I miss him. Talk me out of replying

[LostandLockeddown]

I was with my ex for 18 months ish. We met online. It took a while to get together properly and then it was just lovely and honest for about 6 months until Xmas.

We're in late 40s/50s. But then he ended it a couple of weeks into lockdown.

He said we're too different. There are things that don't sit right with him. But now, 2 months later, he's still texting to say he misses talking to me and he is thinking about me.

I haven't replied. But his latest messages have set me back. I love him. I want him back but I know I shouldn't. I'm so sad.

I feel awful ignoring him. Help. 😢

I have blocked him now. Feels awful though. I'm so sad.

He just wants to know if he could have you, should he want. Good call blocking him. He’s set you back emotionally but now you know he doesn’t care at all about hurting you. He dicked you around, so selfish. I’m sure he knew you were sad about the break up, he just wanted his ego stroked.

Make sure you delete his number from your phone & the message thread. Make it so you just don’t have his number anymore or a way to contact him.

You’re doing the right thing. It hurts but you will feel better in time. I’m sorry he got your hopes up again this way. It’s really quite cruel.

Then one final normal chat on the phone and a couple of WhatsApp messages and.... Nothing. Ghosted.

There's now even less reason not to block him on everything. It's a physical action of your fingers that takes a couple of minutes.

You will feel better for blocking someone who hasn't treated you well, and also more in control.

To risk hearing from him again and him hurting you, or have to have willpower not to message him, is all pretty unnecessary.

And of course you'll find someone else. You don't need him. You really don't.

This could have gone on for years if you hadn't blocked him, and destroyed your mental health and self esteem.

I read somewhere once that men keep coming back to old relationships like a dog sniffing it's own vomit.

That's it - unfortunately. Sitting there bored, with his phone, not had anything brewing for a while, feeling bit sorry for himself. Sniff sniff sniff.

(women do this to).

Hey LostandLockeddown... I didn't read that message where you met up with him had tears then he ghosted you.

Horrible. But you have learned an invaluable lesson. Next time. Keep yourself safe first and foremost throughout all parts of a relationship, from beginning to end.

You may choose to 'trust' someone to some extent, but never roll over like a puppy, exposing your vulnerable side and expect never ending love. That's the unloved child in you. It's not the real world. Be a parent to yourself, love and look after yourself - never ever expect that from a man.

Sadly - do not give anyone a second chance. 9 times out of 10 they just want an 'in' to have a wallow at your expense. Women do this to men too btw. It's emotional dumping. Now you'll recognise it at 10 paces. Never engage.

Good luck.

Also people like this are often driven by power imbalance. He may well have a big unrequited love in his past, most definitely a collection of women like you he has, distanced and dropped.

He'll find equal partners for periods but then the gnawing will start, so he'll start the game. He's probably not conscience of it. However, never think by explaining this to someone you will 'solve' it.

Thank you for kind replies.

@rosabug your last post is spot on. I won't say too much as it's too identifying but childhood issues with abandonment on his part. I've only just recognised that he's followed a pattern in doing this. I knew that's where the need to push me away came from but there's much more than just keeping someone at a safe distance if he's capable of this. I wasn't trying to fix him. I encouraged him to look at doing this himself as he does have therapy. Looks like he's not ready or willing to engage with it though.

I can rationalise it all but this last bit of behaviour shocked me. So disappointed. I really loved him. He loved me too but no sooner did he realise it, he sabotaged it.

Thanks for support though. It really does help. @SoulofanAggron that was really nice of you to say I'll find someone else. I need to hear that. I'm not sure I believe it. I need to work on that for myself. Why I never think I can have someone. I've always felt alone and unlikely to be loved