Is he on Tinder?

[shouldntknow]

I've name changed as DP knows my account.

I shouldn't have nosed around, but I did. I have been suffering with quite poor trust but we have both agreed this is something we want to work through.

I just had a look through his emails (yes, I know) & I saw that in his spam box, there was one opened email from tinder to verify an account. I only noticed because he has hundreds of emails in spam & all (that I saw) of them are unopened except this one. I didn't look any further.

WWYD?

What's your situation OP? Can you kick him out change the locks and tell him 'off you fuck'

That's the only solution to a 'd'p who does something so horrible to their partner. Sorry, LTB.

The only thing you can do is ask him upfront. Tinder is a dating site and I would be questioning why he was on a dating site, when he was in a relationship.

I should add the email was recent.

We're a young couple. We have a 2 year old DS.

It sort of doesn't make sense to me because since lockdown if we're not at work (both part time due to covid), we're together at home. When I'm working he has DS at home, so no opportunity to go on a date although I suppose plenty of time to search through.

Also, he doesn't have the app installed.

Sorry if that's a bit waffled.

Is there a reason you think he is on Tinder? Behaviour changes or patterns? Time unaccounted for?
If the above are all NOs - I’d realise that you spectacularly failed on working on trust and got myself to a counsellor.
It’s not a way to live.

Join yourself and see if you can find him.

It's easy to hide apps if you know how. The fact the mail is in spam but 'read' means something too.

Don't just assume he's cheating, looking to cheat though. He might be on it because of personal issues, like low self esteem or unhappiness. None of them justify it, but I'm just saying, don't jump to the infidelity conclusion.

I think you need to discuss this either way, as it'll eat you up ignoring it.

I know that he was on Tinder before we were together, perhaps he never deleted his account but stopped using & it was a secure your account type of thing. Doesn't make sense suddenly though after years.

My low trust is result of his poor anger management in the past (never violent), but he could be verbally/emotionally abusive to me. He is seeking therapy and has improved massively. He has many redeeming traits.

I'm just trying to think about how to approach it without making a fool out of myself.

Just looked again properly and it says that he moved it from his inbox to spam. So it's either completely innocent or he didn't want me to see it?!

If you get into his FB account and click settings..
There is an option for Apps and websites- click on that and it shows any apps either active, expired or deleted (and the dates) so it can confirm with the recent date of the spam folder.

Sounds like the working on trust thing is one sided.

Hmm that seems innocent to me. If I got an email like that from an app I used to use I would open it to check someone hadn't hacked/accessed an old account. Then drop it in spam when I was satisfied so the email provider learns to filter them to spam.

If I was hiding something I would delete it

Create a tinder account, without a photo.
Have a quick check for men of his age in a 1 mile radius from your house.

Hopefully its an old email but honestly thats unlikely, sorry.

If he deleted his account he shouldn’t be getting emails about it. I deleted mine and haven’t had anything from Tinder since.

Could you not sign up to tinder yourself without your picture and look through to see if he's there?

Surely you would just sign up to tinder and check??

If you ask him, he will likely lie if he is on it.

I imagine he wouldn't be stupid enough to be on it with a photo given how popular Tinderis. If he is on it he will probably have no photo or a fake one to encourage chatting.

Personally I'd have to go on and look for myself at local men.

OP my ex got an email from tinder about verifying his account but it was because he had been inactive on it for so long. Could it be the same thing? My ex hadn’t deleted his account, just the app on his phone.

I think I'll just have a look for him myself. I just didn't know if that was an overreaction or not.

@FuckKnowsMate That's what I'm hoping.

He deleted his Facebook a couple of months ago so I can look on there for active apps.

can't *

Does he have trust issues himself?
I wonder if he created an account to check if you were on Tinder for some reason.

When you sign up to tinder it asks for your email address and then you get an email asking you to verify your account. You dont have to use the app, you can just use the web browser. Don't ask him, set up your own account and get swiping, based on location and age he should come up pretty quickly

I think (I could be wrong ) that you cannot use tinder without having facebook unless they've changed it in the last couple of years. So, if he's deleted facebook he won't be on there unless of course he's done a fake fb profile. Seems innocent to me, and like a pp said, surely he would have deleted the email rather than sent it to Spam if he had anything to hide.

@00Sassy No, I don't think so. He's pretty comfortable!

I created a fake account and had a look but I couldn't find him although I don't think you can search a name so I can't be certain.

I suppose I'll ask him about it & see how he reacts. I've just got a funny feeling.