Not sure what just happened

[Justkeepswimming95]

I'm not sure what just happened and am posting this so I don't feel quite so alone right now.

My husband was lying on top of me (fully clothed, just cuddling). He is much heavier than me and after a short while it started to hurt so I asked him to get off of me but he completely ignored me.

After several more times of me politely asking him to get off of me and him refusing, I started to cry out of sheer frustration. He just laughed at me and told me there's no reason to cry but whilst still refusing to get up. He then started to continuously tap my face with his finger and ask me 'why do you need to cry? Stop crying over nothing'. He also wiped his nose on my face twice. I was still crying as I felt quite degraded, as silly as that may seem.

He eventually rolled to the side and I got up. He was annoyed at this point and asked me what was wrong with me and I snapped 'I don't like you'. I admit this may have been wrong of me but I meant I didn't like the way he behaved in that moment.

Well, now he is livid and has told me to pack my bags and get out or go and sleep in the spare room (we don't own a home together, we live with his family as they have a traditional extended Indian family set up). We sold my car last year and agreed that we would share his but now he has stated that I'm not allowed to take it so I can't even go anywhere. I feel so stupid.

I feel so upset but I don't know if this was all my fault, he has certainly made me feel like it is. We've only been married for a year and normally we are good but I just feel anxious now.

Thank you if you have read my post. It was a bit pointless I suppose but I don't have anyone else to tell. I don't want to tell my mother as it's just embarrassing.

[justAquickQuestion101]

He sounds like a absolute freak id be gone!

[Anydreamwilldo12]

Ooof that is just horrendous OP. He's a monster and things will only get worse of you stay with him. Please go to your Mums tomorrow where you will be safe from him.

[Apileofballyhoo]

Hope you've got away from him, OP. He's abusive. I'm sorry.

[wildcherries]

I'm so sorry. I hope you can get support from your mum to get away from that situation. Not your fault. What a horrible experience. I feel for you.

[backseatcookers]

God you poor thing. This is not you, he sounds fucking horrible. He has bullied you today, with a dollop of physical intimidation / humiliation included. I repeat, this is NOT you. Please do call a friend or family member you trust and discuss this so you know that

[Isthisnothing]

This is awful and that house / environment does not sound like a safe place for you. Leave if you can.

[Mnthrowaway20202]

He certainly sounds abusive. It’s telling how he’s the one angry at you whilst he’s the one who treated you awfully. Gaslighting

[Mnthrowaway20202]

What happened with the money from you selling your car?

[AIMD]

That’s awful. I’m guessing this is a pattern of behaviour for him??

Leave tomorrow and go to your mums. Don’t worry about what people will think, it’s better than being stuck with an awful person like that.

[Pantsomime]

He’s being awful because you don’t like being bullied- that’s all you need to know - and you do know- however you look it it - you are in for a life of this possibly cut short as his behave gets worse - you must leave him. Your life is the important thing here, you, not what others think - you. Who cares if you are all divorces in your family- are they the happier for it? I bet they are- get packing and get out good luck you won’t regret it

[Justathinslice]

You did nothing wrong- your husband was being an aggressive,mean bully.

I was most worried that your MIL feels she can't say anything, because 'the men' will withdraw their care.

What??? That's horrifying. Do they have no respect? No love for their mum? They care for her as a favour,as long as she is a good girl who cooperates with them?

That's deeply, deeply disturbing.
Is this the atmosphere your husband grew up in? That women are worthy of care and attention only if they keep their mouths shut, and not be too difficult?
😞😡

[Justathinslice]

Meant to say... if your husband does hold a deeply held belief that women have no values, then you can have all the conversations in the world-it won't change his view.

[Justathinslice]

• no 'value' not ' no values'

[mortforya]

I would leave immediately if I was in your position. Go back to your mum, you need your family support. You need to report this behavior to the police. It is a very scary thing what happened to you. Let the police talk to him and let him see how serious you are taking this. He needs to know that he abused you, please op do not let this go. You can also get a barring order against him if you are scared of him.

I'm struggling to understand why you havnt left already and I really and truly, for the life of me, cannot understand why you only said you didn't like him. Seriously, op was there nothing else you could have thought to say? Please have more self respect and do not have children with this man, can you imagine having no say when he bullies your daughter or having to watch as your son mimics the actions of his father. This person is not a real man, he is discusting and has no respect for women.

[FlamedToACrisp]

He will make it seem like you're making a fuss about nothing.

YOU ARE NOT.

Leave, while you still can.

[OldWomanSaysThis]

Selling your car, living with his family with a disabled mother, physically trapping you with his body and then wiping his snot on you - oh dear - get out get out get out now before he locks you in the house.

[vikingwife]

as someone who was tickled by their abuser this post is quite triggering.

Your husband is a nasty bully & it’s good you’ve worked out that you just don’t like him.

Who wants to be married to someone they don’t like?

Best to do what makes you happy & stop caring about what other people will think if you can, they aren’t the ones living your life - you deserve to feel happy, safe & not bullied + harassed by your awful sounding husband !

[PennyInMyPocket]

If my DD was humiliated by a power crazy DH I would want her to come home ASAP.

If you don’t have anyone to pick you up are you safe there until the morning OP? What about a taxi?

[MrMeSeeks]

Leave op, leave as soon as you can.
This is abuse, it will get worse.
There may have been other times to that you may have thought were not quite right?
He is showing you who he is.
Listen to it.
This is who he is and he’ll get worse. He’s showing you he’s in charge.
Do not be ashamed of leaving, that’s brave!
He’s a bully he can be the one ashamed!
Take his car if you’re named on it and go to your moms!!

[Justkeepswimming95]

Hi everyone, thank you all for your support. I thought I would come back to update you that, after more weird and unacceptable behaviour, I finally left yesterday.

He had hidden the car keys so I had to ring my Mum to ask her to come and get me. It was awful.

I'm not sure what's going to happy now. I have had awful stomach churning anxiety since I left. He called me yesterday to basically tell me everything is my fault and to say he hopes I never come home. Lovely. The only thing he seems to care about is that I've 'embarrassed him in front of his family' and left even though his mother told me not to...I care for my mother in law but I can't stay just because of her.

Again, thank you for everything. I will update you if anything further happens x

[GilbertMarkham]

op.

You are brave.

He's embarrassed himself, more like. Nasty abusive bully.

If they back him up they're as bad as him.

[altiara]

Well done OP!

Is he embarrassed because his bullying abusive behaviour didn’t keep you in your box? It did sound like he was testing you to see how far he could go mentally and physically.

As for you being embarrassed about divorce in your family. Why don’t you think of it as a celebration of standing up for yourself and having self respect.

[Pastryapronsucks]

I am so relieved to hear you are safe, well done for standing up to him. Men like that hate to loose, congratulations on the rest of your life💐

[TheresGotToBeMoreToLife]

You poor poor thing, OP.

My ex boyfriend did similar to this. I'm 5ft2 and he was 6ft5 and he used to find lying on top of me absolute hilarious. It was fine if he used his arms to support the top half of his body so sex was fine but he did what he called 'deadweighting' on me where he would suddenly stop supporting his weight and flop down lying lifeless.

I am very claustrophobic and someone pinning me down or putting all their weight on me would send my anxiety into overdrive. I cried, shouted etc and he just laughed. He had no idea how awful I found it and I used to just put up with it.

I hope you find the strength to move on from his man x

[NoMoreDickheads]

Well done OP xxxxx

@TheresGotToBeMoreOfLife - How awful. Glad if you're free now. xxxx