Not posted for years, TIA for any kind advice.
I’ve been separated for 18m, and had been dabbling with online dating from Sept ‘19 onwards, not had much luck at all and a couple of rubbish experiences which made me very wary and pretty much gave up by Jan, but went back on a few weeks ago as lockdown was easing just for some conversation, was v lonely. Which almost certainly has a bearing.
I don’t want a younger guy. I’m not sure how this guy came up, I didn’t realise my age parameters were set so low, he superliked me, looked older, has a really interesting job and I had no expectations, so I swiped right.
We hit it off on text immediately. We had a virtual date two days later which was a bewilderingly good hour, and after the initial nerves there was a weird moment where I kind of saw his demeanour shift, like he just went sappy, and I felt it too. Somehow through a phone screen we ended up kind of looking into each others’ eyes as though we were going to kiss. He texted straight after to say that he felt that.
I realise how teenage I’m sounding. I’m 42 and have a serious job. He’s 10 years younger. I seriously considered not meeting up for that reason but decided I should, as no one is ever as good IRL, so at least I’d know and could forget it.
We met up two days after that for an evening walk and sit in a park, we didn’t manage to maintain social distance for long. Don’t judge me.
Lots of kissing. Lots.
He texted me afterwards to say he thought I was amazing, he felt like it was kind of perfect, he kept telling me how amazing I was. I should also say this guy is absolutely not a player type. He’s a bit socially awkward, was obviously very nervous, but something clicked.
We met up again 5 days later, because the world is so weird we decided to have a dinner date at my house, he cooked. It was kind of perfect, I felt so comfortable and trusting, one thing lead to another.
It’s hard to describe how intense the night was, not just physically, but emotionally. It was so warm, I felt so safe, I’m not sure I’ve ever felt like that. I’m usually a good judge of character, my gut told me he wasn’t acting, however he was very capable in bed.
Since then, 11 days ago, his texting has dropped off a lot in affection and frequency, I felt anxious and confused, and ended up texting after 6 days nicely to say bye, I felt he had lost interest.
He reacted surprised and confused, didn’t want me to go, apologised and said he had loads going on, assured me he was not playing games.
He made a bit more effort for a couple of days, but then last few days back it’s back to very sporadic, and I was mentally giving up and moving on, I moved to brief but friendly texts.
Then I got a message yesterday to say he had been dealing with his brother going off the rails, their mum died unexpectedly suddenly a few months ago and his brother is not dealing, and threatening suicide. I was just about to meet a friend when he texted and couldn’t talk, and said I would message when I got home, it was about 10:45pm, about 3.5h after he texted, but he said it was too late and he was going to bed, he seemed possibly a bit angry. I feel a bit bad about that, but I couldn’t talk then, and now he doesn’t want to talk anymore, and I’m left wondering what it all means, and what I do/say. I’ve simply said I’m here if he wants to talk, but he hasn’t replied and there’s a niggling doubt that somehow I’m being used and I don’t know if that’s rational or just based on the fact that in my heart of hearts I don’t believe a 32yo will want a 42yo single mum of three, no matter how smart, good looking and funny (which I sort of am). Sorry this is so long, any advice gratefully received.