Anyone else destined to be alone for the rest of their lives?

[Springisintheair2]

Anyone else feel like they're doomed to be alone forever? Have never had anyone be in love with me, I don't know what that feels like. Once thought I'd met 'the one' and everything was going well and suddenly he moved quite far away and we didn't really speak after that. Bit embarrassed to admit I'm just very lonely, can't remember the last time I had a hug or another adult to talk to.

Well I am going to say a big fat no. I dont mind being alone and would rather be alone than with the wrong person. On the other hand it seems both defeatist and pessimistic to think I will likely be alone forever...a bit poor me!

I have also resigned myself to being alone for the rest of my life. My children are all adults now, two failed marriages behind me. Unexpectedly met someone who I loved unconditionally (first time ever) nearly three years ago but it didn't work out. Don't want anyone else, nobody could compare. So it's a life alone from now on and that's fine. I miss the cuddles the most.

Yes. I own my own home and nobody is going to take it off me. Who needs to humiliate themselves looking for some bloke to “fulfill” them when we know they are all selfish tossers! The worst bit is the pressure from society because people are scared of women being independent. Another bloke after the nightmare of my marriage? No thank you.

I'm with DandyMandy
I'm very happy single and it will certainly take someone extraordinary to make me give that up!

I really relate to this. I wanted marriage, kids the whole lot but I’ve never had anyone say they love me, or that they want a relationship with me and, embarrassingly, I’m a 36 year old virgin. Turning 35 was a big deal for me. I think for the first time I realised that it was unlikely to happen at all for me. I’ve been very depressed through it all and feel very rejected. My Dad and much older brother never really liked me much and I was bullied by the boys at school quite horrifically. Men have just not been all that kind, respectful or loving to me throughout my life. I get that I could probably easily find someone to have a one night stand with and then at least I’d have sex but I want a sexual relationship that’s based in mutual respect, mutual love and admiration. Which for me seems to be too big an ask.

I’ve had one relationship (the way so see it) but he always rejected sex with me, refused to say I love you or commit and wanted to see other people and have an open relationship. I met him at 29 and it ended by 31 and although I was in love with him he was cruel and abusive emotionally to me.

So there’s my whole shameful sorry past laid out. I wish it were different but it is just like I was destined to be alone.

I have very high standards for myself in terms of how I wish to be treated and the sort of person I would be in a relationship with. I have a primary school aged child so I am aware that who I do choose to be with, if anyone, will impact on her also.

Good for you OP. That's exactly how it should be too. Do not settle for some second-rate scumbag to ease loneliness. If you end up in a bad relationship you end up feeling lonelier than when you are on your own.

I am now mid 40s and finally have come to terms with the fact that I am better on my own. I am stronger. I am more outgoing. I get more done. I was bullied at school for not being pretty (amongst other reasons) and always felt if I could get a boyfriend I could prove I was worth something. I had various boyfriends over the years starting in university but I still somehow felt I had to have a long successful relationship and get married to be worth something in society's eyes and to prove I wasn't that ugly 13 year old anymore.

It's all utter bullshit. Yeah I've had partners. I'm not that attractive but I still manage to attract men. I've had some fun times with men but I've also had to deal with some horrible people. The last one in particular was awful and he did a number on my self-esteem so that I couldn't manage to shake him off despite all his hideous behaviour - alcohol problems, refusing to make time for me, expecting me to be his domestic slave, him using prostitutes and saying that everyone does it (I'm in another country where prostitute use is more "accepted" than in the UK), plus all kinds of low-level behaviours which brought me to my lowest point ever. His family were horrendous with me because I was older than him and a foreigner. They verbally abused me constantly.

I am 18 months out of this relationship now. He has now moved on to a woman who is 22 years older than him and he'll be treating her the same way - I can guarantee it.
I feel so much better now. I do get a bit lonely sometimes - that's true - and with the Corona situation it's been quite hard because all the activities I normally go to have been cancelled. But my life is still better. I have my own property (mortgage-free). I work hard enough to earn enough to have a simple lifestyle but not hard enough to make myself ill. I can do what I like, when I like.

I will never again start a relationship with a man just because some people think I'm weird for being single or because society suggests that a single woman is some kind of failure. I will never again start a relationship with a man for fear of loneliness.
If someone really special comes along then maybe.... but I can't really see that happening to be honest.

I am ancient & have been single for most of the past 20 years after two emotionally abusive relationships.

I have lovely DCs but they are grown up and live thousands of miles away.

I live in a tiny place and have terrible social anxiety so OLD/meeting anyone isn't going to happen.

Life is horrendously lonely and I'm not even officially old yet.

I'm 59 and don't care if I never see another dick again.

Happily single, own home (thanks solely to mum and dad's inheritance because otherwise I'm shockingly poor), live with my dog and love it. I am never compromising my life, time and enjoyment for some miserable bastard who will pull out all the stops for three months, then expect to sit back and be facilitated at every step until he dies.

