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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He's still sort of seeing his baby's mum?

50 replies

Lifeistrbl · 15/06/2020 10:31

I met this guy at work at the start of the year. He spoke all the time about his baby that was due in April. He said he wasn't with the babies mum and they were just friends. Me and him hit it off and we started seeing each other.

Fast forward to lockdown he went to stay with her. She must of seen some messages between us and sent me a message asking what was going on between us. She told me had brought her expensive jewellery, they spent valentines together, he had sent her roses for Valentines. They had been sleeping together. She said she found him texting even other girls when she found out about me. I met up with him and he had pictures of them as a family all together. He did show me messages where he told her he didn't want to be with her but then I saw him questioning her about other men? What is he playing at? I know people say leave it because so much drama but we're quite casual right now. I just enjoy his company I just feel uncomfortable for her kind of involving me? Like me and him are separate. I just don't know what to say to her, should I just leave it all

OP posts:

category12 · 15/06/2020 10:39

So you're OK with sharing him? It doesn't sound like she is. I hope you're using condoms.

If it's all casual etc, then shouldn't be a problem just walking away from it. Why wouldn't you? It's just going to blow up in your face and if you do catch feelings you're going to be seriously unhappy.

Walk away, casually.

ComtesseDeSpair · 15/06/2020 10:50

Whether or not your relationship is casual, he’s being duplicitous with his ex. Walk away. If you’re only looking for a casual relationship that’s fine, but neither you nor his ex need or deserve somebody who isn’t giving either of you a straight story.

AdaColeman · 15/06/2020 10:51

Walk away now.

It is far too messy and uncertain for you to put any emotional commitment into this. The guy is clearly a player, and also has a tiny baby.
The early days of a relationship are meant to carefree and full of fun, not full of soul searching and doubt like this.

LouHotel · 15/06/2020 11:09

Even if he’s open about it, Do you really need this even for just a quick shag?

For something casual it’s already massively complicated and without trying to be mean if I was your co worker and I knew you were sleeping with someone who has a girlfriend with a newborn I would think you were both trash.

She is most definitely his girlfriend and you need to find your self respect even if she can’t.

LouLouLoo · 15/06/2020 11:16

I can guarantee you this man will not bring you happiness. Even if they’re technically not together, they are obviously both invested in who the other is seeing.

If he’s still sleeping with her as well then there will never be any trust between you.

Move on, find something less messy!

kazzer2867 · 15/06/2020 11:17

So he has a partner and a child and you're ok with him cheating on her. I'm not quite sure what you expect us to say or why you are posting. Let's hope you don't ever find yourself in his partners position. What you need to think about is if you ever get serious with this person, is that he finds it easy to lie and he could just as easily lie about you to another woman. Look how casually he wrote off the mother of his child. Whatever happened with solidarity amongst women. It may be casual to you (which I doubt, or you wouldn't be posting here), but it obviously is not casual to his partner or him.

For something casual it’s already massively complicated and without trying to be mean if I was your co worker and I knew you were sleeping with someone who has a girlfriend with a newborn I would think you were both trash.

^^This

Aussiebean · 15/06/2020 11:17

Why would you want to be involved with all this drama (one including a child) if you are just casual?

Why come on here and ask? If you are just casual, why aren’t you just walking away and finding someone else to be just casual with?

hellsbellsmelons · 15/06/2020 11:18

I'm assuming he has diamond encrusted, gold plated cock!????
Why would you even bother otherwise?
Re-read your OP.
What would tell a friend?
Value yourself more than this.
And get an STD check, quick sharp!

Bobbiepin · 15/06/2020 11:20

You're annoyed at HER for involving you? Really?

He involved you. Be mad at him, and then walk away. He has a woman hanging off him who has just had a baby and is clearly vulnerable (can you imagine being on your own with a newborn during lockdown?) Plus however many other potential women.

Find yourself another casual relationship, after lockdown please and get yourself an STI test soon.

PicsInRed · 15/06/2020 11:24

If he'll do that to the mother of this baby, he'll do it to you and any baby you had with him. He's trash and you/your child wont be the special one to change that. Just pity this woman and thank your lucky stars you aren't in her shoes.

