Ended it via text

[Ritascornershop]

I don’t live in the UK, very few cases here, we have been allowed to go for socially distanced walks all along, which progressed to having a group to socialize w for quite a while now.

In April and May I went on some distanced walks with a man I knew a bit from our community. It was nice chatting to him. He’s quite a bit older than me, and I did feel at times there was a generation gap. He’s also quite well off and I felt that could be a problem as I find men here are very income conscious about women. After 5 of these walks though, and me being very clear repeatedly that I wanted to go slowly as I was very cautious w men, he got very handsy (& I was both not ready for that and thought he was a terrible kisser). Then he blurted out that he wanted “fun”, which I took to mean he wanted a fwb & not a relationship. Which I’m certainly not into with him, or possibly any pensioner.

So I thought I’d let it die a death and just not contact him (but if he’d contacted me I would have replied & let him know).

Six weeks later (of no contact) he suddenly texts me to let me know he’s not interested in seeing me again. Nice to meet you Rita, but I’ll pass thanks kind of thing. Cheeky fucker!!

I’m leaning to ignoring him but slightly want to reply telling him that I hadn’t messaged him because I wasn’t into it! I’m assuming ignoring is the more dignified route? I’m irked that he thinks I’m disappointed though.

I haven’t had much practice dating since my divorce years ago, so I’m unsure how most people would handle this. Thoughts?

I definitely wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of replying. He's baiting you. If you can't help but want him to know you weren't pining after him, a simple "who is this?" will get that message across.

Don't reply, I've learnt the hard way that silence says more than a thousand words!

Ignore ignore ignore, as pp said he’s baiting you! Don’t rise to it, that’s what he wants. He already knew exactly how you felt.

I’m not entirely sure how he is a cheeky fucker. You decided it was over but didn’t let him know just ghosted him.
He text and said it was over. Both of you sound quite immature.
Just move on

I like the “who is this”

I shall ignore then, that was my instinct but I have a bad habit of over explaining emotional stuff.

@Idontgiveagriffindamn - it didn’t strike me as ghosting as I would have replied to him if he’d texted me, he can equally be said to have ghosted me. Previous to this he’d initiated all but one of the walks. Previous relationships have led me to believe men take me for granted if I do the chasing, so I was trying to see if anything changed if I let him initiate walks.

I thought it was cheeky to not contact me for 6 weeks and then only do it to let me know he wasn’t interested. After that amount of time it’s pretty self-evident on both sides I’d thought.

Yea I’d have to reply....
And I’d definitely reply with “Sorry, who is this? I don’t seem to have your number saved...”

My instinct was also 'who is this?'

Nah, he knows you’re not into him this is a last grab at taking control. Continue to ignore and keep control.

Once you respond, even with a transparent and stupid who is this, he takes control thinks you were waiting for him to text and well basically that you’re an idiot who plays games with the daft who is this nonsense.

You basically rejected him for 6 weeks. Which is your right. He is trying to salvage what’s left of his ego by taking control of the situation.

Leave it. It’s understandable, if not a bit sad, what he did.

Yes, def 'sorry, who is this?' It suggests you've deleted his contact. It'll cut to the bone.

Oh definitely don’t reply and block. I did lots of online dating 10 years ago and I can still remember how painful radio silence was when inflicted on me. Honestly it’s golden. Nothing beats it.

I can't see that he has done anything very wrong - he's just not someone you want to see again.
I agree with PP who have said that his ego needs to be the one who 'appears' to have done the dumping.

I wouldn't want him to be under the misapprehension that I had been pining for him, though, so in this instance I would reply - something like:
"I thought the same after our last meeting 6 weeks ago. Sorry that you had the impression that I was still interested. Take care, Rita."

Ignore and don’t reply as that will definitely sting as others have said. Plus there will also be that part of him that logics out that you must have got the message but since you didn’t reply maybe you didn’t ... he will waste head space wondering if he should contact you again in some other way to say the same thing while thinking what if she did get the message and she’s not replying? Which makes him look even more pathetic than pretending he was ending it in the first place.

Why is it necessary to send an unpleasant response; or to hurt him?

You weren’t in a relationship so he didn’t “end” anything. The title is misleading. You don’t even like him so why are you so upset you need to hurt him?!

Just reply... don't allow him to take up any more space in your head

I think 'who is this?' Is great, I would go for it.

Just don't reply. He's taken offence at not being contacted (it doesn't sound like you were in a relationship anyway!) and he's just trying to get one over on you. It sounds like he only wanted you as his fwb anyway? And this was after you telling him you wanted to take things slowly. Errr no thanks! Stick to knowing your worth. No positive discussion would come from replying to him. Give yourself a pat on the back for dodging a bullet there!

His ego has led him to send that message, your ego has led you to be annoyed at it.

Shrug, block and move on.

Another one saying “who is this” is your response!

100% who is this?

Thanks all, I think I shall ignore. I don’t want him to think I’ve been pining, but on the whole I think ignoring is best. Good practice for me getting over my habit of wanting to be understood at all times.

You've definitely dodged a bullet. You said in the op that he ignored your boundaries and was pushing for physical affection. This tells me he's not innocent, naive or clueless. He was testing the waters to see if your boundaries are firm or can they be moved. There are plenty of his type around, and they usually play a numbers game hoping someone will bite. That's why it's been a while. Well done for being dignified and not getting caught up.

Thanks @somedayillbesaturdaynite - it’s taken me decades to get to the point where I realise being nice is not always in my best interest with men (or coworkers for that matter). For decades I thought if I was nice to people they’d be nice back, but a minority take advantage and/or bully.

I got home from the last time I saw him (in May!) & thought “I am way too nice” & I also brushed my teeth for a long time and used mouthwash as I felt rather invaded by his “kissing”. I should have pushed him away, but didn’t want to hurt his feelings (rolling my eyes at myself).

He was nice to chat to, well off, but I was telling myself that in time maybe I’d be attracted & I also didn’t like that he implied one walk that I was too energetic, talked too much. If someone is already finding fault then why waste time with each other. And I may have a low income, but I was raised around that income bracket (not of it) and would slot in well, I’m bright, attractive, younger, a good cook, and good companion. So if someone does not see that in me then don’t propose a fwb thing. I’m at the point in my life where I want someone to show up for me if needed, not have a pensioner as a fuck buddy (annoyed so feeling a bit grumpy about it),

Sorry for going on about money - I’ve found it’s very important to men where I live, a status symbol for them to have a high-earning partner, so I’m overly sensitive about the whole issue.

You did the right thing to ignore him.

Grabby twat.