Angry all the time post abuse, is this normal?

[Fightingback16]

Has anybody gone through this and have any advice, will it ever end, is this normal?

I came out of 11 year abusive last year with trauma and PTSD. I seem to be moving past constant fear and onto anger. I’m angry all the time, just scratch the surface and I’m pissed off. I know I’m not angry with the situation or people in front of me now. I’m angry about what happened, how it happened, how I never knew I was living so bad. I’m angry as when I met my husband I just finished my Masters, i’d been in magazines, newspapers, the radio, I was a vibrant achiever, I was in the flow of opportunities. It literally stopped the day I met him (I won’t go into details, I’m sure we all know how abuse works).
Now I’m none of those things, I’m struggling to regain my identity, working through my fear, trying to raise my daughter alone, trying to get myself working like a normal human and not get freaked out by the slightest thing. I am not myself at all, not like I was, so I’m pissed off at life and at him!
I have a right to be pissed off but it’s not really helpful all the time!

The bit about removing the condom is so traumatising for me. He did that the first time we had sex and I tried to stop what was happening but he wouldn’t stop. I had two abortions because of this in the first year, it haunts me, I’m disgusted with myself but I couldn’t see another way out. He was disgusted with me, he was very violent about it. He said I ruined his whole life, being a dad was all he ever wanted but he never asked me what I wanted, he forced it on me.

I told him that I wanted children after knowing him more, and that I’d like to be settled and have a house. As soon as we got the house I had to pay him back. He said there you fucking go there is your house now I want my side of the deal. I look at my daughter and I feel so guilty.

Poor you. This is all on him. You are carrying his guilt and shame for him and you need to try to let it go.

How about thinking he ruined your life? Sounds like he sees everyone around him as objects, not possessions

Oh yes he did ruin my life I see that now but I carried that shame for a long time. I was very depressed, I didn’t go out the house for a year afterwards. He told me he didn’t want talk about it, it was my choice so my blame to carry.

It may be his fault but I still carry the memories of the operations and the fact that it was my body.

What?? He says it was your choice to abort after he forcibly impregnated you?
He's awful. It's his fault - he got you pregnant when you didn't want to be.

Him taking the condom off is rape, too. I'm so sorry. He sounds like a predator and you deserve so much better.

Everything was my fault, absolutely everything. I forgot just how much of a struggle it was with him, especially in the beginning. After all that I was pretty easy, it’s kind of broke my spirit .

He sent me an email today even though he has been asked so many times to not contact me via lawyers only. All it talks about is him and his needs and all the things that’s wrong in his life and for me give him 50/50 contact with dd in exchange for him leaving the house. She is not a possession. There is a reason I stopped contact and it’s nothing to do with me using her as a weapon as I’m annoyed he won’t leave the family home. He says he is depressed and that he thought we would get back together.....he makes me sick! He begs me not to follow through with court action (even though the applications are in) he says we are in a recession and we shouldn’t be wasting our money on lawyers.

Those sad little emails won’t work anymore on me.