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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My husband doesn’t find me attractive...

49 replies

Help00 · 21/06/2020 21:21

I am a healthy girl and have been since my late teens. My husband’s long term ex was really slim. He compared me to her one day. Since that day I have been dieting my ass off with added fuel from the day we got in an argument and he fat shamed me really bad in front of my mother in law. He often talks about how attractive and sexy women look who pass by us when we’re out for a walk or in a film we’re watching together. He thinks a size 8 is really sexy but I’m a size 20/22 now fitting into 14/16. He would make jibes at me and little jokes about being fat in general; indirects. He’s never called me beautiful and meant it or ever truly made me feel that way in fact it’s been the opposite where I wear an outfit and I think I look decent but he’d say the opposite and make me paranoid enough to change. I feel he always finds faults in my appearance from my makeup style to telling me people my size should wear baggy clothes because I don’t have the body to show off in snugger fit clothing. He wasn’t always the muscular build he is now but he doesn’t seem to remember how hard losing weight is and the effects negative comments can have. He’s all about appearance which is why this feels like a big deal to me but my problem here probably is soo petty lol.

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 21/06/2020 21:24

One wonders why he married a large woman when he finds very slim women attractive?
Look, it's good that you're losing weight and for your own health and for no other reason you should aim to get to a healthy weight. However, it's completely unhealthy to lose weight because he shames you or to make him attracted to you.

SerendipityIfOnly · 21/06/2020 21:25

I don't think your problem is petty... Your husband doesn't accept you as who and how you are , that's all we really want in life, isn't it... To be accepted and cherished for who we are ?

Are you dieting and changing your figure for you or your husband?

Dollyrocket · 21/06/2020 21:26

So many things wrong here..

This man sounds completely shallow and disrespectful towards you and women in general.

Why on earth are you with him?

Franticbutterfly · 21/06/2020 21:27

You have got a husband problem first and foremost. I too am just a little bit fat (we quite a lot fat actually) and my husband has never said anything (aside from encouraging me). Your man is a cock, you could do much better.

villamariavintrapp · 21/06/2020 21:35

He doesn't sound very nice. But I'm not clear-when you say you were 'healthy' as a teen do you mean you've since put on a lot of weight? If you look very different to how you did when you met him I could understand that he may not be as attracted to you now..? Obviously doesn't change that he's being unkind and unpleasant.

Scabberdikravern · 21/06/2020 21:38

Wait, were you this size when he married you?

Not that it matters really, the end line is he is a rude prick.

1235kbm · 21/06/2020 21:47

OP he's an abusive POS. His behaviour is absolutely disgusting. Did it start after you were married? I can't imagine why he married someone that was a size 22 if he isn't attracted to them, it sounds like very strange behaviour.

OP he's a bully and he's very disrespectful towards you with no consideration for your feelings.

DianaT1969 · 21/06/2020 21:47

Of all the women in his life he chose to marry you. Why? If he wanted to marry a size 8 why didn't he? Do you have children? Are you thinking of finding someone who likes you and is kind to you?

Oxfordnono12 · 21/06/2020 21:48

Why are you with this person? Really what does he do for you? I'm usually the one to say aww you should work it out. But this would be a deal breaker for me. I'd be gone. You dont need anyone in your life who shames you!

ittakes2 · 21/06/2020 21:49

I am sorry but why are you with him. Best way for you to lose a bit of weight is dump your hubby! Life is hard enough - we need people around us to boast us up...not have someone who is meant to be your life partner tear you down.

BluebellForest836 · 21/06/2020 21:54

Have you ever asked him why he dated you in the first place if he likes a women that is a size 8 and were a 20-22 Confused

VaggieMight · 21/06/2020 21:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

JustC · 21/06/2020 21:57

Jesus hun, why stay with someone who puts you down like that?

GazingAndGrazing · 21/06/2020 22:00

Why in the world are you staying with him??

PrincessHoneysuckle · 21/06/2020 22:04

You could lose many stones if you got rid of him and you wouldn't need to diet.Fuck him off.

SparklingLime · 21/06/2020 22:05

Even if you got to a size 8 he would still criticise and try to undermine you. He’s abusive.

What are the positives for you of being with him?

dimdarkashian · 21/06/2020 22:10

You were a size 22 and now you're a size 14. Congratulations that's a lot of weight you've lost. If he hadn't told you how amazing you've done and how proud of you he is then as PP have said he will continue to abuse you no matter what. You are worth more than that.

dimdarkashian · 21/06/2020 22:11

*hasn't

Craftycorvid · 21/06/2020 22:12

In the words of the immortal Victoria Wood, lose weight and you’ll be ‘hanging around in smaller trousers’ waiting for him to stop being an arsehole. Bin.

Nousernamehistory · 21/06/2020 22:15

Another day, another emotionally abusive wanker.

You deserve better, whatever size you are. You deserve someone who loves you for you, who calls you beautiful and means it, who is attracted to your personality just as much as your looks. Lose the weight and get healthier but do it for you. Congratulations on getting so far.

By the way, you could easily lose around 15ish stubborn, unnecessary stone by packing the fucker's bags and getting rid of him.

firecracker69 · 21/06/2020 22:34

He sounds vile. Please do not allow him to disrespect you in such a disgusting manner. Even better, get rid!

Sunnydayshereatlast · 21/06/2020 22:38

Tell him now he comes to mention attraction.. you have always been attracted to men with a bigger penis with him and you are also settling..

vixxo · 21/06/2020 22:44

Why're you with him? He puts you down.

Sure maybe you could lose some weight but that's not the issue here.

Arrivederla · 21/06/2020 22:44

This isn't petty, op - it's absolutely horrible! How dare he fat shame you in front of his mother? Angry

LemonFanta123 · 21/06/2020 22:44

Drop 15 stone instantly by LTB!!!!

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