Rant Alert! Does anyone have any good tips on any of the following before my head explodes?

[LadySnotAlot]

We have money worries and my husbands overtime has just been cut.

My 16 month old daughter does nothing but scream all day.

My grandmother has decided to re-enter my life after 18 years in the most spectacular fashion by moving home from Australia into a house at the end of my garden.

I have to do a lot for said grandmother.

My Uncle has just been found in Spain living as a tramp (he's an alcoholic that went off the rails) He's now got alcohol induced psychosis and is mentally done for, can barely walk and can't talk properly. We're all being leaned on to get him back to the UK and no one has the funds to spend £8k on a medical helicopter to get him back here.

My marriage has been on dodgy ground for approx 6 months. Mostly due to money worries. I sometimes feel like walking but with two kids in tow it doesn't seem that easy.

I've been offered a full-time PR job but don't want to leave my LO's and childcare is disgustingly expensive for two. I've also been offered evening work at a retirement home so will probably take that.

Sorry everyone, but I just feel fit to either implode or explode or both simultaneously and really need a shoulder or four to cry on.

Really don't know what to say but wanted to bump for you.

Can you list everything and then try and tackle/sort one thing at a time?

Grandmother chose not to be part of your life for most of it so only do what you want.

You cant spend money you dont have on your Uncle - just ignore anyone who leans on you.

Money: CAB do excellent debt counselling and might well be able to help you decide what to do.

Alcoholic uncle: he's not your problem. Sorry to be harsh, but you won't be able to do anything to help him if he does comeback to the UK, unless he's ready to accept help (which sounds unlikely).

What about trying the full time job and using a childminder? That would help maybe with the marriage, money problems and then Granny would have to look to social services/ other family members/ herself for some of what you do. You can always leave if it's awful.
As for the uncle, I have (due to very private experience) not much time for alcoholics and wouldn't be looking to fund his return. But that's just me in my position. Good luck.

PS Screaming 16mth old - find a toddler group/ go swimming/ do something away from the house regularly.

No it's too late to help him. He's deteriorating daily and basically doesn't have very long left.

Marriage anyone? Before I do something I regret, like walk out and leaving him to deal with his screaming kids.

Also has anyone got any tips on going back to work? I don't want to work full-time as I won't get to see kids at all (I know I'm a walking contradiction)

Anyone suffered with money worries and a crumbling relationship and managed to pull through it without too many scars? If so, how?

I went back to work and found myself loving it. Lunch hours especially.

I wish I could say the same. I worked part-time when my eldest was younger. Not a bad job but I really hated being away from him. I just can't bear the thought of chucking them both off in childcare. Especially as my eldest starts school in January and I won't be there to pick him up of drop him off. ( I live in the sticks so to work anywhere is at least an hour commute each way.) My husband already works 6 days a week and I kind of feel like it would be a kick in the teeth for the kids to not see much of either parent.

I feel so torn as the money would be brilliant. Having said that. I can actually work nights earning less money over all per annum but will be better off as I don't have to pay for childcare. It looks like I might be offered a job working evenings at Powergen, yay good ol powergen Which means I get to stay at home with kids.....but doesn't leave much time for marriage.

I think it's just that i feel like so much is going on and generally not being one to talk to people in RL about how I feel. I might just go bang in a minute.

Do something away from caring though - if you work in the retirement home won't you feel like you are just doing the same as you do all day for Granny? Can't you get someone to sort her out a bit?
Money is v important - that's the time dh and I argue.
You need to take control - full time day job is out, so what can you do instead? Think of the choices you do have (sorry to sound a bit hippified). Choose to stay in the marriage or go, and then work out the best way of doing that. BTW, I did survive a crap marriage and awful money worries. Several years on, things are good. 'This too will pass' - can't remember who said that, but it works for me!

man, thats a lot of different issues to carry around.

i ought to give you some constructive advice about breaking things down into maneagable chunks... but im rubbish at that too

i have a book called 'i dont have to make it all better' sounds like you could do with it. havnt actually read it... that would be too clever wouldnt it?

would dh be at all interested in couples counselling of some sort? even for relationships not in any trouble, i really like the idea... my dp's not keen tho and i understand that is pretty common.

You know what - I am generally very anti work as the panacea to all ills - but in your case, I would take the good PR job like a shot. It would do you a lot of good (and your children and your marriage) to get away from grandmother (who ought not to be your responsibility), uncle (who is not your responsibility and don't make him), difficult marriage (if your self-esteem goes up, you will see marriage more clearly) and screaming baby (she's already unhappy, nursery/CM might cure this).

Take that job. It's a great opportunity to pull your life back together and see things more clearly.

YOUR major and only (at this time of your life) priority is your DH and kids.

Granny and uncle will have to wait.

Try the PR job

It'll bring in money get you away from family for a few hours a day.

If you don't like it you can can walk after a day, week, month or year. It'll be you choice.

Try and find the best childcare for your kids even if a little more. It help make things work.