Dump, block, recover.

hm246 · 15/06/2020 11:24

Casual or not why would you even want to be involved in this! He’s a liar. I just don’t understand how you could find someone like this attractive.

IsMiseMorag · 15/06/2020 11:25

Fast forward to lockdown he went to stay with her.

Did he, though? Or did he never leave her in the first place?

beelola · 15/06/2020 11:27

Gross. Why would you even bother continuing with it?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/06/2020 11:28

Um... he is in a relationship with this woman and stringing you along. Wake up and dump him.

Gazelda · 15/06/2020 11:30

Is he honest?
Is he loyal to the women he's with?
Does he respect women?
Does he treat you as though you're no1 (after his child, obvs)?
Do you ever worry about infections while having sex?
Have you met his family/friends?
Could you face your work colleagues knowing about the relationship?
Would your parents worry about you if they knew?

SebandAlice · 15/06/2020 11:31

Is your bar set that low? He is treating the mother of his child abysmally and you want to continue to see him. Ugh!

Whatsnewpussyhat · 15/06/2020 11:32

He spent lockdown with his new baby. Great.
The rest shows he's an arsehole. Get some self respect and tell him to fuck off.

backseatcookers · 15/06/2020 11:33

You do realise even for a casual thing or FWB you don't have to set the bar this low right?! Like you can want someone in your life you just shag or casually but still not want that someone to be such an absolute wanker...

JabbaTheHuut · 15/06/2020 11:34

Wow hes clearly having his cake and eating it! Getting to be daddy with his family and nobbing you (and others by the sounds of it) on the side. Wont commit to anyone here as hes having the life of riley! I feel sorry for his babys mum in all this. What a difficult time it must be to have a baby as a single parent and then having him keep waltzing in and out of your life when it suits him. For your own self respect, kick him to the curb 👎

Ohdearfindingthisboringnow · 15/06/2020 11:50

You ask what is he playing at?

I thought that was obvious. He is with his child's mother but likes to have sex and fun with you as well and sounds like he also likes texting other women. Cake and eat it springs to mine. You sound like a bit of the side. He chose to move in with baby and real partner.

Both his partner and you put up with his behaviour so why should he change?

AnyFucker · 15/06/2020 11:55

What is he playing at ?

He is living with his partner and baby whilst fucking you on the side.

What more did you need to know ?

needhandhold · 15/06/2020 12:02

You’re ok with him having (possibly) unprotected sex with lots of girls at the same time as you? Maybe have more self respect? Pretty sad story. His poor kid. Don’t you actually want a decent life? This guy can’t give you that. He’s sloppy seconds (thirds and fourths). Enjoy explaining that to your own kids if you ever have them. You’d better get yourself down the STD clinic too. Classy.

Windyatthebeach · 15/06/2020 12:04

Have more self respect op..
Block him today.

SionnachGlic · 15/06/2020 12:09

**You're annoyed at HER for involving you? Really?

Find yourself another casual relationship, after lockdown please and get yourself an STI test soon.

^ This... He is involving you. His poor GF (not Ex) is just trying to find out what lies he is spinning her...

He is cheating on her. Get rid of him.

ChristmasFluff · 15/06/2020 12:18

Everyone has said what I would say already. I'm fine with seeing people casually who are seeing other people and everyone knows where they stand. But seeing a low-life scum who lies and fucks with people's heads? No, I don't want that in my life in any way, shape or form.

BTW, he'll have shown you the messages saying he doesn't want to be with her, but he won't have shown you the messages begging her to take him back. He'll have deleted those.

You've said you are casual 'right now'. Don't thinkyou are special. Don't think that if you were ever to beocme his girlfriend he would treat you any different to her.

But you never will be his girlfriend, because you have accepted 'casual' Men like him don't upgrade their prey. You will watch as, even if he leaves this poor woman he's procreated with, he'll go on to make some other woman his girlfriend. Not you. You are for 'on the side' .

Unless you have the ounce of self-respect needed to end this and get well clear of him ASAP.

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