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Original poster

Is there an excuse for sexting (with a stranger)?

29 replies

differentname · 02/07/2020 20:39

Is it harmless?
For context -not a sexless marriage but everything pretty stale.
They should still talk about it first before doing online sex talk shouldn't they?

OP posts:
NoMoreDickheads · 02/07/2020 20:41

Yes. It is cheating otherwise.

GroovyGrove · 02/07/2020 20:41

I don't think they care enough to talk first

NoMoreDickheads · 02/07/2020 20:41

Are you ok OP? What's been happening? (If you'd like to share) xx

Ohnoherewego62 · 02/07/2020 21:19

It's a form of cheating for sure. These things regarding the sex should absolutely be discussed. If leaving is the next option, then so be it. Definitely better than cheating.

Which one are you?

Original poster
differentname · 02/07/2020 21:20

I'm the one who checked the phone and found out!

OP posts:
Ohnoherewego62 · 02/07/2020 21:22

What makes you question is it harmless?

How has it made you feel? Was an open relationship something you had discussed?

I hope you're ok FlowersBrew

NoMoreDickheads · 02/07/2020 21:25

So sorry to hear that. Sad How're you feeling? How've things been generally?

Crystalspider · 02/07/2020 21:30

It's not harmless if it hurts you
Its a betrayal, I guess you sensed something was off to check his phone?
It could be an ego boost (still wrong) or it could lead to infidelity, it would be hard to rebuild the trust

Original poster
differentname · 02/07/2020 21:52

We did discuss an open relationship before but hadn't come to a conclusion yet.
Things hadn't been great - difficult family circumstances. Been married over 20 years.
I thought we had come to an understanding- he wasn't meeting some of my needs in terms of communication and emotional support, I wasn't fully meeting his needs in terms of variety of sexlife etc
But a couple of months ago he decided he wasn't happy with it and brought up the open relationship thing.
Thing is it's just great isn't it - he can go online and get his sexual kick - where can I go to get love and emotional support?
The issue for me is/was that he still wants our relationship to be like we are young - constantly feeling horny etc
I want to feel loved and supprted and then I feel like I want to be close in other ways, but he doesn't have that in him

OP posts:
Original poster
differentname · 02/07/2020 21:53

He had become more secretive with his phone which made me suspicious.
What sickens me is that he is doing these chats while sitting in the same room as our youngest!

OP posts:
Ohnoherewego62 · 02/07/2020 22:03

Op that's horrific.

He was basically telling you a couple of months ago what he was about to do. There wasnt a discussion from him. It was a warning.

What's your thoughts on it now? Do you want to work through this?

From your post what I've noticed is that hes not prepared to meet your basic needs yet he's gone out of his way and sneakily so to meet his own.

Alfiemoon1 · 02/07/2020 22:06

No it’s not ok and yes it’s cheating

Original poster
differentname · 02/07/2020 22:28

I'm so disappointed
I thought we were doing ok

OP posts:
Original poster
differentname · 02/07/2020 22:29

In that we had an understanding

OP posts:
SoulofanAggron · 02/07/2020 22:36

I can imagine, OP. So sorry you had such a shock. Sad I had a partner who did various hurtful things on the computer while I was in the same room with him, including at one point on New Year's Eve!

So I can kind of understand. xxxx

Original poster
differentname · 02/07/2020 23:20

Question is what do I do

OP posts:
Original poster
differentname · 03/07/2020 07:42

He's been off work since April - first furloughed now made redundant. Has helped some with homeschooling very difficult SEN teenager
but has also had plenty of time to be idle. Now I know how he's filled that time!! While I've still been working, doing housework, also homeschooling said teenager... thanks a bunch Angry

OP posts:
sofato5miles · 03/07/2020 10:32

Well, he is addressing his needs as per the conversation and not yours. You need to address yours and realise what a selfish arse he is being

sofato5miles · 03/07/2020 10:33

And tell him that as he is not addressing yours and only his own, you are no longer a partnership.

I would pull the plug

I left my DH last year and it has been tough but worth it. So, so much happier now, but it did take a while

Original poster
differentname · 03/07/2020 10:34

Not as simple to address mine!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 03/07/2020 10:35

He has moved on already

Now you need to do the same. You will never get emotional support from a cheater, their needs are firmly fixed on themselves.

Original poster
differentname · 03/07/2020 10:37

He cleans the kitchen and showerroom once a week, brings me tea in bed in the morning and is very good with ds and therefore thinks I should appreciate how lucky I am.

OP posts:
Onemansoapopera · 03/07/2020 10:57

You've grown apart and it's highly unlikely you'll grow back together. Sexting I imagine is an easy hit to deal someway with his sexual boredom. Your emotional needs won't and can't be addressed in that way and if you've gone apart intimately then of course it's over for you emotionally too. Stop drawing out the inevitable, be brave.

Oopsiedaisyy · 03/07/2020 10:59

You came to an understanding that meets neither of your needs. Move on

Original poster
differentname · 03/07/2020 11:36

I so want to throw him out but there's ds to consider... all very complicated 😟

OP posts:
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