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Original poster

He really moved on so quickly after trying to force himself to move in with me...

42 replies

wowjustwowwhatttt · 27/06/2020 22:46

I have named changed for this, i had posted about my issue before but i was seeing someone for not that long and he kept suggesting he move in and making jokes about it etc which was every single day. This resulted in me feeling under pressure.

I spoke with him and told him it would not happen etc, then we broke up a few weeks later.

I have just found out he has a new gf and he is introducing them to his children already.

The thing is we broke up just when lock down started so he has gone from being single to meeting someone to now introducing them to his children all in lock down Hmm

I'm not jealous so that is not the reason for the post but this all cements in my mind that I was correct, he was being pushy with me because he wanted to live with me due to his current living situation and not because as he said he was so in love with me.

I'm just feeling like he just wanted to use me.

Also how the hell does anyone meet someone in lock down and get close enough to introduce them to their children Hmm it really does show that the whole relationship was based on his needs and not the fact that he just liked me and wanted to be with me.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 27/06/2020 22:52

Yeah . Nobody loves you more than a man who needs somewhere to live.

I had this too. Such twats.

Northernsoullover · 27/06/2020 22:54

Well done on swerving him. He sounds a nightmare

Bananalanacake · 27/06/2020 22:57

Well done for getting rid of the cocklodger. Where was he living before. Was he offering to pay you rent. My own rule is to say no talk of living together for at least 5 years as I need my space. If he loves you for you he would wait.

Original poster
wowjustwowwhatttt · 27/06/2020 22:59

notsuch - this is so true and exactly what alot of MN said at the time.

I knew i was right but it just confirmed it which makes me feel quite sad and used.

northern - I agree it is good that I was aware and put an end to it, but it still makes me feel bad as I allowed him into my life - obviously not how he wanted but I still allowed him in.

This makes me feel like i am right with all my true issues and trying to wait for a good while before introducing people to my dc as clearly some people don't give a sh!t and the relationship was false really Confused

OP posts:
rareateeth · 27/06/2020 23:00

I've watched an ex meet and move in with someone during lockdown. Seriously.

He was in the shielding group too. And out of work.

I couldn't believe it - seeing videos of new woman with his children in her home. All in the space of four weeks.

Original poster
wowjustwowwhatttt · 27/06/2020 23:01

he was living with family and we didn't get to talking about rent as I said no to moving in after him constantly talking about it! but while we were in a relationship he was staying at mine all the time and didn't offer to help financially.

When i say all the time more than where he was living

OP posts:
Original poster
wowjustwowwhatttt · 27/06/2020 23:03

rare - wow how does this happen?

I would love to meet someone new but we are in lockdown, its not safe is it, I wouldn't put my dc at risk in that way its just insane...

OP posts:
rareateeth · 27/06/2020 23:07

Well I don't really know. Tinder I think?

We had a brief thing that ended at Xmas. He was active on social media and could see he was chatting about new people.

Then it was announced that he was madly in love with her and that she was his soul mate over VE weekend and then there posts about how much FUN they were having and how they are MEANT TO BE TOGETHER along with many dinner pics and videos of said FUN with his children.

I unfollowed him and haven't looked since.

Me cynical? No way.

Rosieredapples · 27/06/2020 23:07

You have had a lucky escape!
He sounds awful, well done for listening to your instincts / internal red flags. You really are well rid of him as hurtful as it may be right now.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 27/06/2020 23:11

I think the most hurtful thing about it is that they had an agenda, an objective, all along. And any woman would do, they're not that fussy if that makes sense.

rareateeth · 27/06/2020 23:12

It's horrible though isn't it? Just thinking of them using those lines on someone else. Looking in their eyes. Telling them that they're meant to be together.

I try not to think about it but it stings.

Original poster
wowjustwowwhatttt · 27/06/2020 23:13

rare - its shocking isn't it Confused

rosie - yes i do agree. at the time it was difficult to see the truth as he was always so agreeable and seemed so nice but it was all fake and i knew it!

