Angry all the time post abuse, is this normal?

[Fightingback16]

Has anybody gone through this and have any advice, will it ever end, is this normal?

I came out of 11 year abusive last year with trauma and PTSD. I seem to be moving past constant fear and onto anger. I’m angry all the time, just scratch the surface and I’m pissed off. I know I’m not angry with the situation or people in front of me now. I’m angry about what happened, how it happened, how I never knew I was living so bad. I’m angry as when I met my husband I just finished my Masters, i’d been in magazines, newspapers, the radio, I was a vibrant achiever, I was in the flow of opportunities. It literally stopped the day I met him (I won’t go into details, I’m sure we all know how abuse works).
Now I’m none of those things, I’m struggling to regain my identity, working through my fear, trying to raise my daughter alone, trying to get myself working like a normal human and not get freaked out by the slightest thing. I am not myself at all, not like I was, so I’m pissed off at life and at him!
I have a right to be pissed off but it’s not really helpful all the time!

Often we have/have had other ppl in our lives before the abuser who didn't treat us right and led to the damage of our boundaries.

It's possible that they are cut from the same cloth. Sometimes they are our parents. Or sometimes our parents have poor boundaries with regards to how they let others treat them. And we learn those.

Hope it isnt a case of out of the frying pan into the fire :/

What kind of therapist is she?
I think sensorimotor therapists such as those who do EMDR are better for this kind of thing.

The reaction is happening in your body...you that's why you can't think your way out of those states!

It’s because the lady works for a charity and it’s not up again yet due to the virus. I really felt safe with this lady so I’m hanging on for now and trying to keep myself as calm as possible!

My mum more kind of irritates me because she has such a negative outlook on life. She has no friend and no real hobbies. I know I’m in her house but she has too much interest in what I’m doing when she needs to look at what she is doing first.

Me too OP
It’s a journey without sounding cheesy
Mine ended in Dec 19 , 20 years

I actually started sertraline as in the aftermath I lost it a few time’s with the kids and it was a massive concern for me
But I still flare

You can’t get over it overnight

All that self care ? It’s works
Medication
Exercise
Therapy
Reading about it

You will be OK lass , but look after yourself and get some MH support and process it

Trust me I lost my shit a few times , as did my kids

Sometimes I can feel the anger rising, especially when dd has dropped the 20th cup of water on the floor. I have to walk away and tell myself I’m not angry with her I’m angry because I’m angry at all the injustice. If I loose it with her then I will be very upset. I have shouted and felt very bad.
I feel better knowing that all you guys have been the same, I feel more “normal”. There is nothing worse then feeling like you are wrong.

That’s why I started sertraline OP
I’m 46 and have never taken medication
Always the therapy and exercise route

But after DP
Left I was crazy and wasn’t coping in any way shape or form

It helped , is helping

I’ve tried several anti depressants in the past. The last year of the relationship my dad died of cancer and I wasn’t coping. Each one gave me insomnia and one of them gave me awful racing thoughts so I’m a bit scared of them now.

@Fightingback16

There is a women who was at the freedom programme with me, she met a new man a few weeks after leaving her abusive husband of 12 years. I want that, but I’m so not in the right place, how can she be and not me.

That soon after ending an abusive relationship? He's extremely likely to be another abuser - maybe a different type she doesn't recognise yet. Until it's too late. Don't envy her - trust me that there's no bed of roses in her future with that guy. In real life, abused women don't get rescued by lovely men - they get targeted by predators seeking raw vulnerability.

I envy that she had someone to talk to and he’s helping her BUT I want to make sure I have my own stuff sorted before any relationship. I want my house sorted, change of career perhaps and proper stability so that I don’t need a man. Also right now I would be terribly argumentative!

I don’t have the attitude that I need saving anymore and looking after.

Haven't read the full thread, but I suggest you take your time to be angry. Be angry, for as long as it takes. Until you're not. These things take time, it's counterproductive to rush it. Ride your emotions, don't fight them. You're allowed to be fucking angry.

Someone needs to write a manual for the after effects of leaving abuse. Might not feel so out of control if I knew it was normal!!!!!

