Online dating - sporadic messages!

[wheresmolly]

So I've been chatting to this guy online for the last week or so. When I say "chatting" it goes something like this - he sent me a message first, I replied, then he replied to me about a day later, I then reply within a couple of hours, he then doesn't reply for about 24 hours... it's quite tedious! He does seem really nice and we have lots of shared interests and live close to each other. We had agreed to meet up earlier this week but postponed to the weekend as the weather wasn't so good. We'd said we'd meet this afternoon for a walk and I sent him a message on Thursday evening with a bit of chit chat and said could we meet in town (I thought this was safer than somewhere rural). I can see he's been online this morning but has not replied to me. I don't want to sit around waiting for a reply all day. Shall I make other plans?! What if he then does reply and ask if we're still on? He might be the type to just put on a clean t shirt and walk out the door but I need some time to get ready, tame my unruly hair etc! Shall I just assume it's not happening?

Yeah all a bit odd whatever the truth is!

I did reply but just said "Hi, I'm really sorry to hear that. I had a nice weekend thanks, made the most of the lovely weather." and left it at that!

Sounds like a good reply to me.
Always a bit suspicious of people dying to excuse rudeness. Am on a FB dodgy horse dealers group and some bloke sent a text to a seller supposedly from a friend to say he (the would-be horse buyer) had been in an accident and died - apparently because he had changed his mind about buying the horse after messing about, and it was easier to pretend to be dead.
So we shall await developments.

Good reply!

The thing is he didn't have a good track record of messaging anyway and it only takes a few seconds to send a message to cancel. Keep your options open op

Well he did apologise and maybe his family members were upset and his priority. I would (possibly) give him another chance, however , if his nan hasn't died he's a nutter. It does sound a bit strange though. He's apologising for lack of message not lack of date?

I'm not sure how I can give him another chance if he doesn't even try to rearrange or bother to communicate other than a couple of brief lines...

Oh, I though by him instigating contact he was automatically asking for another chance , why would he bother contacting you otherwis? Either his nan did die and his mind was elsewhere but he did orginally agree to the date in saturday or... His nan didn't die ( awful man) and he's made up an excuse to cover up for the lack of contact so you would keep talking to him ..... The idea that he just ghosted you because he wasn't interested doesn't fit into either scenario.

I could be naive though, and he just likes messing people about.

It's online dating. Not everyone is glued to their phones. Nor are they always on the app/website. When I used tinder, I would not use the app for days at a time.

I think his reference to you dating other guys (‘scary date guys’) is him checking out of your interactions - showing he’s fine with the idea that you have other options and not just him. I can imagine I might say something similar if I was losing interest.
And your message back is fine but is quite ‘closed’ and asks no questions so don’t be surprised if he doesn’t reply.
All this is very typical of online dating and is why it’s so important not to develop any expectations/feelings before meeting anyone. Onwards and upwards!

The only place you should be settling for a flake is standing by an ice cream van my dear 🍦

Cut all these long awaited conversations out, op.
Next message
"Have really enjoyed our chats. Let me know when youre free for a meet in person."
Shut it totally down. If he's into you, he will be coming back with a date and time and voila.
Right now im on mumsnet because its passing time and im mind numbingly bored.
After this, I might be having a great time and not think about mumsnet for 24+ hours. Its a time passer.

Sounds like your his time passer in this situation.

Take control. You dont want a penpal. You want a date.

....if you do bump into him in your village. Eye contact. Breezy smile. Prehaps a hello. Walk on bye.

No dramas.... and absolutely do not feel the need to change/propone your plans/life waiting to see "if he will message"

*by

Your not the only person he is speaking to or he is already in a relationship

Sounds like a weirdly jokey email for someone who was so bereaved a few days ago they couldn’t manage even a 30 second text to say they couldn’t make it. The previous delays in replying doesn’t suggest he’s very interested, I’m afraid. Your reply was fine, but I wouldn’t bother texting him again. Start looking for other irons in the fire, this one doesn’t sound as if it’s going anywhere.

I think this is problem with online dating. Most women use it to find a relationship, most men use it as means to have access to women on tap.

He was keeping his options open and probably went out with someone else on Saturday but didn’t want to bin you off in case it didn’t go well.
Very weird message if his nan did actually die. I’d look elsewhere if I were you, this does not look like a goer.

So I had heard from him again, only took him
FOUR days to reply this time

"Thanks for saying. Hope you've had a good week? I'm just sat in my hammock in the garden and it is roasting!! What's your plans for this weekend?"

Still not getting a great feeling about this one

Honestly tell him to fuck off your not interested in a pen pal.

What a narcissistic twat!

It sounds like he's only texting when he's bored. God people are so annoying. Having said that I can't stand it when people text non stop. Go have a busy wknd and text him next week. And then leave it at that. It sounds like he's not making the effort he should.

Can I just say I'm going through the exact same thing with someone at the moment and it's so frustrating. We've already had a date and he asked me
On a second but I literally don't hear from him for weeks at a time. So I've blocked and moved on.

I honestly wouldn't reply at this stage. Its getting beyond tedious. He needs to either fish or cut bait. He's using you when he's bored, I would just let it go.

Also, talking about the weather? He can't do better than that? I think as you live in the same village you're aware it's warm? .

What age is he?

Its online dating. Decide where your boundaries are and stick to them. Before you meet or even after one date you don't owe them anything and they don't owe you. If its not making you feel good, block/unmatch and move on.

I'm 12 months in. I might be out soon. Its exhausting and mildly depressing.

Yeah, he's not actually interested.

I don't think I am either. Just too much like hard work and no fun! If this is what it's like getting to know someone in the first couple of weeks, I'd dread to think how little they'd bother after a few months or years!

He's not that interested. If he was he'd reply ASAP.

Just don’t reply. He’s made zero effort. He’s out you on the sub bench and msg’s when he fancies a boost. Not great!