Hi all.
I need advice here. I’m late twenties and so is my sister. Since we were young she would always tell me I’m selfish, unreliable and pathetic whenever we argued about anything and she has always maintained that same narrative. Whenever I have ever stuck up for myself and not backed down, she would always hit me/throw objects at me and intimidate me. Because of this even in adult life I feel like I’m scared of actually standing my ground with her and whenever I do the same things get said to me and she will get physical still even though we aren’t kids anymore. Today we had a disagreement over something really minor and she started saying the usual things that I’m selfish etc (despite when she’s in a good mood she always tells me how thankful she is to have me and she knows she can rely on me), and because I challenged her on it she launched the bowl of cheese she was grating at me which hit me in the back pretty hard and she pushed over the pot of boiling potato’s on the stove and stormed out of the house.
Now I always end up downplaying this thinking this is normal because we are sisters etc but actually I am really questioning whether it’s okay to get physical like this? We are both adults and have children who thankfully weren’t here when it happened. I never ever retaliate physically and she knows I won’t. Is this normal or toxic? I’m shaking and really fucking upset. I always feel like it’s my fault she’s done this because I must wind her up so much but surely I am allowed to voice my own feelings?!