Unhappy in relationship! Moving back home at 27?

[Jess9693]

Ok so this may be more of a rant, but I'm hoping to get some advice still.
Just over a year ago I moved in with my boyfriend. It was my decision not to be named on the mortgage due to his deposit coming from inheritance so I pay my share of the bills instead. Up until now it's been fine, but now I'm just putting my money into someone else's house. Except the fact I'm literally a 50s housewife!
We both work full time, but the cooking/cleaning has always been left to me. I've recently started a new job which means my 9 hour days are more like 12 hours and I'm still the one doing everything. I've spoken to him about it so many times and despite how I approach it, whether I try to talk about it calmly or argue, he gets really defensive and loses his temper. We've been here over a year and he still has absolutely no idea how to use the washing machine and he's admitted that the reason he doesn't do anything is because his mother has always done it for him.
I moved out of my hometown to come here and although I'm not too far away (15 miles) I feel so lonely and I'm tempted to go back home. I literally spend my days working, cleaning and going to bed. Can I go home at 27?
One thing that lockdown has shown me is that my boyfriend and I have nothing in common, we don't enjoy the same TV programmes or films. Even enjoying a meal and a drink in the evening is difficult because we don't like the same things. Also we have absolutely no sex life! I can't remember the last time we so much as kissed. I've tried so many things but he has absolutely no interest. I know he struggles with his own mental health and i try to encourage him to talk about it but he turns away any help and despite going to a doctor and have medication prescribed he won't take it.
Despite this I do love him and I know he'd be devastated if I left and I think I would too. Is it possible to love someone but be so unhappy? I just feel like I've run out of chances to give him now. It's also the idea of having to start allover again that scares me.
Thank you for any help or advice that anyone can give me. If not thank you anyway for reading my rant.

If your parents are happy for you to do that then there's no reason why you can't. Yes it is possible to love someone but not be happy in a relationship with them anymore. Be thankful you aren't married or on the mortgage as it means you won't have that hassle to deal with on top.

OP - move back home. It's 15 miles away so you don't have to split up if you still want to work on your relationship. It sounds like you are being exploited tbh. You are 27 with no ties and should be enjoying life! Move home and save for your own deposit rather than paying someone else's nortgage and giving him a free cleaner. Go out with your friends and enjoy having the space to save money. I wish i hadn't been in a rush to move out, age doesn't matter! Just have a plan and remember you are doing it for a reason. You are not alone either! I live in an expensive area and most of my young colleagues are back with their parents saving for the future.

Sorry OP, he doesn’t respect you. Your best bet is to move back home and make it very clear to him that the only way you’re returning is if he sorts himself out and chores are split 50:50. Be warned that men like this rarely change though...

PS, his mental health is not your responsibility, it sounds like you’ve done all you can to get him to help himself.

Run!

Run!

27 is so young, go home, save your own deposit and fuck being his scullery maid.

The washing machine is too hard to operate? Well he can learn. There is the internet which literally has a YouTube video to do anything on it. He just wants you to sub his bills and be his mum.

This will only get 100 times worse with time! You're only in your first year of living together and he already takes it for granted that you'll do everything around the house and you've stopped having sex. If you want to have children In the future you'll wish you didn't ignore the warning signs when you're doing everything and looking after a baby and you have a sexless relationship/marriage on top of all the stress of family life. If he can't be arsed to take out the bins now, cook or even put a wash on believe me he won't do his fair share of night feeds and you'll resent him even more and you'll have a child to think about too.
Believe me I've been there and now I just accept the fact I do everything and we don't even have a loving relationship either.

You are 27 and been living together for a year, you should be in the honeymoon phase - shagging all the time and enjoying spending lots of time together.

He's a man child and this is no partnership!

So you're paying for the privilege of working as his housekeeper?

