Thanks all for your responses, they really helped. I feel like a fraud now, but here is the update. He went to view the flat and we discussed a bit of the logistics, and for all those that said it - you were right, I don’t want to give up the relationship yet, that is not what I want, but I feel like I had no choice. We talked, he listened, I listened. Neither of us want to have councilling particularly, but I will keep it in mind and suggest again If things turn sour again, I know there is only so many times, and so many chances. I did really blow my top out of nowhere from his point of view on Tuesday and I was emphatic about him going as we had almost got to this point before.
He did agree to cut down on the alcohol and I did agree that I would try to get in better shape - ( I need to for myself as much as anything and I appreciate that it would make a difference to him). He finished the decorating today spent time going out and sourcing stuff for the project with DD - and was much more engaged with every body today.
He is having a tough time work wise at the moment- there are redundancies and wage cuts coming down the line and this is a stressful and unsettling time. I am not making excuses for him, because there were cracks already, we both are going to keep trying for now.
I am not stupid though and I know that in another six months, a year, two years, five years, it might really be time To call it a day. But everyday the kids grow a bit more and the longer we can stay together as a functioning happy family unit the better in my opinion.
Still weighing up the behaviours the DC see being modelled from both sides, and conscious of the effect it might have on them. I think on balance if things do improve given both our efforts It is in their best interest to keep on trying.
I am so sorry for the posters that did have to go through the talk with the DC and were kind enough to share their experience, you all sounded so strong and you will have set a fine example to your DC good luck on your continued journeys.