Advice on very new relationship AIBU?

[summersolstice43]

I'm not even sure I should class this as a relationship just yet as we haven't know each other too long but have been dating and doing what we can during lockdown like walks, trips to the country, meals at each others etc. The thing is, on paper he is ideal for me, caring, hot, kind, good personality, loads in common, good values etc but theres a few things that don't sit right with me. eg he came to mine last night and pushed and pushed for sex, I said no but he wouldn't let it go asking why and seemed to go in the huff (I had to physically push him off me), I told him I wasn't ready and didn't want to rush into anything. I told him I don't just want sex, I want a relationship and he's said he wants the same but its not looking like that at the min. Also, he doesn't wash his hands when he visits the toilet, I made a joke about it (I didn't hear the tap, I presume you used hand sanitiser etc) and he laughed but still didn't wash them. He knows how clean I am, bordering on OCD especially now with this pandemic. I'm not sure if I should have a word with him or even how to approach it? Or just let it go and hope it gets better?

[summersolstice43]

@NCsonoOuting That's really interesting, thanks for pointing it out. I'd never thought about it like that. So, I'll not bother contacting him, even if it is to just point out why I don't want to see him. I guess deep down (or not so deep down) he knows why I've not bothered to reply to him. thank you

[summersolstice43]

@user135664323455 I've never said any of his characteristics were flattering, in fact I think totally the opposite. I know looking back on how he behaved Id be wrong to ever go there again. In fact last night when I got home from work and had chance to sit and think about the whole thing I cried so much as it could have gone horribly wrong. I'm a very independent person and I don't give into pressures like that so for him to think he could take advantage and do what he wanted shocked me. In the past he has told me how much he fancies me and that I'm hot etc but now I realise that was his way of grooming me so to speak.

So I don't think I really need to address anything in my own mentality before I start dating again, which wont be for a long time anyway as I now have a lot of trust issues.

[HelenUrth]

You could send him this Cup of Tea Consent video and then block him.

But please block him. What a disgusting creep.

[summersolstice43]

@HelenUrth I love that video, thank you. He's definitely getting blocked though. I shared something on FB earlier and within a minute he'd text me (I forgot I was friends on there with him, not now though) and his text goes unread.

[NCsonoOuting]

@summersolstice43 yup, don't even send him the consent /cup of tea vid, good though it is! Will probably be wasted on him.

[summersolstice43]

@NCsonoOuting Yes you're right, He's getting nothing more out of me now, I've already wasted too much time on him

[SoulofanAggron]

Either way I'm happy I don't have to deal with him even though I am tempted to text him and tell him exactly where he went wrong even if its just to save some other poor woman from the same thing.

I think that might be a good idea and also cathartic for you. But after you've said your piece immediately block him on everything so you don't get his messages back slagging you off etc.

[FinallyHere]

• a. realised what he's done,
  b. knows he's not going to get anywhere so moved on or
  c. clearly not interested*
  
  Please remember that, as before, there is another option, that he has better options at the moment and will be back when/if they go wrong.
  
  Can you see how contacting him to explain why you don't want to contact him is at best giving mixed messages, possibly even not absolutely sure about what you want.
  
  The best way out for you is to live a marvellous life. Anytime you waste thinking about him takes away from your efforts to build a much better life for yourself, the life you deserve. All the very best.

[summersolstice43]

@FinallyHere Thank you for your kind words. I have ignored him, hes not getting anymore of my time. I've got other things to worry about and I'll be very thankful that things didn't go any further and I'm here to tell the tale.