Are there really any good men out there?

[Tillylils]

I've been single for a while and I just seem to be meeting to talking to online, a long stream of horrible men.
My father is a good man but I don't know any others. When I think of all the men I know, there isn't one that I think you make a good partner and would treat a woman correctly.
I don't think I'm asking for too much, he doesn't have to be amazing looking, just someone who will behave decently.
Feeling a bit hopeless at the moment.

I'm with one of the famous saddo loser over-30 rejects and having a great time of it. He isn't a Good Man, but knows his imperfections, doesn't take himself too seriously and makes an effort.

My exh still wears his halo with pride.

You'll get there. Sometimes the cracked jug turns out to be your favourite.

@GinasWig

Are you single ? If so do you fall into the category -
Think about it. If she is so good why would she be single? She would be snapped up and kept

Many of you seem to think that a man is a "one size fits all " and that no man or woman EVER learns from their past relationships. Is a woman a " one size fits all " too ? She didn't make it with one guy so she is never going to make it with anyone ?

I had this actual experience when I was OLD - a coffee colleague sat there and said " what's wrong with these men though that they are on these dating sites ?" I said to her " oh you mean like me? " Needless to say she was speechless.

Open your eyes ladies .

Open your eyes ladies
Open your eyes, and see how many of us "ladies" have already objected to that comment.

@ginaswig, no he isn't unattractive at all!

I'm not single. I think if a man is truly that great they just would not be single.they must have a problem.. commitment phobe, shit at sex, unattractive, has addictions... they have something wrong.key is to find one with an issue you can live with. I didn't say this is true of women. That's my view of men.

Ginaswig, has your current partner ever been single?

I’m married to one and I know lots of others who are married to friends of mine. They certainly exist!! Don it give up hope OP!!

Also, give a guy a chance that you normally wouldn’t and see what happens! By a chance, I’m not telling you to sleep with them but just go for coffee with someone different. My husband is WAY out of my league and made me really nervous! I wouldnt have thought he’d find me attractive when we met but he certainly does! My friend is married to a work colleague she wouldn’t agree to go on a date. He bought her a coffee to her and asked her if she’d let him take her for a coffee after work but she said he was too nerdy! One day she just went and bought him a coffee and said hello back to see what he was like... turns out he’s really, really funny, sweet and decent!

I'm 50 and have been single through choice for over a decade. So I've never tried OLD and I haven't been looking to meet a man.

But, in Jan this year I started dating a man I met in my gym. He's usually very quiet (classic introvert) whereas I talk to everyone. Somehow we started having little chats every time we saw each other in the gym (3-4 times a week) and then started leaving together and having longer chats outside (remember this was winter so cold and often wet!). Eventually I lost patience (standing in the street in the freezing cold doesn't agree with me no matter how attractive I find him) and asked him out for a coffee. He said yes. And that was how it started.

We're still seeing each other despite lockdown (although we socially distance od course) and so far I'm really happy. He's lovely. He's younger than me (39, eek!) but he's probably more mature. . He had a partner for many years but that ended hence him being single. He has a good, rather intellectual job where he works mainly on his own. He socialises with a small group of long time friends and his family. He's a homebody who enjoys his own company and doesn't really go out. He has no online presence. If he hadn't have joined my small and very friendly gym, and if I hadn't initiated conversations with him, it's very unlikely that he would have met anyone. Luckily for me, it happened.

He's the first man I've had any interest in for over 10 years. So far (5 months in), he's kind, he's thoughtful and considerate, we have similar values and we enjoy working out together (or cycling or walking) and eating good food. I haven't yet discovered what secrets he may be hiding - so far his worst habit is drinking instant coffee. . Only time will tell but it does give me hope that there are occasionally decent older men out there. But my story also shows how meeting them really is down to luck perhaps!

Good point @ravenmum even the good ones I assume have been less than saintly and had previous relationships, how does that not make them undateable

I’ll be honest, I’ve never been a man hater...had only really met good ones in real life but just either never fancied them enough and ended up friend zoning or the timing was wrong or just wanted different things. I think when you’re long term single people expect you to have a history of being wronged by men, but that’s not really been my experience. There are (or were) some really good ones, but, I think they get snapped up young, get married and stay married. I didn’t feel negative about men until recently when trying OLD and was shocked by the amount of sleaze bags there are. Every day I beat myself up, why didn’t I just stay with one of the ones I friend zoned in my youth then I wouldn’t feel torn between the choice of OLD which I hate or potentially being on my own forever🙁

Raven yes and i used to gasp how are you single?! With time i found out why.

Top tip: go for shorter men. Overlooked by 90% of women when OLD. Plenty of hidden gems in the shortarse demographic.

SheWranglesRugRats

I prefer shorter men. I'm 5'3 and my boyfriend is the same height as me. I've never understood the attraction to tall men.

Disagree about the shorter men.
A huge amount of them that I know seem to have the Napolean complex! Very angry, aggressive men with a short fuse!

@Ceriane I completely agree with you re friend zoning guys in the past. I turned down an unbelievable amount of gorgeous and lovely men because I was always obsessed with some undeserving arsehole.
Iook back and cringe now, most of them are in long term relationships and marriages now and I'm finally addressing the unresolved trauma who h led me to waste my time with abusive and self centred narcissists

Same height is fine, but I admit I would be a bit put off by a man who was 5'3 as that's six inches shorter than me. I imagine he'd be put off me, too; never been approached by someone that much shorter.

With time i found out why
What a cliffhanger! Commitment phobe, shit at sex, unattractive, had addictions? :)

Same height is fine, but I admit I would be a bit put off by a man who was 5'3 as that's six inches shorter than me

I think I'd he put off someone who was 6 inches shorter than me too!

I'm 5'10"- I will NEVER date a man shorter than me ever again. Ive tried it multiple times and even though I didnt have an issue with height and never mentioned it ever, they wouldnt stop going on about it.

Eg. "you cant wear heels- you're too tall with them on"

Never again will I let an insecure man dictate to me what I can and cant wear. I'm sure not all short men are like that but in my experience, its THEM that has the issue with height and they were the ones who made it into a huge deal when it did not need to be.