, and don't get sucked in again.

And it doesn't have to be awkward if you see him around - you haven't done anything to be embarrassed about. If he isn't properly interested, his loss.

I can see he's been online this morning but has not replied to me. I don't want to sit around waiting for a reply all day. Shall I make other plans?! What if he then does reply and ask if we're still on?

This is not a good start. Just go and do what you want to today. Do not sit around waiting for a reply. If he wanted to go out for a walk with you today he would have contacted you to say so. And if he does want to go for a walk but just hasn't got round to telling you yet it sounds like he's a bit flaky and you'd have constant bother with this sort of thing - waiting for him to confirm an arrangement and before you know it, you've wasted a whole day.
Sounds too much like hard work and he's probably in contact with several people and waiting to see what offers he gets for today before deciding which one to go for.

He's talking to other people and just keeping you in the loop in case of need . I had a guy like this . Ditch him .

He's keeping options open.

I think this is quite normal for online dating..I have literally just got into this myself and having come out of a longterm (bad) relationship I sort of expected quicker responses but I keep reminding myself I dont actually know these people and they owe me nothing, I have no idea how they live there lives and not everyone is stuck to their phone....it helps me anyway 🤣

Are you still chatting to other guys?

I've had this before, you think there're interested but they make you wait more than 24 hours for a reply, I think they can't be interested enough.
Mine never got a date because I blocked him! should of tried harder then lol.
Don't be too available last minute for them either as they will always treat you as a doormat.

Did you go for the Sat pm walk OP? Or did he just ghost you?

I didn't reply that quickly, depends a bit on your age maybe but when I'm at work or with friends I would not be texting.

Many are dating or talking to several other people.
Keep your date preparation simple and quick
Once I went on a date sometime ago with a charming man who had a string of dates from 10am- 6pm I know it is all trail and error but really.

Its very frustrating. The ones who appear interested in their messages but barely ever message. I had a guy like this and I was really interested in him but he would go for days without being on the app and replying. I do think he just wasn't in a hurry but I gave up in the end. You should not have to chase someone.

Update! So having messaged him on Thursday about the date on Saturday, I then heard nothing, until last night (Monday). He sent me this message:

"Hey..really sorry for lack of message! My nan passed away Friday and although I wasn't particularly close I had family stuff to concentrate on😳 how was your weekend?? Hope there was no scary guys in cars involved..or just generally scary date guys either😳😳😂😂"

(The scary guys in cars is a reference to a previous message when I said I'd been walking my dogs and saw a strange guy sat in his car and I wasn't sure if he was watching me)

Now I'm not sure what to make of it all! Yes, totally awful if his nan did die, of course it's very sad. But surely you'd have the clarity to send someone a message to cancel a date?

I hope in the nicest way, his nan did pass away, otherwise that's a terrible excuse.
I think he should have contacted you earlier than that tho.

Imo he sounded a bit too bright and breezy for his nan having died, close or not.

Not sure why he didn't message you back on Thursday, if that's the case . I'd probably stalk his family's social media a bit if possible.