What percentage of men leave NOT for another woman?

[Grobagsforever]

I was talking to a friend recently and we realised that, in our social circles (we both have very wide social circles).

1. Men rarely end relationships
2. We couldn't think of a single example of anyone we knew being left by a man unless there was another woman on the scene. He might not start relationship straight away but she would definitely be in the wings, so to speak.

It surprised us both we couldn't even think of one man between us who'd chosen to be alone.

Pitiful isn't it?

My current partner left his relationship for his kids, there was no other woman. His kids didn't get on with his last partner & were becoming increasingly unhappy. He left because they come first (rightly so). We got together 5 months later. We don't bring either sets of our kids into the mix, although we have all met. We feel this is the best option as a house with 4 teenagers, all at different stages would be a nightmare! My ex husband on the other hand & previous partners have always had another woman lined up before they've left, or actively on Tinder chatting to one.

Men can't be alone. We are always told that women are the ones who are incomplete without a relationship and it's bollocks. Someone will come along with an example they know but at a class level, men cannot be alone.

No one can know. Lots of people, especially on mn, insist there's a woman in the back ground when there isn't.

My mum insists my dad left for someone else. He met his girlfriend 6 months after they split.

My exh insists I left the marriage for my now dp. I didn't. I hadn't even met him until we split up.

No survey on this is ever going to be accurate. Because people won't alway answer honestly.

In my opinion, from people I know, both sexes do this. I know my nest friend is incredibly unhappy in her marriage. I have noticed changes in her behaviour, towards other men. I am predicting that she will wont leave, until she has feelings for someone else. At the moment she is just plodding along. He has been a massive shit in the past. But seems to have woken up in the last year or so and is behaving. But i think its too little too late. My opinion is that if he met someone, he wouldn't leave. He would try and have both.

But looking at my wider circle, both men and women have done this. Both men and women have walked away, with no one.

I do think that, generally, women tend to leave it longer before starting to date. Or at least keep a new relationship quiet for a longer period. Men I know who have left with no one else to go to, generally out their relationships very early or at least make no attem6to be discreet about it.

@Joy69 ah yes that might be a notable exception, the handful of decent men who end relationships that aren't working because of their children.

I did online dating for a while...the number of men still living with their partners..😡

My father did, I knew for certain as I accidentally saw a text whilst playing on his phone. However I dont think it's a gender thing I think it's a type of person thing, people who can't/don't want to be alone. Maybe woman find it easier being single? We tend to have better support networks and talk to them more. I don't know.

My friend. Decided he no longer wanted a family life after a 25 year marriage and with 2 young teenage children, moved out, and has spent the two years since going to work, coming home and browsing the net and gaming till the early hours. At the weekends he never leaves the house. He was supposed to have the children 50/50, but says he is ‘working up to it’. When he does have them, they just game all the time too.

Definitely no one else. I think he thinks relationships are too much like hard work.

@Narrows This is what I hope my dh will be like, once I figure out how to get him to leave. He just doesn't seem to be able to cope with being a husband or father but he's still adamant we're everything to him!

My first husband left me for someone else, definitely, he told me so and they moved in together immediately. We were all happier as a result (eventually).

A friend of mine left his partner because she was violent once. Once was all it took and he was out.

This is all anecdotal but I'm sure many people leave without another person being involved.

I’m sure you will find several examples posted on this thread but I would say in my experience, a very small minority of men leave without someone else waiting in the wings.

I wouldn’t have a clue about percentages but my exh left with no one to go to. However we had been struggling for two years with a difficult family situation and both wanted to separate. Neither of us has a new partner five years on!

I tend to think the ones who leave suddenly or say they have fallen out of love out of the blue are the ones who have someone in the wings.

My ex left before he found another woman. Did me a huge favour!

I think men are often faster to remarry after being widowed as well. Maybe a bit of a practical, convenience thing because sexism and wifework? But plenty of women have exit affairs or speedily into the next relationship too.

