How do I start to move forward?

[TheTroubleWIthMe]

He wanted to stay friends. I've been there for him with his issues. I really needed someone last night and he just turned his back on me.

I feel so lonely. I've sent him lengthy texts and his responses are blunt and short. He can't be direct about it being over.

He was due to call this weekend after having time to think about how he wants to move forward and now that's all off because I can't leave things alone. I just wanted half an hour of his time to talk about some issues I'm having to try and calm my anxieties. I don't really have anyone else.

I've gone from feeling lonely to suicidal. I've got a whole weekend ahead with my 3yo DD and I just don't know how I'm going to get through it.

I've got no one else in RL. I go from blocking him and then end up unblocking him. I can't face deleting his number.

I know it's not right, I need to move on. The relationship was him being abusive to me and now I'm the abusive one.

I can't live with how horrible I am.

Whoa. Take a breath. If you're feeling so dark then please get real life support. Ring samaritans and talk to someone.

You're not horrible. If he was abusive to you then he has conditioned you to feel this way. Flipping it so the other person if framed as abuser is not uncommon.

Try to keep talking. Don't make any decisions. Just breathe.

Anxiety can come from uncertainty. There's so much of that just now without anyone playing with your head. Get some space for him. Focus on you. But please please ring someone if you are feeling so low. Xx

OP, I think it would be a great idea to contact your GP surgery for an emergency appointment or dial 111 and get an assessment. You need immediate help.

You can contact Saneline from 4.30pm to 10.30pm on 0300 304 7000 on any day of the year.

The Samaritans: 116 123 they are open 24/7

You've been through an abusive relationship OP and you are feeling very down. What you are experiencing is called Trauma Bonding, it's like a drug which is why you are finding it so hard to let go.

You do need to block and delete his number and you need to stay away from him.

Instead of phoning him contact the Samaritans as many times as you need to get you through this.

Also check to see what mental health support is available in your area. For example, where I live they have a 24/7 emergency mental health line staffed by mental health professionals. You can do a search for your area and see what's available.

There is more information here.

@TheTroubleWIthMe we're so sorry to hear you're going through this - we really feel for you, especially right now when everything is so much harder anyway.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Best of luck, OP. We hope brighter days are ahead.

You need to build up your friend group and rely less on him. Reach out to someone you used to be close to, just 'I was thinking of you with all the COVID issues, how are you coping?' That would take your mind off your own troubles and make you feel better

He's a twat.

I don't really have anyone else.

That's not healthy for you and a lot of responsibility for him to feel/have (he's still a twat tho.) Please find a wider support system, even if it's just online etc, support groups, professionals.

I've gone from feeling lonely to suicidal.

Please speak to your GP, even when you stop feeling suicidal. They can help you to be able to weather storms more easily.

Seek professional help for the issues that are on your mind.

BTW, put him in the block bin.