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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just had sex with my ex. FML.

48 replies

RebeccaPearson · 29/06/2020 00:34

Yup. Went to a small bbq. Knew he’d be there and was nervous about seeing him. I shouldn’t have gone really.

He got talking to a (female) friend of the host I don’t know. He’s good looking and charismatic and successful. They were laughing together and I couldn’t stop watching them. I dunno. We weren’t compatible and I didn’t think I fancied him any more but apparently this is not the case 😬 God it’s like a bad romcom isn’t it. Long story short, we got talking by the fucking fire pit (and I engineered it all. It was like I wanted to prove something? I don’t know) and it was all so romantic and the alcohol was flowing and urgh. What an idiot.

OP posts:
KylieKoKo · 29/06/2020 00:38

If it makes you feel better i read the title as ex FIL which would have been worse!

It was consensual sex between adults. It happens. Don't beat yourself up about it.

ballsdeep · 29/06/2020 00:41

It happens. You enjoyed yourself, you got off (hopefully!) And you showed him what he was missing.

Original poster
RebeccaPearson · 29/06/2020 00:41

😂 that would be quite something.

Urgh I know I just feel like such an idiot. And everyone there knows our history and knows we left to have sex and I am so embarrassed.

OP posts:
Original poster
RebeccaPearson · 29/06/2020 00:42

I did enjoy it. Weirdly a lot more than I did when we were together 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
altiara · 29/06/2020 00:50

Me too, I read FIL!

Don’t worry about it, it’s better to have an ex that’s a nice person than not. And don’t drink alcohol ever again.
(Sorry, I’m tired, that’s the best I can do to help!)

OhioOhioOhio · 29/06/2020 00:54

Is he still there? Maybe he doesn't regret it?

Cherrytangfastic · 29/06/2020 00:57

I read it as FIL too!

I hate the shame, but try not to worry. I would guess that most people have done the same

ClaryFray · 29/06/2020 01:10

Chalk it up to you getting yours and call it a day.

Don't beat yourself up. You wanted to do it. You did it. Move on

FlamedToACrisp · 29/06/2020 01:13

Sorry, the rules say you have to get back with him now. I've read it in all the romance novels!

Brazenhussy0 · 29/06/2020 01:21

You saw him getting attention from another woman and that made him more attractive to you. You wanted to prove to yourself (and possibly to her) that you can still have him when you want to.
It was harmless fun though, so I wouldn’t beat yourself up for it. Unless it was you who ended the relationship and this may now give him false hope - been there 😬

Amiayoungmumthough · 29/06/2020 01:28

You wanted it at the time, no regrets! But have a talk with yourself tomorrow before you make your next move. Remember why he's your ex, is it still applicable?
Most importantly don't be mad at yourself for doing what you wanted, that's probably why you left in the first place :')

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/06/2020 02:07

ANother one who read FIL :o

Own it, move on.

Anyone who judges you can stroll on.

caringcarer · 29/06/2020 02:11

I am sure you will make bigger mistakes in life than that little one. I know I have,.

sofato5miles · 29/06/2020 02:14

I too thought you had shagged your ex FIL 🤣

LittleHelpFromMySplitEnds · 29/06/2020 02:57

I did not read FIL but laughed when you used the term "fucking fire pit" considering where the night went for you two.

He's your ex for a reason and it sounds like it was just a weird night so it was a one off. That said, if it was good sex, then cool. If bad sex, then not cool. In a few days you will feel less FML, either way.

dontgobaconmyheart · 29/06/2020 03:35

Sounds like it's more about having for something you needed at the time than it is about really wanting him OP. These things are easy to romanticise when you're seeing the best in someone at a distance , not thinking about the day to day of them and their worth seems raised because someone else seemed interested so it set off a need for validation perhaps. I wouldn't assume it means you now actually fancy him or never stopped.

Sex is a mental as well as physical thing. It's nice to feel wanted and be in control and do something a bit reckless. Doesn't mean that actually he's a sex god and you missed it the first time around. He's the same guy.

I'm not one for revisiting ex's. I'd just chalk it up to a bit of fun, think about why I really wanted it and what about it made me feel good- then move on. There's nothing to feel bad about.

Original poster
RebeccaPearson · 29/06/2020 06:19

Urgh thanks everyone for not shaming me! This has been helpful. Today I have a hangover and the fear.

We were together for three years. It got to the point where we were either going to get married or split, if that makes sense. I loved him (probably still do to a point) we got on well and he made me laugh but I just couldn’t see us getting married - we were such different people and we wanted different things. He was sad but he agreed it wasn’t right. So I guess it was pretty mutual.

He isn’t a bad guy by any means. We only split a few months ago so it’s still quite raw and a bit painful maybe. I’m feeling irrationally annoyed that he was talking and laughing with the other woman and I didn’t expect to feel like that.

Anyway he didn’t stay afterwards but he’s just sent me a text that says ”Are you ok?” But I don’t think I’ll reply yet. I feel a bit sad today.

OP posts:
user1486915549 · 29/06/2020 07:06

Your reply to the text depends on if you want to get back with him.
If not no harm done and you had good sex
Probably fuelled by jealousy, alcohol and lust.
We’ve all been there !!

Aria20 · 29/06/2020 07:20

Sober up and think about if you want to get back together or if this was just a one off.... only you know this answer!
Many years ago I did the same thing with an ex, saw him on a night out few months after splitting up and few drinks later.... I also still had some feelings for him but we didn't get back together as deep down I knew it wouldn't be right.

B9008 · 29/06/2020 08:06

Just be careful. You are in a good stage of recovery (few months) and this could set you back if you maintain contact. You already feel bad one day later.

You split for a reason. Don’t put the rose tinted specs back on.

Wyntersdiary · 29/06/2020 08:29

okay i will say its probably got nothing to do with him. You are competitive and you didnt like losing your man to another woman because he was yours first. Its a bad mindset to be in but i have been in it.

Didnt love the guy didnt even really like the guy but i got jealous seeing him like someone else although i didnt sleep with him i was contemplating it -_-

Original poster
RebeccaPearson · 29/06/2020 08:42

I don’t think I want him back. As someone said above I feel I have come quite far. It was a painful breakup but I was feeling ok. But I hate the thought of him being with someone else it makes me feel sick.

OP posts:
PornStarOvaltini · 29/06/2020 08:53

What's FML? 🤔

Ohshitx · 29/06/2020 08:56

@PornStarOvaltini

What's FML? 🤔
It means Fuck my life @pornstarovaltini
jessstan2 · 29/06/2020 08:59

Presumably you went somewhere private to do the deed.

People often sleep with their ex, even when both have someone else and children!

Not a big deal but I hope you left him wanting more rather than the other way round.