Patronising/condescending...

[Eyerollplease]

"don't worry your pretty little head about it"

Ugh!!! So tired of being patronised even if he thinks he is "only joking". Best way to respond? He sent it by text.

I didn't say feminine - you've added that on your own. Think if you were a man - as a man, wouldn't you like to show a vulnerable side without a partner trampling on it or thinking you're weak? It's the same for men & women.

How long have you been with him? If he's like this at an early stage, you will be forever defending yourself like this. Never be with a man who doesn't listen to you or take you seriously. It shows a lack of respect.

Yes, thanks. I know. I'm not sure I want another serious relationship after this one anyway to be honest.

Forgot to say - this situation is quite useful for weeding out men that are not good for you!

I don't know if this applies to you but the getting girly/feminine can be part of the 'Disease To Please,' you want to gain their approval etc. This is also why you find it hard to say anything in response immediately.

If you feel you're a people pleaser, at least in your romantic relationships, The Disease To Please is a good book. www.amazon.co.uk/Disease-Please-Curing-People-Pleasing-Syndrome/dp/0071385649?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

That's cringeville and a complete turn-off.

He must know he's punching above his weight with you, so why be so stupid(??) to say such a thing.

Does he often like to belittle you and put you in your place?

Thank you. I am not sure I am a people pleaser to a really bad extent...
I think the reason I didn't bother replying in the end is because we have had some pretty bad arguments and I have already got to that stage where I feel it's better to try as much as possible to hold my tongue.

@Eyerollplease

Thank you. I am not sure I am a people pleaser to a really bad extent... I think the reason I didn't bother replying in the end is because we have had some pretty bad arguments and I have already got to that stage where I feel it's better to try as much as possible to hold my tongue.

This is the stage where you end things.

If you have to "hold your tongue" to avoid pretty bad arguments it's time to call it a day. Please do.

I didn't bother replying in the end is because we have had some pretty bad arguments and I have already got to that stage where I feel it's better to try as much as possible to hold my tongue.

So he is controlling you, consciously or unconsciously, through his response in arguments. And to an extent it is a matter of assertiveness. You are afraid of conflict/avoidant of it. But he doesn't sound like any discussion would be any use because he won't consider your point of view, anyway.

In general he sounds like he thinks he's superior, or at least is trying to assert his superiority over you as a woman.

Bin bin bin! You could just send him a text saying why you're blocking and then block on everything before he has a chance to reply nastily, or just block.

Dump him already. If you can't be yourself with him and can never disagree without him kicking off, then you're totally wasting your time.

I am pretty assertive, or at least I used to be. I think my assertiveness may be a problem for him, always seems to cause arguments or make them worse.

If you are trying to figure out what to say or how to act or how to reply because you are worried about how you will be perceived or causing a bigger argument, then you aren't being authentically you with him.

He thinks he is better than you and you are trying to figure out why to tell him that he's not, when really you should just get rid of him.

Here’s your reply:

Hi patronisingmisogonist my pretty little head has been doing some thinking. We’ve had some bad arguments lately and it’s made me uneasy about things. On reflection I have realised that you’re not the right person for me, and that your values and expectations of me in this relationship are inconsistent with who I am. I won’t be reconsidering this so please don’t contact me to debate it. All the best, Eyeroll

What do you mean by "girly" OP?

My niece is a girl. She's very good at maths and plays soccer in an A league team.

Tbh I find that just as patronising and condescending to girls.

You've got a bucket load of internalised misogyny and surprise surprise you've ended up with a misogynist.

I have limited sympathy for you. Sort out the way you describe girls and the negative behavioural attributes you give them at the same time as you ditch this sexist prick.