How to encourage DH to eat healthy?

[Bookaholic73]

Myself and DH have been trying to get healthy over the past year.
I’ve started losing weight (lost a stone so far, but still have a few stones to lose) and eating healthy.

My DH on the other hand is getting bigger by the month.
I posted about this a few months ago, and was slated for finding him less sexy and less of a turn on now that his belly is massive and he doesn’t show any restraint around food.

Not only do I physically find him less of a turn on, but I also find his whole attitude really exhausting.

Regularly he’ll have conversations with me about how he needs to stop eating junk food, and loads of sandwiches.

Then this evening he has eaten 3 sandwiches, as well as a massive portion of curry.

How can I encourage him to eat healthier?

I don’t think you can. He’s happy enough, or not unhappy enough, to make any changes to his lifestyle. He’s putting his health at risk, he’s putting your marriage at risk, but he’d rather eat what he wants than go without. Sad for you and I don’t judge you at all for struggling with his attitude and his appearance, but he won’t change until he wants to. Trying to encourage him isn’t going to work and will drive you nutty.

Congratulations on your own positive changes, don’t let him put you off.

Thanks @Bookaholic73

He has several health conditions, which are getting worse by the month..he always says how much better he feels when he eats healthy for a few days..but doesn’t stick at it.

I’m at my wits end.

I don’t blame you

Has a medical professional told him his conditions would improve if he lost weight?

Is he eating more than he used to? Has anything else changed?

Have to say I agree with PP, he has to want to change for himself. Sad, but true.

I would be as frustrated as you are, and I certainly wouldn't find my husband physically attractive if he was that obese. I would ask him if he cares about you, because he certainly doesn't care about himself. Is he ok with dying way before his time or you having to be his carer because he becomes so debilitated and unwell? Does he not care about your sex life? His gluttony would infuriate me, quite honestly. Sadly, if he won't change, there's not a thing you can do about it. How long are you willing to live this way?

Not much you can do unfortunately unless is coming from him. Talking to him and taking control with what you buy might help, if I don't have ice cream in the house I don't eat, when I have it is all I think about. I don't agree with PP that he doesen't care about his marriage, if it was a man posting this about a woman he would be slayed. You said you have few stones to lose yourself, congrats on the one stone lost but you don't seem at your fittest either(sorry if I sound harsh). I understand about lack of attraction and I completely agree to chat with him to try and change his thinking but in the end you did it in your time not when he told you so (I assume) he should be able to do the same. Also highlighting how it affects your marriage might push him to do something. You carry on your journey but don't accomodate his eating, if he wants crap he can go buy/cook it himself. Men are quite lazy creatures so you might find he will eat what is available instead of going through the effort of getting it himself. Have always healthy snacks on hand like loads of fruit and vegetables. Good luck!

Are you jealous that you have to watch him eating all the things that you're depriving yourself of?

Men are quite lazy creatures

I think you're generalising just a little there.

Also, before our PP started her weight journey she didn't care about her marriage either?

It's a difficult one for sure OP. On the one hand he's a grown up and you can't make him do anything, on the other he's not taking responsibility for his health.

The more you tell him the worse he may get. I'd back off, just ask him to come for a walk, or if you can, days out that include a bit of exercise. Cook healthy meals and make sure there are no high calorie foods in the house. If you've tried all that and he's still not interested, then you have to decide if you want to live with it or not.

There's no easy solution, sadly. He may be depressed and needs to see his GP, also. You can't make him do that either.

@HatRack lol, of course not! What a strange question!
I am enjoying eating healthy.

@pinacoladalover I’m definitely not at my fittest (you don’t sound harsh, its the truth) but am getting there. That’s what bothers me the most, his lack of trying.

I don’t buy any junk food, he picks it up in the way home from work.
It’s not always junk food either, it’s 3 sandwiches at a time..as an evening snack!

Do you do the the cooking OP? And the food shopping? If you don’t then start doing it.
Make smaller dinners and smaller portions, bulk food out with healthy veg. Instead of buying bread for sandwiches by thins or bagel thins, just small subtle steps.

It’s such a difficult thing to handle as you don’t want to seem mean but realistically you are looking out for his well-being and preventing him from having a heart attack!
I’d address In baby steps, as it’s not about cutting out food groups but about moderation, but he has got to want to do it ultimately.