But why would you choose to be single when there are so many intelligent, attractive, available men who want a loving, mutually beneficial relationship out there?!

Or as a woman once said to me with considerable feeling, 'If you're lonely, don't get a man or have children, get a dog because if you love a dog and look after a dog, then they will love you back'.

DandyMandy and hellsbellsmelons. Thank you for reminding me that it's worth holding out for someone extraordinary. I've been happily single for a long while but for a few months a friend of a friend has been making suggestions that we try dating. We get along well as friends and have similar interests and hobbies but there are quite a lot of things things that mean he is not quite right for me as a boyfriend. Every time I start to think well what have i got to lose by dating him, I'm going to remind myself that he is not extraordinary.

But why would you choose to be single when there are so many intelligent, attractive, available men who want a loving, mutually beneficial relationship out there?

Not sure if that was tongue in cheek, as it isn't the case,I work in a male dominated industry and the single men I know are not ones that you would want to have long term relationships with.
They are single because they are addicted to drinking, drugs, sports or gaming. I think women & men after a certain age are looking for different things from a relationship. Women want someone who will really add to their life whereas the men want someone who will fit around their life.

I'm a single parent with little time so it appears I'll be alone forever. I'd like another child but it's looking unlikely

I don’t feel doomed to be alone, I am choosing that route because I’m so put off by my ex. Life is just easier and more content without emotionally toxic relationships. I understand they aren’t all that way, but often they start out fine then switch on you. I just want a peaceful life with my family!

Life is just easier and more content without emotionally toxic relationships. I understand they aren’t all that way, but often they start out fine then switch on you.
Yes, that's definitely what happened to me in my last relationship. It switches without you really noticing at first and then you end up in a right mess.

I feel doomed to be single forever too. I rarely feel attraction to anyone and when I do I feel so anxious I can never be myself.

They turn out to not want a relationship but don't tell me til it's too late. I've tried not caring not getting too involved but still get the anxiety and I am sure they pick up on it. It's a constant spiral.

I am a single mom to a 12 year old dd and (normally) have a busy life. I hate the constant feeling of doom and not being quite good enough.

I have so many reasons why I won’t enter in to another relationship. But the bottom line for me is that I don’t get back what I invest. All the compromises that come from being with someone, putting all my feelings into it, the time spent doing things they want to do. I could go on, but what they give me in return just isn’t enough. It’s just not worth it to me anymore.

I am also choosing to be alone.

I've been married three times and raised five children. It's MY time now and all the blokes of my generation seem to want to sit in front of the TV interminably, drinking beer and eating pies.

And yes, I tried a younger man. Last husband was 21 years younger. Great around the house but always itching to do stuff that the kids prevented me from joining in with.

It was always great at first and then degenerated. Whereas my terrier has been constant sine day one. I shall stick with her (and possibly a few cats).

I suppose the point is at this age (in my 50s) all the good ones are married.

I own my own house and I’m not losing it to some chancer who might think he could move in and have a claim. Unfortunately that IS how it can work.

All the good ones cant be married! We aren't, ergo some men must be in similar positions... unsatisfactory previous relationships, widowed, etc. Of my friends who split or divorced in their 30s or 40s not many have remained single for long. Maybe they are lucky, I dont know.

We aren't, ergo some men must be in similar positions

Whilst that makes sense on the surface, I think it's pretty well known that women are more likely to leave a relationship/marriage that isn't working for them, even if it means being single, than men are.

Read any thread on here where a man walks out of a marriage and the response is always "look for OW". I'm not saying men never leave to be on their own but I do think its less common. Whereas when women post about wanting to LTB it is rarely to run into someone else's arms. So I do think the pool of decent men is much smaller than the pool of decent women.

True, and that was my experience despite us both being dissatisfied. But my ex would make an OK partner for someone else, just not for me!

And even if it is women who instigate most splits, I don't think it follows that what's left behind (i.e., the men) are always big fat rejects in everyone's eyes.

I don't have any faith in online dating etc though, I've always thought it was utterly weird and I'm not going down that path. I'll come back in 5 years and tell you what occurred! Probably nothing :)

@Techway Yes! I was being sarcastic

And thank goodness, those addicted men at your workplace are single and not making some poor well intentioned woman's life a misery and wasting her valuable time.

Me! I don't feel doomed though, I feel liberated, free and excited about all the possibilities and opportunities the future holds.

I've been single for 4 years now and cant imagine ever having another serious relationship- as pps have said, the 'reward' just isn't worth the investment to me. I've put my energies into my kids, business and house and its really paying off :)

What goals have you got for yourself? X

And to the above (and my earlier posts) I'd add that for me at least, there arent many downsides, actually, to frivolous window shopping and having a bit of fun. I rarely meet people I seriously fancy but if I do I'll give em a trial run and see how it goes. Safe in the knowledge that if it all goes wrong (and it has, absolutely has), it isnt catastrophic because I'm suitably housed, solvent and not reliant on a partner for any immediate needs.