What percentage of men leave NOT for another woman?

[Grobagsforever]

I was talking to a friend recently and we realised that, in our social circles (we both have very wide social circles).

1. Men rarely end relationships
2. We couldn't think of a single example of anyone we knew being left by a man unless there was another woman on the scene. He might not start relationship straight away but she would definitely be in the wings, so to speak.

It surprised us both we couldn't even think of one man between us who'd chosen to be alone.

Pitiful isn't it?

My XH didn't exactly leave me for another woman, but...

our family situation was difficult, he was younger than me and wanted to go out and 'explore life'. I was restricted by having children to care for, so I couldn't be the carefree person he wanted me to be (although he hadn't been worried about this in the previous 8 years we'd been together!).

He got a crush on another woman. Decided he was in love with her and she liked him, so he would leave me and go to her. This all came as news to her! So he went off into the 'new life' that he felt he deserved (which doesn't appear to have worked out that well, but hey ho).

So it was another woman that precipitated his leaving, but he didn't leave 'for' her. Just decided that if he could fancy another woman, then obviously I wasn't the woman for him...

Not in my social circle. Most of my single female friends (and me) have experienced the following several times: meeting a man, things appear to be progressing then after a few months we get dumped because he doesn’t want a relationship. In 90% of cases the men are still single. So it doesn’t ring true for me that men can’t be alone or only leave when there’s someone else.

Me and DH separated earlier this year, our relationship has just been awful for years. But I think he had legal advice to say don’t move out of the family home so we stayed together for longer. Really it got to the point where we just needed to live apart so we didn’t argue in front of the kids.

Exh left because he wanted something different but waited 6 months before looking for someone else. Not all men are bad

No one can know. Lots of people, especially on mn, insist there's a woman in the back ground when there isn't

My mum insists my dad left for someone else. He met his girlfriend 6 months after they split

My exh insists I left the marriage for my now dp. I didn't. I hadn't even met him until we split up

This. My mum insists my dad left her for another woman - he has been single since he left her! She insisted my step dad had an affair - again, hes been single since he left her!

My ex says i cheated on him with DP. I didn't even know my DP until 6 months after leaving ex!

I think a lot of people have to pretend someone else was on the scene to protect their egos

I know someone who left his wife because she cheated, and he got custody of the children. She wasn't that interested in them sadly. She still saw them, but he was the main parent. He has a girlfriend now, but the kids are adults now.

Another man left his wife because they just weren't suited together.

My partner left his exs when they cheated too. Not for another woman, he just didn't want someone like that.

I think men often emotionally check out of the marriage for whatever reason, so another woman may technically be the catalyst to leave, but the marriage has long been dead for them.

I see a lot more women than men burying their heads in the sand, when its obvious that the relationship has issues.

Reading some threads on MN and the awful way some women are treated, it's very obvious the man doesn't love her or even care for her.

In such cases if he leaves for another woman, it was only a matter of time, because his behaviour shows he has no regard for her.

@blue30

My relationship was awful, she was constantly angry and critical no matter what I did, had isolated me from almost all my old friends and was working on my family. She was like the energiser bunny when she got going shouting at me and if I answered back it made her angrier and if I didn’t answer it made her angrier. I was becoming twisted into a person I hated before my own eyes. It killed me to think of our daughter growing up in that environment. But it took an EA for me to leave. (Didn’t work out long term, quelle surprise)

Sometimes it takes another relationship to realise just how much you’re missing at home. In the past for me that’s been a friendship that made me realise how little I got from my ex. more recently a near-wobble with a potential OM but talked things through with DH and we’re all the stronger for it.

My ex-wife is diagnosed NPD, and being married to her had all the perks and privileges therein.

I left when she cheated. No other woman involved.

I know a few. One had a mental breakdown and left because his psychic told him to. One left after years of a loveless marriage - still single. I don’t think it’s that uncommon. There are so many men that end relationships before they get married because they don’t like the woman sufficiently or they want more time for other things. It’s a bit silly to suggest that grown men can’t be without a woman when so many spend the majority of their youth single or in low commitment relationships.

Even when they say they are not leaving for another woman that is pretty much the only reason. Look at George Osborne. Left his wife then together with his PA (like like an identical younger version as do often the case. Clearly even if no 'affair' before, likely to be EA.