My ex is alone but he didn't leave, I fought for years to make him go.
We had the bizarre situation of him still being in the family home whole divorced as he wouldn't go until I had the £ to buy him out. Even when he had his £ he was like "oh I'll go at the weekend".

Bastard.
He's not just single, he has cut off all his family, most of his friends and rarely sees his kids.

Usually there is an OW though .On another thread today OP was devastated that DH didnt love her any more ,and wanted a divorce. Many men find DC and a wife hard to deal with (poor darlings not!) but usually wont leave until there is someone else on the scene .How many men seem to go straight from being married into a new R/L ? Few men seem to be alone for long thats for sure!

Men and women do this. I have a large social circle and close female friends who confide in me, the majority of them have had an affair at some point and some have left the relationship for the OM. When people are unhappy, they look for fulfilment in another person.

As much as MN features the drama of out of the blue ends to relationships, it’s a skewed picture. Not least because a lot of the stuff posted is made up.

Most relationships die boring deaths of apathy. Usually at least one or both people realise it’s ending and calls it before things get messy. Men and women can and are a lot more emotionally intelligent than you would realise from MN.

The rl ones I have seen ending in car crashes weren’t good relationships for a long time. The other man or woman isn’t the cause just the catalyst to put a lot of people out of their misery. IME it is just as often the women who find an exit partner.

I agree with the pp who said the question isn’t going to get a qualified answer. It will just reinforce prejudices. I’m sure you can google data on this issue. It’s about a 1/3 that end because of affairs if I recall.

Among my good friends, three of them have divorced.

In all three cases, infidelity on the part of the man was involved. In two cases I'd say it was the main / only factor, in the third case there were other unrelated issues. None of the women were unfaithful afaik.

However, none of these men then got together with the OW (or only briefly). So I wouldn't say they left 'for' the OW as such.

My relationship was awful, she was constantly angry and critical no matter what I did, had isolated me from almost all my old friends and was working on my family. She was like the energiser bunny when she got going shouting at me and if I answered back it made her angrier and if I didn’t answer it made her angrier. I was becoming twisted into a person I hated before my own eyes. It killed me to think of our daughter growing up in that environment. But it took an EA for me to leave. (Didn’t work out long term, quelle surprise)

I know 3 men that did, all friends of mine.

One because the relationship had died, his partner was devestated despite it having been crap for a few years, that but she had a new DP before my friend did.

The other 2 because the DW was an abusive bitch but they were painted as villians 'abandoning' their young families. One I haven't seen for a while so don't know if he's still single but he was a year after the split, one is still single 5 years on and puts all his energy into work and his DC.

What about men who leave because their wives are cheating? A friend was in this position. He stayed the first time, she’d done such a number on him he thought it was his fault, but the second time he was contacted by the man’s wife about the affair he left. The OM then went back to his wife and friend’s ex has had a string of married lovers in the years since. They have 50/50 care of their child and he didn’t want to leave but realised she wasn’t going to stop shagging around.

My DH left his ex after she hit him. He’d put up with verbal and financial abuse but when it got physical he left.

Interesting. Maybe just my social circle then!

There are only two men I know well enough to know the details of why they left. i.e. to have heard it from them rather than their female partner.

Man 1 - married for 30 years, unhappy for the last 10 at least, stayed until the youngest of 4 daughters left home. Moved into a flat alone where he still lives 3 years on.

Man 2 - discovered wife had cheated. Moved out and has been in a series of short term relationships since but I don't believe any of them were lined up when he left. I can well believe he's a nightmare to live with though.

I dare say both the wives in question have a different version of events.

In my experience, and I've known many divorced men (behave! through work), 0%

Depends what you mean by being on your own . Every one of my divorced female friends has a house full of kids and is in regular contact with their exh. My closest friend admits she still sleeps with hers and she’s just about the most ardent feminist I know. The few guys I’ve been able to speak to about their divorce/separation said that they recognised their marriage was over and left on their own terms, when they were ready and when they had somewhere decent to live. They didn’t see the point of making it more difficult than they needed to. And they are all successful and professional men. None of them have remarried either or have any intentions of.