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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Anyone ever been snooped on/ stalked on line ? How did you know?

34 replies

hyperhydrangea · 29/06/2020 21:58

Just that. My sixth sense is on high alert. I am on WhatsApp, twitter, Facebook and Inwonder how do you know or can you prove of someone is following you or looking you up consistently. Is there a concrete way of knowing?
My settings on fb are private .. friends only but twitter seems to be open as is WhatsApp. Thanks .

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pinkcattydude · 29/06/2020 22:01

Mine was obvious as they started looking at my LinkedIn account too. That show who’s looking I went through and blocked them on everything. I’ll never be sure they aren’t watching but I have a non contact order so if I catch them there will be trouble.

DDIJ · 29/06/2020 22:03

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pinkcattydude · 29/06/2020 22:03

Oh and in doing so (blocking them) I discovered they had made ‘friends’ with one of my friends so were still seeing what I was posting that way.

SummerDayWinterEvenings · 29/06/2020 22:04

I have a different SM name to my private work name and no photos that would link the two. But I have a guy who has a restraining order so he can't come near me -so I'm careful x

Horehound · 29/06/2020 22:04

Well, WhatsApp you can alter so people cannot see when you are online.
Delete and block any numbers in your phone you do not use any more.
Twitter you can make private/approve who can see your tweets.

hyperhydrangea · 29/06/2020 22:05

I don't have a LinkedIn account but I never knew it was public , thanks.
Is there a way of knowing if someone is monitoring you on WhatsApp ? Or
Monitoring your activity?

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DDIJ · 29/06/2020 22:08

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Ohnoherewego62 · 29/06/2020 22:09

Why do you feel you are being watched?

hyperhydrangea · 29/06/2020 22:09

Thanks for all the different replies. So somebody can know your location on WhatsApp 😳 I must learn about that straight away. Can you disable online status on WhatsApp? How do I do that please? If a suggested friend comes up on fb and you have no mutual Friend, does that mean that they have looked at your profile?
Pardon the ignorance. I am
Getting a little paranoid perhaps.
I will put twitter on private.

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Redcrayons · 29/06/2020 22:10

I met up with a group of ex colleagues and one, who I didn’t really know well made some comments about something on FB. He wouldn’t have just come across it, he had to look me up to see it. He sent me a few messages after the event and sent me friend request a couple of times. I can’t explain why but it really spooked me. I’m not claiming this as stalking btw, but a bit of causal snooping.

I don’t think there’s a way of telling if someone has viewed you on twitter or FB. It used to be that if they came up as a random ‘people you may know’ then it was because they had looked you up. I don’t think that’s true anymore.

What’s happened to make you suspicious?

Inaquandry19 · 29/06/2020 22:12

My ex's new gf was facebook stalking me. She added me as a friend by mistake. She removed the request but not before facebook notified me.

DDIJ · 29/06/2020 22:12

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Ohnoherewego62 · 29/06/2020 22:13

Ok so I assume WhatsApp is contacts only so only people who have your number will be able to see you're online. You can change this in the privacy settings.

Facebook makes random suggestions all the time. I dont really know how they work it out.

user1481840227 · 29/06/2020 22:16

You can set your whatsapp info to contacts only...so no one would be able to keep tabs on you on that unless you had them in your contacts list.

NoMoreDickheads · 29/06/2020 22:22

Yes, WhatsApp can be contacts only- I thought it was by default TBH.

I met up with a group of ex colleagues and one, who I didn’t really know well made some comments about something on FB.

Yep, one of my partners was spying on my online activity, email etc. He made it clear by mentioning things I'd mentioned in private emails and so on.

@hyperhydrangea What's made you suspicious and who are your suspecting in particular? Set Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp to friends only or the equivalent.

Change your passwords for everything.

I don't think people can do much otherwise unless they have physical access to your computer.

You could block the person/people you suspect so it makes it even less easy for them to do anything.

hyperhydrangea · 29/06/2020 22:24

It may be nothing but I once blocked a man from WhatsApp as he lied blatantly about his age .. huge age gap..and was terribly pushy. That was six months ago.
I recently unblocked him to check for a friend if messages that were sent through the time he was blocked, could be received.
I unblocked him For ten minutes and in that time he sent me a message. I believe that you are not notified if you have been unblocked on WhatsApp. Minutes later, I got a missed video call from my exh which he said was an accident. This was 7am.This phone is an old one of my exh colleague but had been restored to factory settings prior to my using it. My exh also knew I had been in tinder despite him being in a relationship following his affair so I don't know why he was on tinder. He said a friend told him.
That's why I'm bothered .

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DDIJ · 29/06/2020 22:35

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EUnamechange · 29/06/2020 22:40

Make sure you set your phone to remove location info on photos, messages etc... On an iPhone you go to Settings > Privacy > Location Services, and click yes or no for each. If it's an ex who has previously had access to your phone, make sure they haven't set your phone to 'share my location' with them. Your photos contain metadata which geolocate where it was taken etc.

Change passwords for everything, and also if you have a sort of pattern to your passwords, you'll need to change that too.

Make sure no one has access to your computer or phone. Even if locked, someone who was really determined (i.e. came prepared with certain spyware) can upload it in seconds and take control. That would be a serious stalker, or state actor though.

Lockdown all your social media accounts like FB, go through your friends and get rid of anyone you don't usually speak to, or don't know (the latter shouldn't be on there anyway!). Then set job, home town, age, birthday, etc to private only. Make sure your friends list is also private, so they can't get to you through friends. Change your name on FB so people can't casually search for you.

Limit what is on LI (on LI you can see who checks you out, unless they are a premium member or do an annoying work around). It's a balance between its use for you professionally and providing too much info to social engineering hackers or stalkers.

Twitter etc, just be careful what you post and make sure photos have no location data, don't check in to places. Other SM is beyond my knowledge. Block the person on every form of SM.

I have to be very secure for work, so we get trained by the very top people. But I did once realise a slightly weird and creepy colleague was showing too much interest when he said something he couldn't possibly have known without going on my FB account, and would have had to do quite an awkward work around to get access to it at all.

If you go on Future Learn there are often really good cyber security courses for free, some for 'normal' people rather than techies.

Pollaidh · 29/06/2020 22:42

Who restored your phone to factory settings?

hyperhydrangea · 29/06/2020 22:44

Thanks for all the helpful Responses.
I restored the phone to factory settings.
I wondered if my exh had catfished me such was the coincidence.

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DDIJ · 29/06/2020 22:53

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Ohnoherewego62 · 29/06/2020 23:01

If you unlocked him on whatsapp, your picture would have came back on his contacts list.

When you block someone on whatsapp, they can't see anything. (Your picture and last online) since you unlocked him, your picture and last online would have been visible to him again.

If you go to whatsapp settings, you can change who sees what.

hyperhydrangea · 29/06/2020 23:18

But even if my photo came
Back on his contact list , he would possibly have had to look it up wouldn't he?
I hope I am overthinking it all. Thanks

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DDIJ · 29/06/2020 23:22

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hyperhydrangea · 29/06/2020 23:24

God😳thanks for the advice everyone.
So
You can't monitor who is looking at you typing on line to somebody else on WhatsApp? So he could be just watching me typing or on line and I wouldn't
Know?

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