Friend wants her H out not on tenancy but they are married

[00Sassy]

My friend is married to an absolute twat, frankly.

He flirts with women at work and brings up in arguments that these women fancy him.

She sent him a message telling him there wasn’t enough food in for her and the DC to eat dinner so she’d fed the DC but hadn’t eaten herself (I believe he ‘holds the purse strings’) so he went to the shop on the way home from work and bought food for himself but none for her, when he knew she was stuck at home with DC.

He barely speaks to her and if she speaks to him he’ll often shout at her to shut her up.

Sometimes when she speaks to him he simply ignores her or doesn’t hear her because he’s too busy gaming, something he does from after dinner until the early hours every night.

They never have sex, ever.

If they argue and my friend suggests that he leaves as they’re both not happy he says he will go but he’ll be taking DC with him as she wouldn’t cope without him, something she believes as she suffers from anxiety and I believe he uses that to make her feel like she can’t cope (hard to explain but he twists things)

His family live hours and hours away and he says if he leaves he’ll take DC and go and live with his family and she’ll never see DC again.

His only form of communication inside the house is shouting and arguing, he shouts at DC too.
They’re all so unhappy.

There’s so much more to it but hopefully you get the gist and she wants him out.

They rent and the tenancy is in her name only but they are married.

Does anyone have any idea how she can get him out?

Police will help her get him removed

She and her children are living in fear

I’ve suggested the police.

She told me that after a particularly bad argument, the next day she told him she’d felt like calling the police.
He told her they’d have just taken him to calm down and let him come back. Then said ‘that’s if they didn’t take you because it was your fault anyway’

He seems to think he has a legal right to be there because they’re married.

He does have legal rights because they're married.

I’m no expert but I think that would only apply to a home they owned.

I would have thought a tenancy was different and if you’re not on it, you’re not on it. But maybe she should seek some legal advice on this.

I also think the police would be a good call!

She needs to get some advice from domestic abuse services/Women's Aid, as she is being emotionally and financially abused.

She should look for legal advice from the Rights of Women.

She can potentially get a prohibited steps order to prevent him from taking the dc to live out of the area, as that's her biggest fear. And there are legal ways to force him out of the house.

She needs to get ahead of him, basically.

If you live with your ex-partner and the relationship ends, you’ll usually have the right to stay in the home if you’re:

married or in a civil partnership
named on the title deeds or tenancy agreement

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/if-you-were-living-together/your-ex-partner-is-trying-to-make-you-leave/

(It doesn't need to be both married and on the tenancy to have a right to stay. One will do.)

It's the marital home and he has the right to live there. She would need to go to court for an occupation order to have him removed.
However is that the actual issue? Isn't it more that he threatens to take the children?

As a landlord my agreement is with her and not him although if they're married I wonder why he's not on the tenancy? Is she claiming benefits as a single mum and lying about him living there?

I honestly don’t think he gives enough of a shit about their child to actually take her with him anywhere.

I think he just uses that threat to get her to shut up.

Anything to get her to shut up.

I suspect he has nowhere else to go besides family far away and realises that there would be huge upheaval to his life if he had to leave.

Such a shame, she signed the tenancy 4 years before they got married so it was her house then.

I’ll see if I can talk her into speaking to someone about her rights and about the abuse.

Thanks all.

Legally he has a right to stay nonetheless, theredhen1.

@theredhen1 it’s a housing association property.
She had the tenancy before they married (they always lived together though)

He’s named as resident there but he isn’t a joint tenant.
The tenancy is in her name only.

She could go to her housing officer/neighbourhood manager for advice - most HAs will do their utmost to help.

Does she recognise that she's experiencing abuse?

And she claims no benefits.
They’re entitled to tax credits and child benefit.
Guess who they’re paid to?

Honestly, she could just get the locks changed when he goes out (or leave a key in every lock, and his clothes in bin bags on the front step). He sounds horrible and a bully , and she absolutely does not have to put up with it.

@category12 I think she realises it’s abuse but is too scared to do anything about it.

It makes me so so angry.

She messaged me tonight as he’s lost his temper over some housework and said she wants him out so I really want to help her.

Thank you for your suggestions, I’ll share them with her and hopefully she’ll see there’s a way out.

As you say, she needs to get ahead of him but as you can imagine, to her this will seem almost impossible.

Does your friend have any family or other friends nearby?

She can get him removed if she's in fear and ready to call the police?

It would help her if she had that sort of paper trail of intervention.

she needs to speak to someone about getting him out, i know that with a council house where i am i have no right to the house if im not on the tenancy.
she could make a universal credit claim for a single person if she can prove they have split even if he still lives there. join universal credit essentials and ask them what proof is required.
the minute she makes the application payments from tax credits should stop but sometimes its not done quick enough so can cause an overpayment.
www.facebook.com/groups/UCEssentials/

Agree with others, when he kicks off call the police, she should report any incident and start gathering evidence.

Doesnt she have any family that could come down to support in asking him to leave?

She needs to contact HMRC to ask them to pay her for the Tax Credits and Child Benefit. The claim would have had to be a joint one so she is entitled to change the bank account it is paid into.

Would you be able to drive her to her family? If so, get her to give notice on the tenancy and keep it secret. Then, when he is out for the day - help her pack up all her stuff and drive her there with the child. This is abusive. She can use the notice period to contact a solicitor and make sure they get some financial information about him such that the divorce papers drop after she leaves.

Look on the women’s aid website and see if there’s anything there.

I’d phone them when he’s out if I were her.

If it takes the police to deal with his domestic abuse so be it. He deserves what he gets. It’s abuse to leave her hungry and mentally abuse her.

She needs to get out if this so called relationship ASAP. She should ask the HA for advice if women’s aid can’t tell her what they should do but I’m sure they will know as women’s aid are experts.

If I have any spare cash on payday I’m going to make a donation to them as I’m always recommending them and have never donated!

@funnylittlefloozie yes her family home is nearby, only her DF and DB living there now but DF is seriously ill.

Ideally she would like to stay in the home she’s in.
It’s his fault he’s an abusive bastard and he should be the one who has to go.

They’re not well off at all but she stands to inherit well from a particular family member probably fairly soon.

Their wedding was a tiny registry office thing too and he treated her like shit even then.

It’s obvious to me why he was marrying her.
I’m sure he bullied her into it too, knowing how vile he is.

I'd advise her to stay put and try to get him out, as she's in a HA home, definitely not give notice. I'm sure her housing officer would be able to advise her. She needs to reach out - there is support she can get.