Walks in the evening together / weekends, build them up slowly and steadily?

Do you do the the cooking OP? And the food shopping? If you don’t then start doing it.

Make more work for herself because he chooses to polish off a plate of curry and 3 sandwiches? Someone who’s eating like that won’t be put off by smaller portions for dinner

Men are quite lazy creatures so you might find he will eat what is available instead of going through the effort of getting it himself. Have always healthy snacks on hand like loads of fruit and vegetables.

No they’re not. Some people are lazy. Generalisations like that make you look a bit thick.

And can you really see him lighting up over a plateful of steamed broccoli or some cucumber sticks instead of popping out for a bag of chips or whatever he enjoys?

He’s not a child. He’s a grown man digging himself an early grave with a spoon. It must be heartbreaking to watch. But OP you can’t do anything about it so all you can do is focus on your own eating and lifestyle changes and decide if you can live with his.

Anne, please don't call me thick, is very unkind. I was trying to help.

I said those comments make you look a bit thick. I didn’t say you were thick, that would be very unkind. Your comments also make you look sexist.

Sweeping negative statements about half the population is unkind.

@Placesrobe7099292

Do you do the the cooking OP? And the food shopping? If you don’t then start doing it. Make smaller dinners and smaller portions, bulk food out with healthy veg. Instead of buying bread for sandwiches by thins or bagel thins, just small subtle steps.

It’s such a difficult thing to handle as you don’t want to seem mean but realistically you are looking out for his well-being and preventing him from having a heart attack!
I’d address In baby steps, as it’s not about cutting out food groups but about moderation, but he has got to want to do it ultimately.

Walks in the evening together / weekends, build them up slowly and steadily?

I do the shopping and about 75% of the cooking. It’s not portion sizes that’s the issue, it’s the constant eating of sandwiches in the evening and picking up junk food in the way home that’s the problem.

Anne, it was not a negative comment at all. I said it in a way that usually men won't get out of the way to cook extra for themselves if something else is offered. By using that context you made me feel really offended. Someone else mentioned same thing as you without using the word thick. I understand I generalised and should not have. Please be mindfull of your words some people are sensitive and might damage them. It was unkind if my feelings were so much affected. I think I will leave this site. Sorry to PP derail this thread.

@HatRack

Are you jealous that you have to watch him eating all the things that you're depriving yourself of?

Depriving herself of what? Fatty crap? I guess her post touched a nerve.

Men are quite lazy creatures

What an absolute load of shit. You have clearly been surrounded by useless men during your life and are comfortable making ridiculous excuses for them.

Op is trying hard to lose weight and yet her DH is stuffing his face around her. I'd be a bit aggravated in my man did that,it's hardly supportive.

As for the comment, men are lazy?? Based on what science?

@Placesrobe7099292

Do you do the the cooking OP? And the food shopping? If you don’t then start doing it. Make smaller dinners and smaller portions, bulk food out with healthy veg. Instead of buying bread for sandwiches by thins or bagel thins, just small subtle steps.

It’s such a difficult thing to handle as you don’t want to seem mean but realistically you are looking out for his well-being and preventing him from having a heart attack!
I’d address In baby steps, as it’s not about cutting out food groups but about moderation, but he has got to want to do it ultimately.

Walks in the evening together / weekends, build them up slowly and steadily?

We are actually quite active. We go walking fir a few hours at least 3x a week, plus we go surfing and play tennis. Him less than me though, his size makes it difficult for him.

I’m not saying that I’m a super fit gym bunny or anything though. I’m 13st and have 3st to lose, but I’m doing it. I feel so much better.

It’s his lack of giving a shit that bothers me, and the gluttony.

Seems I’m not the only one unimpressed by your casual sexism Pina.

I've been there , done that.
It doesn't work, he won't eat healthy unless he wants to.

And to add, the more I told him to eat healthy, the more he started to secret eat, while at work and lie about it

He has to want to change - I say that from personal experience! I would see if you could not have certain things in the house (aka bread for sandwiches) and if he would care enough to go get more? Have lots of alternative snack options available though as it's probably habit.