He really moved on so quickly after trying to force himself to move in with me...

[wowjustwowwhatttt]

I have named changed for this, i had posted about my issue before but i was seeing someone for not that long and he kept suggesting he move in and making jokes about it etc which was every single day. This resulted in me feeling under pressure.

I spoke with him and told him it would not happen etc, then we broke up a few weeks later.

I have just found out he has a new gf and he is introducing them to his children already.

The thing is we broke up just when lock down started so he has gone from being single to meeting someone to now introducing them to his children all in lock down

I'm not jealous so that is not the reason for the post but this all cements in my mind that I was correct, he was being pushy with me because he wanted to live with me due to his current living situation and not because as he said he was so in love with me.

I'm just feeling like he just wanted to use me.

Also how the hell does anyone meet someone in lock down and get close enough to introduce them to their children it really does show that the whole relationship was based on his needs and not the fact that he just liked me and wanted to be with me.

Yep. High 5 to that.

Oh I fell for it too OP - it was amazing! (and I did get the gifts, flowers, photos, poems, etc on top of the proposals, constant messaging, declarations of love etc).

On the plus side, you won't fall for it again!

the thread is interesting, he was trying to love bomb but i feel like its ok as i didn't fall for it and i knew it wasn't right so i feel slightly better i suppose

Good for you. Honestly I did fall for most of it and I feel like a right idiot.

But not so much now I know he's using the same script on someone else.

but you didn't put up with it for too long so you didn't actually fall for it.

I was discussing this with a friend tonight and said it make me feel bad like i was used - tbh I would rather be used for sex by a guy than in this way! and her response was no he didn't get to use you so he tried and failed.

this is true for all of us that have got rid of them we didn't actually fall for this.

One poster on the other thread mentioned the 'agreeing' this is something that really bothered me about my ex, when i spoke to him and said look you keep talking about moving in and it's making me feel under pressure i have no space for you and your dc he completely agreed with me and insisted he wanted to get his own place for his dc. i did ask then why did he keep going on about moving in he said it was a joke - why joke about it every single day

Wow sounds like someone just out to get their needs met and to have a woman there to help him look after the kids. I’ve been single 5 years since I split from the mother of my kids as I think the main thing I need to do is be there for my kids every weekend and give them what they need in a Dad. My ex on the other hand moved a new man into the house about a month after I moved out. Not saying I’m perfect or anything as I’m far from that but my kids come first even above myself. Sounds like you dodged a bullet there though. Good luck for the future x

anna - atleast you got the gifts all i got was pressure and his Mr nice act

I say this but i'm actually very independent and always pay my way and don't like taking too many gifts too soon etc - later in a relationship I'm more than happy with gifts

Daz - it's nice to get a guys perspective on it too - I agree bullet well dodged!

You’re welcome and I agree with what you’ve said. I like to think I’m a good man and try and be honest in everything I do. I was brought up as a gentleman and think there are not many of us left but don’t give up because of one mans actions we seriously aren’t all the same and there are good men out there x

There really are not many left - any tips where to find the good guys? (obviously once lockdown is over)

If I knew the answer to that I’d be an extremely rich and clever man. Sadly I’m neither so you will just have to take a chance on the best candidates you can find x but if you could tell me where to find a lovely woman who would like to get to know a shy man and have the time to get to know him before meeting his kids and moving in then I’m together then I’m all ears 😂

Predators will move quickly to exploit a crisis

So much this. I ended a 20 year marriage a few months ago. I'm clearly not that special because, as predicted, stbxh is already deeply into a new relationship. Not being with a woman isn't an option for him. All my kids have met her and the eldest spends a lot of time with new woman and her daughter. It shows me clear as day that I wasn't the love of his life but just a replaceable body - I could have been anyone. He lovebombed me like crazy in the first year or so of our relationship - undying love, gifts, trips to places I had always wanted to go etc. The fact that he was an abusive ass means I am more than happy now to be single, but I feel like such an idiot for believing I meant so much to him for a long time. All of a sudden he is in a real hurry to finalise the divorce. I am betting he will be living with new woman within a year and married within two. I feel bad for her actually, as nobody deserves to be treated in such a mercenary way. @crosseyedMary has it right - these guys are predators and need to lock down their next target asap.

@rareateeth, it's completely like an alternate universe. For my own sense of security, I have only told a very few trusted people about the reasons behind our separation. Stbxh has posted a few pictures on Facebook staring smugly at the camera with his new love, or tagging her. And I watch mutual friends (most of whom don't know what he is really like) 'liking' the photos. Once even my own bloody mum!!

Well if he had no money and no job it looks like he was hoping to live for free with you. How long had you been together when he first suggested it?

daz - i think all the women are at home looking after their children I always joke with my friends saying why arnt the guys coming to knock on our doors to find us as we won't meet anyone stuck at home

everythingback - wow that must be very hurtful after such a long relationship and being married. mine was less than a year.

I think it just really shows some men just wont be alone.

Your mum liked the photos - what a traitor...

banana - he had a job and then lost it due to covid - all the jokes were before covid so was working and I suppose would have contributed if he moved in but he had lots of debts and child maintenance to pay so I doubt would have contributed much.

I can't exactly remember when he first suggested moving in, but his living circumstances changed and he had to move in with family after about 6 months he knew about a month before that he had to leave his current place so the so-called 'jokes' about moving in became very consistent around 5 months of being together i would say.

Although I know he had talked about it before that but not so intense, and i suppose before him knowing he was moving in with family his jokes could have even seemed like jokes, but once he knew he was moving it wasn't jokes it was pressure.

wowjustwowwhatttt Thanks for that lol just wish I knew which door to know on then 😜 Think I’ll have to try harder if I want someone to be happy with and hopefully find someone who wants me as much as I want then x