I think i do feel hurt as i was genuinely very honest and upfront with him and told him alot of personal things about me, and i feel like it was all a lie Sad

I wasn't sad when we ended I was actually glad and felt relieved but i think it is abit like when you thought someone was cheating and then broke up with them with that suspicion, then a few months later find out its true.

OP posts:
rareateeth · 27/06/2020 23:15

Yeah shocking is the right word.

All their friends fawning over them on social media.

Not one person said - hold on mate - you have JUST met. You shouldn't have even left the house. Never mind dated. Never mind moved in with her. Never mind introduced tour children.

Everyone seemed pleased for them. Like an alternate universe.

rareateeth · 27/06/2020 23:17

So yeah you have my full sympathy! It's just a case of moving on and feeling it's been a lucky escape I think?

jessstan2 · 27/06/2020 23:17

Sounds as though you had a lucky escape, wow.

Original poster
wowjustwowwhatttt · 27/06/2020 23:18

notsuch - thats what is hurtful the thought that there was an agenda all along and I knew it but it makes me feel rubbish knowing its true.

rare - it is but also a little funny as I didn't fall for it and hopefully the next one wont.

It's not my business about his dc but he makes out he loves them so so much and lives for them but he's happy to introduce someone new so soon, and it wasn't too long ago he introduced me, it really does show he has no standards regarding his children. This showed when we were together and I didn't like this.

OP posts:
rareateeth · 27/06/2020 23:20

Yep. I feel the same about the children. Their mother should be horrified about what he's doing - and being so active on social media. Really careless.

I'm glad I was never part of that.

AnnaNimmity · 27/06/2020 23:21

I met someone like this - wanted me to meet his kids, move in and get married all in the first 2 months. In my case it was utter lovebombing.

He did the same with the next girlfriend too.

He was also permanently broke.

Original poster
wowjustwowwhatttt · 27/06/2020 23:21

rare - how strange everyone would think that is ok! I have no idea if my ex has put things on social media or not, I'm not big into it so he didn't with me which i'm glad about Smile

it is a lucky escape and i would love to move on and meet someone new but we are in lockdown so i will have to wait for an appropriate time Grin as i won't be bringing strangers into my home at this time Grin

OP posts:
rareateeth · 27/06/2020 23:24

@AnnaNimmity

I met someone like this - wanted me to meet his kids, move in and get married all in the first 2 months. In my case it was utter lovebombing.

He did the same with the next girlfriend too.

He was also permanently broke.

Oh yes to love bombing. So utterly convincing.
Original poster
wowjustwowwhatttt · 27/06/2020 23:25

rare - I am thinking the same about my exes ex - I wouldn't allow my dc to meet my exes new of of 5 minutes during lock down, these people are from a different world i'm sure

Anna - wow 2 months thats extremely quick! yea the broke thing seems to be a running trait, my ex was in loads of debt and lost his job in lockdown, how lucky his new gf is...

OP posts:
Original poster
wowjustwowwhatttt · 27/06/2020 23:27

what exactly do you consider 'lovebombing' to be?

OP posts:
rareateeth · 27/06/2020 23:28

There was a brilliant thread on love bombing here recently. Let me see if I can find it.

I definitely fell for it.

rareateeth · 27/06/2020 23:30

Love bombing ! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3919065-love-bombing

Original poster
wowjustwowwhatttt · 27/06/2020 23:33

Ok so i just googled love bombing - as i had an idea but not exactly what it was...

every single thing on the list happened apart from lavish gifts! i would have liked some gifts Grin

he was so needy, he got upset when i explained it was too full on, he called me a commitment phobic - i was fully committed but didn't want him moving in to share my space with him and all his dc.

rushing everything all the signs were there...

seriously its so hard to find a decent guy i may have to stay alone forever at this rate! no wonder it's hard to trust people

OP posts: