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Original poster

Patronising/condescending...

38 replies

Eyerollplease · 26/06/2020 22:34

"don't worry your pretty little head about it"

Ugh!!! So tired of being patronised even if he thinks he is "only joking". Best way to respond? He sent it by text.

OP posts:
Cheesypea · 26/06/2020 22:37

Radio silence

NoMoreDickheads · 26/06/2020 22:38

Maybe 'Oh, fuck off.' Grin

What was the conversation about? If it happened once or twice I would assume the person is joking, if the rest of their attitude to you isn't like that. But if it's a constant tendency he might belong in the bin.

Original poster
Eyerollplease · 26/06/2020 22:41

Honestly, it has been a tendency. He is a fair amount older. I am better educated than him and a professional but I do tend to get a bit "girly" and silly around him so perhaps I bring it on myself. Or maybe he has that effect.

It was about me checking he was still being careful and worrying about covid. So serious topic.

The worst thing is I couldn't bring myself to reply as I know it would just blow up in an argument or it would be me being "too sensitive" etc. Even if I just said something like "I find that comment patronising."

OP posts:
NoMoreDickheads · 26/06/2020 22:52

I know it would just blow up in an argument or it would be me being "too sensitive" etc

Does he say that? He sounds misogynistic and also is dismissive of your feelings and needs.

He doesn't consider you an equal (and/or due to you being more educated/professional he feels his natural misogynistic feeling of superiority is threatened and is trying to bring you down so he feels like top dog.)

Either way, he's not good partner material and he's disrespecting you. Time to end it.

Original poster
Eyerollplease · 26/06/2020 23:10

He has said once or twice about me being too sensitive. I have tried to explain why that isn't a great thing to say.

I think he has his own insecurities himself and than plays a part, yes. But because he is older and I can be, rather eccentric let's say, he has took on this position, not of being superior but I don't know, something a bit more than me. I know that isn't healthy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Eyerollplease · 26/06/2020 23:14

I know that he probably was just trying to lighten the mood or stop me worrying. But that phrase in particular just smacks of a certain level of ingrained misogyny to me, even if it isn't realised by him.

OP posts:
Institutkarite · 26/06/2020 23:28

Any man that tells you that you're too sensitive is a twat. First class grade A misogynistic arsehole.
I'd probably go with a sarcastic response. Oh gosh, how lovely, it really hurts my poor little brain when I have to think, thank you so much for relieving me from this problem. Mind you he'd probably take you seriously.
Depends on how much you care about him and who is more important to you.
If it's him then just suck it up. If it's you, as it should be, just walk away.
Life is too short to spend time with a patronising condescending misogynistic dickhead.

backseatcookers · 26/06/2020 23:39

Stop.

Seeing.

This.

Man!!!

Raise your bar. He's talking to you like you're stupid because he thinks you're stupid. He's being patronising because he thinks you're inferior to him. He says you're too sensitive because he expects women to put up and shut up.

My vagina would be sealing itself shut if a man spoke to me like that.

Wondersense · 26/06/2020 23:44

He thinks it's funny, but he might actually feel emasculated and intimidated by you, that's why he needs to patronise you. It's to make himself feel better. Either that or he thinks you're a bit dim, either way is not good. And no. You haven't brought it on yourself. You should feel able to be vulnerable and softer around a significant other without them disrespecting that. It's not a good sign.

Dollyrocket · 26/06/2020 23:47

Sounds like a twattish, embarrassing uncle thing to say to anyone..

Furloughedpissedoff · 27/06/2020 00:36

Text back "your showing your age love, I had know idea I was dating my dad" and any time he asks you a question reply "don't worry your pretty little head about it". He'll soon stop being a dick.

category12 · 27/06/2020 00:39

Yeah, maybe "alright dad" - to be followed up with "actually it's a real turn off when you speak to me like that."

Or just give him the boot.

timeisnotaline · 27/06/2020 01:19

It’s a real turn off when you speak to me like that, you’re not my dad.
And think about this- guys who say this are probably not capable of being a genuine partner who loves and respects you as an equal.

alexdgr8 · 27/06/2020 01:26

i actually thought you were talking about your dad/uncle etc, older male relative, because you didn't specify, and because why would anyone choose to inter=act with someone like this otherwise ?????
you could reply, that's ok, and you don't worry your big thick ugly head about it dearie, now snuggle back down into your clubhouse armchair and read about fly-fishing.
wave him goodbye.

Iflyaway · 27/06/2020 01:27

your showing your age love

Let's not get into ageism here

A creep is a creep, whatever age.

Nicolastuffedone · 27/06/2020 07:25

Why are you behaving ‘girly’ and ‘silly’ around him?

Original poster
Eyerollplease · 27/06/2020 07:49

Thanks everyone.

I don't know why @nicholastuffedone...I've always ended up being a bit like that with boyfriends, but never this much. Maybe like @Wondersense says it is a softer more vulnerable/feminine side. I don't know!

OP posts:
Ilovetheseventies · 27/06/2020 07:49

Why not make a joke out of it instead of taking it too seriously? Such as above or... God haven't heard that expression since the eighties!

Original poster
Eyerollplease · 27/06/2020 07:53

Maybe I should just link him to this thread 😂

I haven't replied yet. Perhaps it is too late to say anything now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Eyerollplease · 27/06/2020 07:54

I could make a joke...I don't know, I just dislike that phrase a lot. And I do feel a bit patronised sometimes the rest of the time, even if he is just trying to joke around.

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 27/06/2020 08:01

But if you are choosing to act like a silly little girl around him, why are you then offended when he chooses to treat you like a silly little girl? You cant have it both ways. Perhaps if you start acting like an adult, he will start treating you like one.

category12 · 27/06/2020 08:01

So you're just going to let it go, because "it's too late" or he'll tell you you're too sensitive.

And so you let him erode your boundary and speak down to you.

And that's OK because cock?

anditgoeson · 27/06/2020 08:06

Being told I'm too sensitive is my pet hate! I cant stand this type of talk OP. How do you cope, I couldn't handle this.

Original poster
Eyerollplease · 27/06/2020 08:16

I didn't say silly little girl. I said silly (maybe like, funny), and girly. That is just sometimes. As @Wondersense said maybe I should be able to express a softer/more feminine side to a boyfriend without being condescended to?

I probably will say something later even if it is just a simple "I felt patronised by that comment".

Yes I hate the too sensitive thing too. It is bullshit and I know it but so many men seem to use it to get out of things or taking responsibility.

OP posts:
Rainbowshine · 27/06/2020 08:21

My reply would be ending things, to be honest. It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship for you. I think you could spend some time thinking about roles and personas in relationships as you say you tend to adopt a giggly demeanour which must be rooted from something you’ve learned/experienced.

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