I'm dating a guy scared of commitment...what do I do?

[slouchytee]

We met and for the first two months he was great.
I had no concerns.
Then he backed away saying I was becoming "too coupley for him"
He started texting less and being distant.
When I asked why ..he said it was getting too much so he was backing away.
Then I back off and he comes back.
Now we were ok for a bit then randomly he said I was getting "too full on " again so now he's backed off again.
Few words texts,not ringing me
I know soon as I stop texting he will be flooding me with attention.
It's exhausting
What would you do?

Dump him. Sounds hard work. And gaslighty.

Dump him

The thirty-something me would cling on, lost in the "sunk costs fallacy" and because I'd formed an emotional attachment to a loser.

The fifty-something me would give the thirty-something me a good shake, say "Are you on glue? Leave the bastard."

Seriously. Life is too short. Dump him, then you will be free to find someone who does value you.

You can't make someone want to commit to you when they're not yet at that stage in their life, or when you aren't the right person for them. It's not fair to them, and it's a waste of your time.

My dsis was strung along by a guy like this. After a few years he announced it was over as he'd met someone else & he was married within a year.
It was horrible to watch her trying to please him & do the right thing, like a demoralising game she could never win.
Utter scumbag, get out now. You're worth so much more.

It shouldn't be this difficult this early. If you know you want a relationship not a casual fling, then move on.

Run like the F*cking wind.

Don’t waste time trying to analyse his behaviour. That way you just end up excusing shitty behaviour.
If he wanted to be with you, he would be. Maybe he’s using you, maybe you’re an ego boost, who cares. Move on.

He's playing games with you. Dont be his toy, walk away and be happy.

Popped in to see if you'd dumped him yet. Hope you do!

I wouldn't date anyone,if there was all this texting involved. It's an unecessary addiction. But this man has told you he doesn't wish to get too close at this point.

My dp was a little bit like this. He is avoidant. At the 2 ish month mark, he started messing me around a bit, never said anything but I could tell he had gone cold.

I dumped him, nicely, and moved on.

A few months later once he realized I was not playing games and really was gone, something twigged and he started turning up in my vicinity, and we slowly started to date again. I kept dating other people and didn't put any eggs in any baskets. It took a year before we really cosied up. Now we live together, it's been 5 years. He is an amazing partner, devoted and wonderful. He just is avoidant, which isnt a flaw, just the way some folk are.

With people like this, you just have to let them go. If it's really meant to be, if they're really ready for it, it needs to be driven entirely by them. But regardless of that, of what happens in the end, you've still got to bin them!

Don't be the woman who tries to fix him. He isn't into you. Walk with your self respect in tact.

The hills are that way >>>

I dated a guy like this in my 20s. Dump him & forget him!

Leave.

My friend had this, it went on for about 2years.

They dated for about 4 months, he ended it and dated someone else, they got back together whilst he was seeing someone else then they broke up again, then he started using her as a booty call (she doesn’t wanna see it that way) then they got back together, then he ended it. Then back together for a while, then he ended it. They started sleeping together again, then I think after two years, they eventually (him calling it off completely) stopped meeting up and texting.

I wouldn’t bother at all. Why would you wanna date someone that goes back and forth? Date someone with consistency.

Leave.

But the longer answer is (and I have every sympathy) why do you need to check with other people? I can strongly relate as I don't trust my instincts very well... or more accurately, I prioritise fitting in around what the man wants while lying to myself that I'm fine with it.

I'm single and I want a committed relationship. I know now that above all else I need a man who wants the same (plus loads of other compatibilties and good traits of course).

There's no future with someone who's not on the same page.