All this threads about terrible guys make me think I made a mistake...

[Jackeroosmum]

Evening everyone.
I could do with some impartial advice / people to knock some sense into me!
Was with my ex 16 years, married 10. We separated in January after I discovered he had had an affair 2 year previously (I found this out last October so been a while really since we've been together). Unfortunately this wasn't the first time he had started during our marriage. This was the third woman (that I know of) that he'd slept with - first long term affair though (lasted 2 months).
But in all other ways he was a good partner and I really miss him. I miss having him as my person and my friend. For example I'm having issues with work and although I talk to friends and family, it's not the same as having that special person to confide in.
And then I read on here of all these awful guys and the horrors of online dating and I can't help but think whether I should give my marriage another go. He's going through counselling to try and fix his issues and wants to change.
Please someone tell me this is crazy thinking!

Just want to pop in and say thanks for all the advice and tips. I honestly can't believe I'm so stupid. There must be something wrong with me.
So I have spent the weekend worrying about my marriage and whether leaving was a mistake as my ex says he still loves me, he misses me and he will change etc...
Found out this morning he's on all the dating sites so already moving on 💔. I clearly mean nothing to him.
So... Off to get me a lawyer and divorce the lying bastard!

Ugh so sorry @Jackeroosmum. At least you know now.
Men like this seem like another species.

It will hurt but ultimately your life will be so much better without all the stress and doubt that comes from being with him.

This is who he is and who he’ll be with every woman he meets.

This is the start of a happier life for you - good luck!!

So sorry from me too. It is the silver lining, though it does not seem like it now: There are good guys out there and you will attract those when you have reset your boundaries / what you learnt about relationships from your parents. Best of luck P.S. You are not stupid. This is all on him.

You asked about where people vent.
So I have an OH but sometimes I've already had a preliminary vent with him listening ... so at times I just write it all down on my phone or in a notebook. Very easy to burn the page, even easier to get rid of a file. I know it's not the same as a friend's listening ear but it was still helpful.

who does everyone else turn to for support?

I turn to friends and family. I find different people are better at offering help in some situations than others - just as friends will turn to me with some problems, but not others. My partner is great. He is kind, loving, supportive and as far as anyone can be sure, he wouldn't cheat. But I don't expect everything from him. There are just some situations where it's better to offload onto a friend. My partner is a single parent and that comes with its own burdens so sometimes, with the best will in the world, he doesn't have the emotional capacity to help with everything I need help with.

Other than that, there's my horse and my own resourcefulness in knowing about self care and the things that lift me up. You really don't need a partner or husband that cheats on you, just to have some support through the bad times. It will be a false support anyway, since ultimately they will put you through some of the worst times through a basic lack of respect for you. Having an affair is the biggest way of proving their unreliability.

Don't take him back PLEASE. He will see you as a doormat that he can walk over all the time. You've given him his chance.

Oh I definitely won't be taking him back. Have an appointment next week with a divorce lawyer. I have finally accepted that I married a complete arsehole who managed to con me for years. Feel such a fool and utterly heartbroken tbh