Classic manipulation you will need ignore and harden yourself to in order to survive. I left my husband over a month ago after several years of overt verbal abuse, but almost certainly many more of of control and emotional abuse. As I have got stronger, he has tried to exert more control, and this is what has sauces the situation I removed myself and my daughter from.
Since this time he has swung from being reasonable and almost remorseful, to utterly vile and abusive, blaming me for everything, guilt tripping me, using every trick he could think of.
It has taken a lot of support from my family to stick to me guns this time and resist the nasty nice cycle. And even then there were times I thought there may be some hope! Is he out of the house. If not try to find a way he can be. The space from my husband gave me the ability to see things with more clarity than I have done in years. It has helped me see things clearly in a way I never would have been able to with hkm at home, because I'm so muddled by his nasty nice cycle and the very misery of trying to get through each day.
I would also say, start building a support network if you don't already have one. I have been doing this for a reasonable amount of time now, and it has been a real force for strength and clarity. For a long time I kept friends and family in the dark about what was going on, although they were more aware than I realised. I started opening up to them. It gave me clarity about what was going on in my relationship and some support. I had also told close friends what was going on. They have been amazing, and have been a source of endless support when I doubted myself. Family and friends will be so important going forward. They have helped me see what was going wrong, and give me the clarity that what he was doing was actually wrong, something I doubted at times. This helped me stay strong in my decisions. Asi say, I'm only 5 weeks in. And I have a long way to go. I'm also doing some counselling to help me going forward.
Be kind to yourself. Rest, give yourself a break, do things you love. But first and foremost get the abusive may out of your house. You will never have clarity of thought and peace of mind if you don't. Then I suggest going forward with the grey rock method with him, of being incredibly unemotional and uninteresting. They have a nack of say emotive and incendry things to get a reaction. Give bland responses, don't react and feed them! Be firm with him and stick to your guns.
Good luck lovely. Mumsnet is a base of wonderful support and has helped me get to this point. There are some great people on here who are always willing to share advice and strength. You can do this!!!