This has been on my mind for a long time. Long post for context alert!
My H left last September. I am currently at the decrees nisi/consent order stage. (I have initiated the divorce).We have 3 teenagers. I was devastated and I still care deeply for him, we are amicable and had been married 21 years together for 25.
About 3 years ago our sex life took a bit of a nosedive as he was in to domination (me dominating him), never an issue as I enjoyed it to a point but it had got more and more extreme to the point where I felt “just me” wasn’t enough for him without the games. We had an honest chat and but he locked all the toys away and then his sex drive dropped right off. Things got much less intimate and I began to feel unattractive which had a knock on ongoing effect. I left a job I loved as I thought that was the issue (NHS) and ended up in a couple of new roles which were way more stressful and think I had a bit of a breakdown TBH. I am now back in the role I love.
My Mum was seriously I’ll in hospital Then recuperating with us for 3 months and then our 11 year old was groomed online with police involvement etc (he is a copper).
Throughout all of this he was amazing and supportive although there was underlying tensions between him and one of our teenage twin boys which was difficult as I was in the middle.
After Christmas 2018 and before NY he finally dropped the bombshell that he felt all the previous described had drained our relationship/spark was gone/not in love with me any more/no one else / yadda yadda yadda. We did couples counselling where I was able to talk about the sex issue etc but he had shut all his feelings up in a box and we got nowhere. So in 2019 we sold our home and both bought separate houses.
To my point.
Alongside all of this is my very close friend, let’s call her C. I have known her for around 8 years. We were initially part of our Mums group Doing loads of active stuff, camping, socialising etc and became really close. There was socialising as a foursome with her and her H.
Her relationship however was on the rocks and she started going through a really messy separation 2 years ago though which H and I Between us supported her as best we could. We lived down the road from each other and our house became a bit of a sanctuary . She and H get on really well - this never reallY bothered me until the Beast from the East time. I remember being out in the snow and watching him teasing her with snowballs and mucking around but walking on eggshells with me. That was the first time I ever had any doubts. I asked him outright about it and was given the don’t be daft talk. I trusted him implicitly and put that thought on ice.
Over the next year or so there were times where he would be alone with her such as group camping trips where they went down early and set up tents then sat in a bar doing work together waiting for me and the rest of the group to pitch up. Just bits and pieces.
I love C - she is still having a shit time and her kids are also really hard work with various issues. I trust her and I am almost positive that there is nothing going on.
However I was chatting to a mutual friend the other night and admitted to her that I felt awful for these thoughts but nonetheless. She said that it was clear as day to a lot of them that my H “lit up” when she was there and came out of his self constructed shell. That has shocked me a bit.
It’s such a strange situation to be in and it may be a moot point as we are divorcing but its really eating away at me that maybe he has a giant crush on her and does she know?
Argh anyone had anything similar? Xx