Don’t do what I did and hang around for years being a stepford wife and working full time in a high pressure job! I was in the same position with my ex husband. I did everything in the house, childcare and worked full time it made my days long and exhausting! He came straight form mum and dad running around after him to expecting me to. We discussed it so many times and one morning a random woman (turned out to be a cleaner) let herself into the house with a key he had employed her ‘to take them pressure off’. Now divorced no surprise he went back to his mum and dad where everything is done for him and he has child care on tap for when DC is with him! I have to confess I did keep the cleaner following the divorce

Just over a year ago I moved in with my boyfriend. It was my decision not to be named on the mortgage due to his deposit coming from inheritance so I pay my share of the bills instead. Up until now it's been fine, but now I'm just putting my money into someone else's house.
Thank goodness it was only a year, OP. Absolutely move onto your parents - life should be less stressful there (hopefully?) and even making any financial contribution to your parents' household you should hopefully still be able to save towards your own property. Thank goodness you are not tied to him financially or legally.

What would moving back to your parents mean as far as traveling to and from work? And, with those long days, could you see about WFH one day a week?

Good luck!🌹

Moving back home with my parents really wouldn't be an issue. I have a really good relationship with my parents and they're rarely ever home anyway due to them having a holiday home close to my dad's work. To be honest they probably wouldn't ask me to contribute towards bills, aside from doing my own food shopping. So I'm very very lucky in that sense! Moving back home wouldn't make too much of a difference to my commute to work as I work in a few different locations that vary in distance. I do occasionally have the option to work from home once or twice a month. Thank you for your reply!

As others have said run! I married a man just like this and did all the housework for 20 years even when I was working with small kids. Now I've got a lovely boyfriend who knows how to wash up and clean the toilet.

Go home. I did and was very glad that my dad encouraged me to as he could see what was happening. Within months my sister did the same thing as she felt leaving would leave her partner devastated and she was embarrassed to. It was the best thing we both ever did.

If you were my daughter, I'd welcome you home. That's no way to live.

Sounds like a no-brainer then @Jess9693.

Logistically it could have been so much harder, although, of course, it's likely to be emotionally difficult for you initially. Your partner sounds as though he still has a lot of maturing to do to catch up with where you are now, and you should allow him that chance to do so whilst you get on with your life.

despite how I approach it, whether I try to talk about it calmly or argue, he gets really defensive and loses his temper. We've been here over a year and he still has absolutely no idea how to use the washing machine and he's admitted that the reason he doesn't do anything is because his mother has always done it for him.

It's fortunate you are thinking about this now and not when/if you'd had children (I couldn't see a mention of children in your posts) and you were still trying to do everything you are going now, plus looking after a child.

Dear OP, you are extremely lucky to leave after living with him only for a year! Please go now, like don't waste a single minute of your beautiful life with him!!!

I've spent 6 years doing the exact same thing and leaving him in 2 days. I need to move countries and my move is far more complicated than yours.

You are very lucky to have your family so close, just go!

Sounds like moving back home would also help you financially then. Save for your own deposit on your own place.

He sounds like an absolute man child and can you imagine if you have kids together??

I've been with a man like this, his mother did everything for him, I ended up having to do everything.

I divorced him.

Pack your things & move back home today!

Tell your boyfriend "this ain't downtown abby, sweetheart, and even the scullery maids there got a good seeing-to every so often"

Then scarper.

@Jess9693, i hope you were too busy leaving today to respond to my frankly hilarious quip

@livefornaps it didn't go unappreciated! The good seeing to definitely cracked me up haha! But yeah I've spent the majority of the day packing up my bits.

I assume you're moving out? I relate how you feel moving back to your parents, but at least they are there for you, which they won't be forever. Imagine doing this in your mid 30s when the stress and loneliness of living like this has ground you down. You don't want to be like this then. Your life is too short and precious. You are at a perfect age to meet someone that you can be happy with. Go for it!!

I wish you luck @user1498060624

Move back in with your parents OP! You are wasting your time and this isn’t the man for you. I moved back in with my parents just before Christmas and I have now not long turned 26. My ex was so lazy and emotionally abusive but I stayed because I hated the thought of living back at home. I am now well on my way to saving up a deposit for my OWN house and it was the best thing I ever did. Good luck