Each one gave me insomnia and one of them gave me awful racing thoughts so I’m a bit scared of them now
I'm on sertraline and had that at the start. Called my GP because I thought I should stop, he said its actually a sign your brain is receptive to it and give it two weeks (and gave me sleeping pills in the meantime).
The sertraline has worked really well after that with minimal side effects for me. Can't now get off it so I wouldn't necessarily recommend it, but if you do think ADs might help it's worth persisting for a bit

I hate medication, I really don’t want it unless I absolutely have to. I went to the gp for something and she said to me the best advice she can give me is to push through all of what I’m feeling. I’m bloody trying. Even though I’m angry and sad I’m still up everyday looking after dd and trying my best. I am determined to sort myself out. That’s today anyway, tomo I’ll probably be begging for something. At least with me I’m sleeping well. I’ve always been a terrible sleeper, I hated being in the bed with him so now I don’t have to worry.

I take magnesium and b6 for PMT, that has actually helped loads so could be worth trying something like that too

I take iron and an electrolyte vitamin at the moment. I definitely need something for my pmt, I’m really shocking around that time of the month, I can feel it. I get a fever for 2 days right before it each month and my right boob is full of cysts and have a 1.5cm on my right ovary which get really painful. I stopped the pill as I get visual migraines but only when I’m highly stressed. I tried the mini pill but had stomach cramps for many months and couldn’t take the pain anymore.

I have had a couple of blood test results over the year where low oestrogen was flagged up but nothing given for it.

Hello, I have PTSD and too not for the same reasons but still, it has taken me nearly 5 years to get myself fully sorted, I went from being fearful and not leaving my home to angry constantly every time anyone brought it up everything that triggered it, I ended up doing An emotional coping skills Course this allowed me to regain control of who I am and not this angry person I’d become, I decided to try cognitive behavioural therapy too and it has helped immensely and now I use mind to keep myself level, it’s not an easy road I won’t pretend it is and to be honest sometimes it can still get to me and I haven’t had to take medication for it, I am not at peace with what I’ve been through but it takes time and a lot of hard work

It was supposed to say I am at peace

Hi Just read all this.
I have just left a horrific abusive relationship.
I am not angry.... yet...
But I get everything else you say. And other than the anger (which hasn't come yet) I feel pretty much like you do.
I also have a masters. But I cannot work, my brain is dead and I don't know who I am any more either.
Just to let you know you are not alone in how you feel x

Agree that no one tells us that recovering from the abuse is hard! I thought the difficult part would be to leave.
We're lucky we have each other. I get a lot of strength on here.

It’s crap that there is even a “group” for this but it does feel better to not be alone.

I was ok for the first 6 months after leaving. I stopped all contact with my husband, including child contact and within a few weeks bam this PTSD just happens. I say I was ok, I was terrified all the time and did exactly what he asked of me. Now I don’t see him the fear is not so bad but the anger has reared it’s head. It’s hard to turn it away from yourself and onto him. Getting angry at the stupidest little things and shouting at those I love is not fair. I am trying so hard to acknowledge it but not let it control me.
Nobody tells you about this, I guess it would scare you into not leaving and not everyone suffers the same way. It will be worth it in the end.

I can really relate to this OP, I also have ptsd after a traumatic event that pretty much ruined my life and changed me into a different person last year.
I can relate to the intense feelings of anger at everything you’ve been through, and not knowing what to do with that anger. It eats away at you and there seems no let-up or ending to it.
I’m about a year on and going through cbt at the moment. The anger has lessened somewhat over that year, but nowhere near what I’d hoped, and it still flairs up at horrible moments and I find myself losing it at silly things. I think my near constant anxiety also adds to the anger.
I’m sorry I don’t have any useful advice, I’m guessing time, along with the therapy when it starts again for you, will help. Just wanted to say you’re not alone

So glad everyone is posting and sharing on here, thank you fightingback for posting in the first place. It really helps to know I am not alone. When I got put in the refuge it was nice as other girls had been through same as me, but I wasnt there long as I moved in with family, the time I was there I was in state of shock, but it helped even in my shock mode.
So for you to share it is really helping me too, a therapy in itself.
I don't want it to take years to recover, not even months... I want to recover in days... but every day seems the same....

Fightingback, the thing about the reactions that you're having is that they are happening in your body, not your head...so you can't really think your way out of them.

Sometimes talk therapy isn't the right thing for this and someone who uses sensorimotor methods is the better fit so you should try to see what services are in your area if are still waiting for therapy.