Any chance of renegotiating the job offer to allow a little time with the kids (ie a later start to take them to CM)

Good luck

The books sounds interesting!! Does sound like I need it. My Dad tells me I make myself too available for others to push their woes onto!

Am I mad though for not taking the full-time job? Please make an orderly queue to slap me with a wet fish:

They are going to let me work from home 1 day a week, and have reduced my hours down to 10-4.30 so I can take my son to school. They've also given me an extra £2.5k. AM I MAD, AM I THOUGH, AM I? If I still say no???????

Morethanmum - are you still with your husband, or did you go your separate ways? I don't want to just chuck everything in even though I often feel like it. It seems like we live in such a throw-away society already.....

On those terms and conditions you would be absolutely off your head not to take the PR job .

And your Dad is right. Your only responsibility is to yourself and your immediate family, until you have some extra availability to spread around. But you don't have this at present. Stop caring for others and take care of yourself.

I know. It would be a great job. Trouble is, if i work for powergen. Even though the money is about 7k less than I'd be earning in PR job, it would be evenings and therefore no childcare needed and only working 20 hours a week. With childcare etc I'd only be bringing home an extra £50 a month more and having to work every day and leave kids for the privilege.

I think I've lain awake so many nights churning it round in my head that now I don't know what to do! Perhaps I just have so many other things on my mind that I can't see the wood for the trees....

Bringing home an extra £50 a month in the PR job that is than if I worked at PG and did 20 hours a week!!

Working in the evenings is crap for your family life. You won't see your husband, you'll be TATT. Do something fun and interesting in the day.

I would take the PR job. Your kids will still see enough of you and you will also be able to spend enough time with your husband to give the marriage a chance. You will also have something else to talk to him about rather than kids/ granny/ uncle etc. It also sounds much more fun than the evening job- and you certainly sound like you could do with that! May also help to make your granny rather less dependent on you and give you a bit of freedom chance to be you, not mother/ granddaughter/ wife/ niece.
You can always give it up.
What have you got to lose? If you go on like this without making a change I worry for your mental health: no-one can carry on like you have been doing.
Go on girl, you can do it!

Childcare is much, much better for children than divorce . I know, you think you ought to be taking care of everybody else's needs. But you can't - get your head around that, and prioritise:

• you
• your marriage
• your children

Once all that is sorted, then look after other people. Only if you want to.

take the pr job. does not have to be forever. tell yourself is for 6 months, say, and see how it goes. you might hate it or you might think it's not that bad and dc are happy in childcare and you feel like an individual again. If on the contrary you hate it and it's too much, hey you can leave and try something else. you won't be worse off for that! working evening will be a killer imo. you'll be knackered during the day, less patience for everyone, especially kids and dh and you won't have any quality time for youself and the two of you.
you'll also feel that as you are so busy you won't have time to take care of those who have been busy enjoying themselves without thinking of you.

remember, the shortest path is not always the easiest.

Thanks. I sound like such a mental patient. Can PND re-occur once you think you've got over it!?!?!

I know day job sounds good. I'm just know I'll really miss the children. In particular my youngest who's only 16 months....PR job are going to start me on a contract for 2 days a week with one working from home between now and Jan and then 5 days from Jan...

Truth be known I wish I could just stay at home and enjoy what little time there is left of my baby before she's a big girl and at school. I've decided it's not nice being a Mum. One way or another you always end up feeling torn over something.

ahhh ladySA, take the PR job. give it a shot.

sounds like a no brainer from here (even if the money doesnt pan out that different)

ladySA it's true, whatever you do you do wrong, in your own eyes. I work p/t which leaves me time with DD and a bit of independence and still sometimes I feel it's overwhelming (like today when I got to go home once again because DD was ill - sometimes I feel it's not worth it when I cannot do my job and the house is a mess and I am always in a rush and tired). also sometimes I miss DD and sometimes when I'm home and she's naughty I have no patience I think I'd be a terrible mother if I were at home f/t. it is really a no win situation.

but I had to try 'cos I knew I'd have regretted it if I'd stay home, my confidence would have gone down the pan. I've given my self a few more months, when/if it doesn't work out I'll stop. to stop working it's easier than find a job. so my suggestion is giving it a go for a bit.

you will miss your dc but they'll learn new things and being with other kids will do them good. it is very scary to put them in childcare but it's not that bad once you've found a place you like and you see your kids being happy to go.

good luck.

i have been through alot in the last couple of years, although nothing like your situation, but always remember
'what doesnt kill you makes you stronger'

sorry no advice, but this really helps put things into perspective for me.

Exactly Pippi. I remember it well. Getting the calls from nursery because DS was ill etc. Being tired and still having to cram in all the housework and shopping etc. What's it going to be like now I've two children and a full-time job? I just can't see where it will end. Husband works 6 days a week 12 hours a day as it is. I have to do the gardening and mow the lawn on my own and wash car etc on top of everything else as it is. I just feel like if I take a full-time job I'll explode. We can't afford to get a cleaner or anyone to do ironing so it'll all fall on my shoulders as well.