Friend found husband’s texts to OW

[Smillar2020]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3930611-Husband-sending-beyond-flirty-texts-to-ex

This is the thread I started last week. More developments over the last week on this. Grateful for all of your input.

Friend’s H still texting OW. Borderline explicit messages about sex and how jealous he is of OW being single. He told OW his sex life is non existent and he wants to do all sorts to OW. She has responded very flirtatious but Still said she wouldn’t sleep with a married man. She also said married men don’t leave their wives. He said well you never know. OW didn’t respond, no further texts for a couple of days.

This has gone too far now no? I’m trying to get friend to print everything off to confront him.

Why bother confronting him? She already knows the truth. Time to bin him off.

He is a fucking arsehole but she has to make the decision on how to deal with it

She wants to bin him right? Why would anyone want to be with somebody who did this! I’d see a solicitor and get him served with divorce papers. Shock him.

She doesn’t know what she wants to do. She doesn’t want to believe it’s anything more than an out of hand flirty joke to try and impress or woo this OW into having sex with him.

Even if it is that then she should get rid of him! So disrespectful!

Before she does anything I'd be telling my friend to get hold of all financial document, passports etc and ensure she's got access to bank accounts and pension details. Get her ducks in order.

To me I couldn't forgive this, even if he had no intension of doing anything, he's shown massive disrespect to his wife. He also lying and deceiving her, doing things he knows are very wrong. It all stinks tbh

Out of hand joke or not if I was his wife I wouldn’t find it in the least bit funny at all whatsoever.

He’s saying a lot of things to this woman whilst he has a wife and in my book, it’s cheating. He wants to fuck her brains out so I say tel her to pack his shit and let him fulfil his fantasy!

I can understand she’s confused and hurt at the minute but would she really want to stay with a man who can be so easily lead astray? She needs to put him in the bin where he belongs and have done with it.

I wouldn’t even be able to sit in the same room as him after knowing he wants to do x y and z to another woman, I’d be screaming for him to get the fuck out of my house

It also says to me he may have form for it as he isn’t finding it difficult to stick the graft on this woman.

Him and the OW used to be fuck buddies before him and wife got together. Don’t think they were ever serious but they definitely had a year long or more fling. Maybe he still has feelings for this OW and it’s not just a joke getting out of hand.

Maybe he has feelings,maybe not...it’s your friends issue so just be there for her...sounds like she will need you in time...when her relationship ends.

Maybe he still has feelings for this OW and it’s not just a joke getting out of hand

Well it's 100% not a joke that's getting out of hand and I don't know why anyone would think that!

flirty joke to try and impress or woo this OW into having sex with him

Why would this be acceptable to her?? If the OW were interested, he'd have acted on it by now. Tbh, that she has told him quite clearly she will not sleep with a married man and he still pursues it shows that he is being incredibly disrespectful to both women. Even her comment aboutarried men not leaving their wives sounds more like she is holding a mirror up to his shit behaviour rather than looking for reassurances of how he feels about her.

Of course it's not a joke that's getting out of hand! He's an adult. He's not a silly teenager who isn't aware of how this is coming across!

I have a male friend who sometimes jokes with me that if he and his wife ever split up... but that's it. No sexual comments, no flirting, nothing. His wife knows he says it. He loves his wife and only ever speaks highly and positively about her. It's clear to everyone that he loves her very deeply.

It might not be for everyone but it doesn't impact on their relationahip. That is just a joke.

The second he started criticising his wife, talking sexually, and the fact they were fuckbuddies before he and his wife married? I'm telling you now, none of that is in joking territory!

Why is she not angry? Where are her boundaries and self respect?

But, I agree, ita your friend's issue and not yours.

The OW is definitely interested in him but said she wouldn’t act on anything unless he was single. She is still engaging with sexy chat, although not since she said married men don’t leave their wives and he said you never know. I guess my friend is just so confused as she thought everything was good between them, even if sex had dried up over the last couple of years. She said he has never shown signs of unfaithful behaviour before and now this OW seems to have his full attention. That’s why she wonders if he has feelings rather than just inappropriate sexually charged banter.

Your friend is married, her DH is having inappropriate communication with an old GF, your friend and you need to stop trying to work it out- she needs to confront him

Bollocks he has never done this before

She already knows he’s a cheating bastard. No need for a confrontation. She should just end it.

She said she swears he’s never given any indication of cheating. This is the first time in their lives together that she’s been suspicious (always on his phone late at night, laughing to himself etc). She checked his fb the other day and he’s never towed the line with anyone. Same with his phone, nothing to any other women. Only this woman.

Whether he's cheated before or not he's cheating now. How can she be ok with him saying he wants to do all sorts of stuff to this other woman? It's not banter it's cheating.

FFS why is she letting him get away with it?

Why did you start a new thread ? Now people are commenting on two !

She needs to bin him. There would be way too much distrust for me now. FWIW OP I think this is your husband and you really don't want to believe it :(

She should just talk to him. They clearly have a lot of issues and the fact they haven’t had sex for 2 years is significant.

it’s anything more than an out of hand flirty joke to try and impress or woo this OW into having sex with him.

Well that’s okay then, conundrum solved.

Your friend knows what she needs to do, but she is scared to do it.

Once she opens the can of worms, everything will change.

I said last time......

Print out all messages.

Have a chat to DH and ask him where he sees their marriage going

Plonk the messages on the table and ask where he sees the OW featuring in their lives

Watch him squirm

Add the words I want a divorce (well I would anyway)

Your friend knows exactly what to do. But she'd rather cling on to this fake happy marriage bubble that bursted a long time ago. Doesn't matter what you tell her. She will pretend all is fine or that It is a forgiving kinda thing. Some people love to burry their head in the sand.

it’s anything more than an out of hand flirty joke to try and impress or woo this OW into having sex with him

And that would be okay because...?

Seriously your friend needs to bin him off if she has any respect for herself.

Sounds like your friend doesn't want to kick out her 'D'H because she knows he will instantly run to OW and start having fabulous sex constantly.

So she's really playing dog in the manger.

He's a tosser but she doesn't want someone else to have him.