Husband wants to move

[MrsCheekyFace]

Hi everyone. I met my husband when we were both living in the city and about a year before we got married we moved to my hometown. I've always been so clear I want to live in my hometown and my intention was always to move home.

About two or three months before we got married he dropped the bombshell he was unhappy here and it's too far away from his friends and family (60 miles) and he wants to move back but still outside of the city (which is also where he works).

I really don't know what to do - I am heartbroken - my whole family are here who are the most important people in my life. We do probably have more friends in the city than here but it's just never where I imagined I would be. I'm scared of moving away but is the only other option leaving him? What do I do? He says he is isolated here but I will be isolated there.

If I was your mum I would be happy to take you in.

:07MrsCheekyFace

I have left and am sleeping in the car for a few nights whilst I get my head together.

I don't understand why you've left?
You've left your marital home?

Do be careful sleeping in a car...it's not safe.

You can't punish him for his feelings and he can't punish you for yours, you need to somehow try and find a compromise or split. Please don't sleep in your car op can't you sleep on the sofa downstairs if you don't want to go to your mums?

This (you sleeping in a car) surely cannot be because of issues around where to live??

Why have you left?! Sleep in the sofa. Or is it not safe?

I don't understand OP you want to live by your family so that you can have their help and support when you have a family of your own, but when you actually need their help and support you're sleeping in your car because they've got enough going on and you don't want to be a burden?
Why have you left your home - did you feel unsafe?

I moved because of my husband. I moved two hours away from family and friends and the life I had built. 6months after we moved he was in love with a woman from work. Never follow a man. Move only if it's something you want too.

This thread is bizarre.
There is either a huge backstory that we aren't aware of or the OP is being incredibly dramatic.
OP I hope you are ok and feel safe to return home. Please don't sleep in your car. If you want some space then go to your mums or a friends.

This is very odd. Why would you choose to leave and live in your car?

Do you feel unsafe with him, or are you trying to emotionally manipulate him into changing his mind?

An hour commute each way will suck the life out of a person. If you live near his work, that is extra time he can spend with your children once you start a family.

One hour is not too far to visit relatives frequently, especially since the roads work both ways.

Please start talking to your family.

What can he do to make friends locally and to create balance? Cycling or walking group? What are his interests?

I'm sure your mum wouldn't want you to sleep in the car.

I can see both sides, I get that it will be easier for you to have support close by. I also get that he has no connections in this place, making new friends as an adult is really hard and I imagine harder in a rural area where most people met their friends at school.

Why are you sleeping in a car? What is going on?
An hour commute each way is completely normal. My commute is longer than that. But if he wants to move back to a city, I think you should consider it. It is not normal to want to have your mum around the corner if you have a child. It’s not normal to rely on her for childcare.

Huh? Is this a wind up? Why would you go to sleep in the car for this?

You are trying to emotionally blackmail your husband into staying near your parents. You want, what you want.
Perhaps he doesn't want, what you want.

Would you be sleeping in the car if it was winter ?

Lots of people don't live near their family or friends. Some live in other countries. Their lives continue

Find somewhere lovely to live half way. He halves his commute and your family are all of 30 minutes away which is nothing. All this drama, it has to be one or the other, is silly. Is he being as obstinate as you, OP?

And if your family are as supportive as you want them to be when you have children why are you not with them rather than sleeping in a car?

You don't want to be in a city, he doesn't want to be where you are now. If you go with one person's wants instead of bith compromising then it'll only breed more resentment.

Why are you in your car ?

Seems like quite an escalation ?

OP,

You shouldn't sleep in your car...it is not safe for a start & also it is not the way to resolve this matter. Can you not sleep in the spare room, the sofa...or go to your Mam's if you must...I'm sure she would rather you were sleeping in her house than in a car. There must be more issues in your marriage than a discussion with your DH about a possible move. I'm sorry OP if that is the case bit if it is not & this is about potentially moving house...sleeping in your car is a massive over reaction imo.

I find it really strange you want your hubby to do a 2hr commute when he is a new dad so your mum can be 5mins away to help you with a new baby.

Don’t know what to suggest. He wants to move to his friends/family and you want to stay where your family is. Are there villages/towns in between? I’m half an hour away from my mum, works nicely that she’s not too near and not too far.