If finances were no object, would you like to live on your own?

[rubyleemurray]

Just wondering how many people would prefer to live in their own house and their DP had their own house too, given the choice.

Pros:
-no requirement to adhere to someone else's standard of cleanliness or to put up with someone else's mess

• seeing each other becomes a conscious choice
• lots of peace and quiet and alone time when needed
• choosing own decoration and furnishings

Cons:

• missing each other if you have busy schedules
• not being seen by the rest of the world as a "serious" relationship

[Somethingorotherorother]

@GreyGardens88 Yes I think most couples only live together for financial reasons.

Seriously? You really believe this? You don't think people live with their partners because they love them and want to share a life with them?

I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for an internet stranger in my life, what a truly miserable outlook.

[Beetlewing]

Yes please. We do have separate bedrooms which is important to me

[ExtremelyBoldSquirrels]

I don’t think most people live together for financial reasons. I’ve never lived with someone for financial reasons.

Before I met DH, I lived on my own (well, with my sons) in a really lovely house. I didn’t need DH to fund a lifestyle. I live with him (and married him) because I really like him and doing so makes me happy.

[MarshaBradyo]

No but I’d have a very spacious property that’d allow us to do our own thing

[unicornparty]

This is bizarre! Of course I want to live with dp. Why marry someone you don't want to live with? I wouldn't even want separate bedrooms.

[Somethingorotherorother]

@unicornparty thank you! I was starting to feel like I'm a little bit bonkers for marrying someone i actually like!

[JE17]

Absolutely not, I love living with my DH. With all the extra time together during lockdown I realised that I'm looking forward to being retired and spending much more time in each others company.

[WinterAndRoughWeather]

Yes I would quite like this. I like being on my own (well, with a copule of pets probably).

My partner and I usually sleep in separate rooms as I’m a very light sleeper / insomniac and he’s a fidgeter / snorer. We have said that it would be nice to have the space for us both to have a proper, permanent bedroom of our own each (i.e. not him having to sleep in the spare room and me therefore never sleeping when we have guests in there and he’s in with me).

I do sometimes daydream of living on my own. Not being single, just having a space entirely to myself most of the time. I’ve never had that, unless you count university dorm rooms.

[ComtesseDeSpair]

I used to think so - DP and I had been in a relationship but actively choosing not to live together for three years until recently. I moved into his at the beginning of lockdown, and actually we both really like it and will think about making it permanent.

There are lots of things I’ll miss though - like free reign to do as I please with and in my own space, but we seem to be pretty good at respecting the other’s space and autonomy so seems worth giving it a go.

[Psychoseverywhere]

Living just me and kids since I divorced 13 years ago and have never been happier. Will never live with a man again.

[jessstan2]

What BestiesBrownies said.

[WinterAndRoughWeather]

@Somethingorotherorother

I like my husband very much, I like a lot of people. All the same, he’s the only person whose company I can tolerate for more than a day and a half at a time.

I just enjoy solitude but have never had the opportunity to live alone, due to finances. Other than dorm rooms, I’ve lived in shared houses or with partners.

It would be nice to try living alone, but I don’t want to break up my marriage to do it.

[Alarae]

At 1am at night, when the baby is stirring and I am trying to settle her back to sleep but he is snoring like a thunderous elephant drowning out the white noise machine, I would love nothing more than having my own space!

During the day I quite like having him around though. I would never hear the end of it if I kicked him out and he had to sleep on his own as he gets lonely bless him.

[notheragain4]

No. DH goes away a fair bit with work, I am much happier and content when he's home. He's my husband and the person I want to share my life with, what's the point in living apart? We give each other space, we aren't on top of each other. We also split house work so it's genuinely harder work when he's away, I can understand if someone feels disrespected and does all the housework, but then that's a relationship issue.

[madcatladyforever]

My finances are fine and I own my own home so I do choose to live alone, men piss me off everytime.
Two unreliable husbands who treated me like a servant and a couple of compulsive liars before that.
I have lovely friends and relatives and don't need a man.