I've never heard of one. Not one.

I split with my wife as she cheated. Not me, and I was on my own after

I’ve also ended relationships since that weren’t working, and happily been on my own

I know other men who can say the same. It’s not at all the cases all men need to have someone “waiting in the wings”

I have no idea of what percentage, but in circle of friends and family I can give specific instances.

A couple we were close with split because she wanted to move abroad for a few years, he wanted to stay in his job/career here.

On of my best friends got married, had a baby, seemed amazing couple but split up within the year. My friend had the house, baby, ..etc.. and wanted a friendship (no more sex). They tried that for a while, but it did not work out. They split up, not on good terms!

One of my work colleagues also split with DH due to his gambling habit. That was awful for her.

However, based on what I read on MN these may be exceptions.

My ex had no idea why he dumped me, he could not give me a reason (even a fake one 🤷‍♀️). He just told me he was leaving one morning after three years and could not articulate why. He then apparently deeply regretted it and repeatedly asked if we could get back together.

We stayed vaguely in contact for around 6 months afterwards for practical reasons (post, various belongings etc.) and no other woman appeared to be in the wings.

Of people I know well.

2 women had affairs, one left for the man and the other just realised her LTR was over.

One friends partner left her as she wanted him to move in, he did but didn’t like it, no third party involved,

My friends wife had an affair and left him.

I think it’s hard for a man to leave his relationship if he has kids
I’m generalising here a lot but typically men earn more and are the ones much more likely to lose access to their children in divorce and come away with lower % of assets
Most won’t do that unless they have met someone who for one reason or another makes them question their marriage and home life

I know on mn that’s not popular as people always say you should leave if not happy before you meet someone but when you potentially have so much to lose it’s hard And most people won’t do that for no reason

My dad didn't leave FOR another woman. He dumped the mistress at the same time he filed for divorce from the wife.

DH and I are in the process of separating (he’s trying to find a suitable rental close by). There isn’t a third party, of that im 120% sure. I think he will really struggle on his own, but we’ve been unintentionally making each other miserable for years.....and he is the one brave enough to end it. He is a seriously high earner, so I could take him to the cleaners, but he knows I won’t. I have a good job and could leave the house with the clothes I’ve got on and start again- it would be hard, but financially doable. Neither of us have any desire to rush into another relationship (I think we may have put each other off relationships for life). We both care very much for each other but we are from very different backgrounds and want to live very differently, and we can’t find common ground that makes us both content. We are both devastated.

From my social circles it looks like men are unlikely to just leave if they're married; likely something to do with divorce laws.
But I have heard of plenty who will just leave their girlfriends and partners without reason - and unfortunately often their DCs.

Imo most. I only know one man who is in the process of doing so. Not a big surprise. When he met his wife, I was quite surprised because she is quite – sorry for being blunt- unspectacular. Very incompatible with his personality. I had heard snippets that he had been unhappy for some time: two young kids (one with autism), no sex-life, and apparently he had problems dealing with her personality. He had wanted to end the relationship with her for a year or two, but his mother has terminal cancer and he didn’t want to upset her since she’s very fond of her dil. Anyhow he met another woman, current wife found out (he was planning to tell her after his mum passed away), and this weekend he’s going to tell his mum.

Lost a lot of respect for him (not that I was overly fond of him before) in how he dealt with the entire situation, cheating is vile. Most I know just want to find themselves, no woman involved.

I'm in my 50s so seen a few marriages break up over the years. In all that time I have never seen a man leave unless there is another woman. Not once. Plenty of them lie, say there isn't, but then a few weeks later they seem to be dating while pretending they just met.

Plenty of them lie, say there isn't, but then a few weeks later they seem to be dating while pretending they just met

Maybe some of them are telling the truth and just started dating straight after they left.

Not everybody is devastated when a relationship ends. Casual dating is a good distraction from the stress of it.

I met Dp 10 days after I left my exh. Through the friend I was staying with (DV involved so me and the kids left the property) Though I didn't start dating him for over a year. Exh still insists I left for my, now, dp.

That’s really tough @Churchonsundays but it sounds like you’re doing the right thing.
Relationships aren’t supposed to be miserable

My ex husband left with the excuse that he was unhappy with our marriage and he needed to "find himself".
All bullshit of course, I found out months later he had a replacement for me long before he left.