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Original poster

is 35 too old to have a wedding

37 replies

Smile23 · 10/06/2020 23:30

Hi all, just after a bit of advise/feedback.
I’m now 34 and will be turning 35 next year. For as long as I can remember it has always been a big hope of mine to find the right man and get married/start a family. All through my 20s I tried and never met the right guy for me or my mindset was not in the right place. As I began to give up on this hope I finally met a great guy and we are hoping to get married next year (I would have just turned 35). Whilst I am grateful for finding him, I’m also feeling anxious that this is too late, I may be too old to have children and also feel silly having a big Indian wedding at my age. Especially as I’ve lost touch with so many friends as you naturally do when you get older so it would be a lot different to all the weddings of friends I attended in my 20s
I’m also considering convincing my partner to get married earlier in November instead as then I’ll be 34 and somehow that feels younger lol than being a 35 year old bride.

OP posts:
Giraffey1 · 10/06/2020 23:36

Don’t be ridiculous, you can get married and have a wedding at any age!

Inadays · 10/06/2020 23:42

I had my first child at 40, then met my DH when I was 51, and married him one week before my 54th birthday! It’s never too late! Hope you have a marvellous wedding day Smile.

Holothane · 10/06/2020 23:42

You enjoy your wedding my 2nd at 41 was in a church I had a princess dress big bouquet and loved it.

Thisismytimetoshine · 10/06/2020 23:44

Are you serious? Calm the fuck down, you are not too old for either a wedding or children 😂
Enjoy your lives together and stop stressing 🍾🍾🍾

PumpkinP · 10/06/2020 23:46

Gosh this site makes me feel so old at 31. Why on earth would 35 be too old for a wedding Confused

PickAChew · 10/06/2020 23:46

Course not. If you're not feeling too old and jaded by the rigmarole, you're not too old, full stop.

RaininSummer · 10/06/2020 23:48

You have whatever kind of wedding you want. If course you aren't too old.

Cuntycovid · 10/06/2020 23:49

I got married and had my first child at 35 after being told I couldn't conceive last year
It was hands down the best year of my life it never entered my head that I was too old I just remember how happy I was meeting my daughter for the first time and marrying my husband

Cheesypea · 10/06/2020 23:50

Go for it op. Can you get married soon, you couldn't possibly have a big wedding because you dont know what the rules will be.

FruitPastillesaregood · 10/06/2020 23:51

Of course it’s not too old! My sister got married at 38.

CrazyDaysAndMondays10 · 10/06/2020 23:54

First of all congratulations!!! and 35 is bride age , its even flowers and lace and,/or whatever dress your heart's desires age!

Honestly , you are absolutely fine to indulge in anything bridal that you fancy , you're going to be 35!!! It's young !!!

I hope it goes beautifully

GrumpyHoonMain · 10/06/2020 23:55

If you’re unsure of a big fat Indian wedding then do it asap this year as it will be a smaller, more controlled, wedding than you might otherwise get. If you want lowkey then maybe do a temple wedding? Their charge(s) usually include distribution of food within the local community.

JustKittenAround · 11/06/2020 00:05

Nope. It is not.

I am 38 and planning my wedding which will be VERY small, but only because I was married once before and had this big huge waste of money wedding. (So now I just want a very small thing)

Oh... and I’m going to wear white! Grin

GilbertMarkham · 11/06/2020 00:16

Ask Megan Wink.

Seriously, are all your relatives and friends the sort who got married and had kids in their twenties or something; I can't understand why you'd even begin to think like that.

And it appears you've also fallen for the 35 fertith cliff theory (based on eighteenth century French parish records) and some misunderstanding of fertility ... For what feels like the 200th time I e written it on this site, NHS fertility web page states that 90% of women under 40 will conceive within two years of trying.

The less close to 40 you are, the more likely it is that it won't take 2 yrs.

If you are v worried, or your mum had v early menopause; get a fertility check, not perfect but better than nothing.

Or be dishonest and tell gp you've been trying for over a year with no success and they'll refer you for checks. First one will be on your fiance's sperm, because it's easier to exclude the man from issues.

GilbertMarkham · 11/06/2020 00:17

Anyway I'll send you a saga magazine and some comfortable slippers - since you clearly think you're 80.

AllNewThings · 11/06/2020 00:19

No age is too old to have a wedding!

pallisers · 11/06/2020 00:35

The two best weddings I have ever been to were:

  1. Close friend age 40 marrying a 39 year old. Big lovely sophisticated wedding in NYC (they both lived there) with singers/bands/dancing/fab food- utterly over the top and brilliant
  1. BIL aged 43 marrying for the second time a woman aged 42. Outdoor wedding, croquet on the lawn, wonderful dinner, square dancing afterwards.

But I have also been to loads of other lovely wedding of 30 somethings. Seriously, why would this even be a consideration?

I had my first child at 32, the second at 36 and the third at 37 - no problems.

Runkle · 11/06/2020 01:02

Don't be daft.

Pipandmum · 11/06/2020 01:07

I had my big fancy black tie wedding at 40. I then had two kids at 41 and 43. It was fab.

SnagAndChips · 11/06/2020 02:15

I had a full on wedding with bouffy dress at 38. Child just over a year later.

Go for it- who cares what randoms think?

Aclh13 · 11/06/2020 02:23

It's a reasonable age, if I were attending that wedding I would be more inclined to think it would last longer than in your 20's, I wouldnt worry do whatever you want.

EmperorCovidula · 11/06/2020 02:26

I’m pretty sure I’ve only been to one wedding where both parties were under 35. I wouldn’t worry about it.

katscamel · 11/06/2020 05:56

I'm guessing your worries are more to do with your culture where traditionally women are expected to marry younger. I'm sure you've faced all sorts of pressure from well meaning relatives on the need to marry and have children and this has led to the feelings you now have.
Have the wedding you want, the current situation could be a great excuse for not having a big Indian wedding if you don't want one or wait until next year and go for something bigger. Being 34 or 35... shouldn't make a difference.

Desertserges · 11/06/2020 06:06

Whatever patriarchal bullshit you’ve been fed about blushing brides having to be 22, demure and girlish, just recognise it for prescriptive nonsense and do what you want. I married at 39 in jeans with no guests, because that was what we both wanted — if we’d wanted hundreds, a white frock and an almighty party, we’d have done that.

Molocosh · 11/06/2020 06:19

I had my wedding at 36. I wanted a register office wedding for two but DH insisted on having a proper big wedding. I cried for months, we argued because I kept asking to cancel it, and it was the worst day of my life. I wasn’t young and slim any more, I didn’t want to buy a wedding dress bigger than size 10 or see photos of myself, and many of the important people I wanted to attend were dead by that point. I won’t have any photos of my wedding on display, I just want to forget about it. YANBU for not wanting a wedding OP, don’t let anyone bully you into it.