[TokyoSushi]

I'd like to carry on living here most of the time, but if I had a little flat, just for me that I could visit occasionally, decorated beautifully and offered complete silence, I would love it!

[Fishfingersandwichplease]

Haha yes especially during a global pandemic😂😂

[ILiveInSalemsLot]

I’m happy to live with dh but I would love a bigger house with my own bedroom where I could have the windows open every night with a lovely breeze blowing the curtains.
I’d just read in peace and sleep when I want.
Instead I have shivering husband who moans that it’s too cold and the shrieking of the birds wakes him up to early while he keeps interrupting my reading by telling me what’s going on in his mainstream and social media world then annoying me with his screen glare when I want to sleep

[okiedokieme]

No, hate living on my own. Moved in with dp after 5 months as he hates it too

[rubyleemurray]

I wonder if it's an introvert thing? I love my own space and peace and quiet. I love DP too, but there's definitely a balance to be had for me.

[Honeyroar]

No I love living with my husband. But I’d probably live alone if anything ever happened to him.

[dudsville]

I wouldn't, but I'm another here with my own bedroom and toilet.

[AnotherEmma]

Yes! I'd love adjoining houses or his n hers wings of the same house

Failing that a bedroom each, or just a room each that the other isn't allowed in, would do!

I'm not an introvert btw, I'm an extrovert, but crave my own space that I can organise how I want without DH cluttering it all up!

[rvby]

For many years I would have said separate residences would be ideal. We lived apart for the first 3 years.

Then one day I just missed him too much. We combined households in a home that's larger than is needed, we have our own spaces and can spread out/spend the day independently, which we both enjoy.

But I hate sleeping without him. Even if he is in the same house, it isnt enough and I feel very unsettled. I would want us to share a bedroom for sure. If in future that changed, we would adjust, it isnt something set in stone.

[MarkRuffaloCrumble]

I live separately from my DP of 8 years. We each have DCs from previous relationships so didn’t want to force them into the cons of sharing either.

I do miss him when he’s not here, but that can be a good thing, as I’m always pleased to see him when he comes over. I miss that feeling of being part of a team, and often wish we were in a different situation, but as things stand, it’s difficult to justify.

I definitely feel that our families (and indeed DP himself!) sometimes forget that we’re a couple, so invitations for dinner at the weekend etc don’t involve everyone. DP will often have impromptu Sunday lunch with his family, either at his house or theirs, and I’m not invited as I’m 20 miles away and it feels a bit ‘out of sight out of mind’. Sometimes I’m glad to be out of it, as I’m an introvert and wouldn’t want that sprung on me every weekend, but when I hear about it after the fact, I do feel a bit left out.

I feel like we aren’t seen as a ‘proper’ couple by friends and family, and maybe would like to get engaged just so that we have some legitimacy to our relationship! Still being someone’s “girlfriend” after 8 years feels a bit shit tbh! If we lived together we’d be married by now.

It is actually partially the finances keeping us apart, as I’m on a low income, so if we lived together and/or got married I’d lose my working tax credits and he’d end up having to subsidise that loss for me and supporting my DCs as well as his own. Although our joint living expenses would be less than our two separate residences, it would financially benefit me but not him if we moved in together. He talked about becoming a joint mortgage holder on my house to help me out, but because it would be his second home, he would have to pay thousands in stamp duty, so that has kept us apart too.

He wouldn’t necessarily object to offering me more support financially, but I imagine his DCs would, if their standard of living was lesser because of me and my DC. That could cause some resentment, and it would also leave me feeling beholden to him and shift the power balance.

My ideal for the future would be a big enough house that he can have his family get togethers and I can join in if I choose to, or take some space to myself when I need it. If we can’t do that, I think we’ll remain separate - him in a modest sized house and me in my own flat. I’m a little bit excited at the thought, but I know he’ll end up staying with me a lot if we do that as he’s rubbish at being on his own