Not sure what just happened

[Justkeepswimming95]

I'm not sure what just happened and am posting this so I don't feel quite so alone right now.

My husband was lying on top of me (fully clothed, just cuddling). He is much heavier than me and after a short while it started to hurt so I asked him to get off of me but he completely ignored me.

After several more times of me politely asking him to get off of me and him refusing, I started to cry out of sheer frustration. He just laughed at me and told me there's no reason to cry but whilst still refusing to get up. He then started to continuously tap my face with his finger and ask me 'why do you need to cry? Stop crying over nothing'. He also wiped his nose on my face twice. I was still crying as I felt quite degraded, as silly as that may seem.

He eventually rolled to the side and I got up. He was annoyed at this point and asked me what was wrong with me and I snapped 'I don't like you'. I admit this may have been wrong of me but I meant I didn't like the way he behaved in that moment.

Well, now he is livid and has told me to pack my bags and get out or go and sleep in the spare room (we don't own a home together, we live with his family as they have a traditional extended Indian family set up). We sold my car last year and agreed that we would share his but now he has stated that I'm not allowed to take it so I can't even go anywhere. I feel so stupid.

I feel so upset but I don't know if this was all my fault, he has certainly made me feel like it is. We've only been married for a year and normally we are good but I just feel anxious now.

Thank you if you have read my post. It was a bit pointless I suppose but I don't have anyone else to tell. I don't want to tell my mother as it's just embarrassing.

What a nasty bastard . Don’t worry about what other people might think... your husband has just given you a clear glimpse into a miserable abusive future if you stay with him. Don’t stand for this - someone who loves you would never behave like that towards tou.

He wiped his nose on you.

Someday you'll tell that story to someone and they'll be shocked you didn't leave right then.

Nobody who lived and respected you would do such a belittling and demeaning thing. Sounds like no children are involved... Thank you lucky stars for that and run for the hills as fast as you can, don't spend any time worrying about other people's opinions. This is absolutely not part of a loving relationship. Good luck.

he has a way of twisting things to make me feel like I should be the one apologising

It's not an isolated episode of abuse then. Not that that would make it ok. But this reinforces that you need to get away from him.

Sounds horrible, OP. Very demeaning. You don't deserve it. What happened this evening isn't your fault. He's obviously done some manipulation on you, as per your quote, above.

Abuser and bully.

Disgusting individual.

(And gaslighter).

Please leave. I seriously doubt this will get any better.
In fact it'll probably get worse.

Don't worry about what other people think.

They don't matter.

Your happiness and peace of mind matters.

It'll be yesterday's news very quickly. Noone really cares.

Do not have kids with this "man", it would be disastrous.

Who cares if your family has a few divorces. It means your family will understand completely.

Don’t put up with abuse because of what someone will think. You’re the one living your life not your social circle.

Go to your mum tomorrow and tell her what he did.

He trapped you with his weight.
He tapped you on the face repeatedly whilst you were crying from pain.
He wiped his nose on your face.

He’s a disgusting abusive dickhead.

He will escalate and be beating the shit out of you if you stay.

Oh and as you for saying you didn't like him ... That was extremely mild.

I once had a boyfriend hold me down and pretend burp in my ear for a few minutes, I think I'd said something about burping being disgusting or something along those lines.

I should say he was otherwise respectful/decent and did not tap my face or rub his nose on me during it nor did he crush or begin to hurt me. I think he thought he was being funny or play fighting - though he did use his superior strength to hold me down.

I was v angry at him doing that and s couple of minutes after he stopped, I cracked him a good slap across the face. He did not respond then or after. I think he learned I did not like play fighting or restraint/him taking advantage of his strength.

The relationship ended for other reasons, bit my point is that - while not a great/ideal reaction .. that's quite a feasible reaction by a woman to a man doing something like that (though he wasn't hurting me, it wasn't prolonged and he didn't do something deliberately degrading like the nose thing or almost aggressive like the face tapping thing.

Your "d" h deserved to be kicked in the balls so I don't know why he's huffing about something very mild you said.

But the real issue seems much bigger. He sounds like an abusive bully and what he deserves is to be left.

He's a bully. I'd take him up on his offer and move out. He's done you a favour he will get worse. X

Oh sweetheart. What a horrible experience. Do you have a safe space outside of your family? A community centre or international centre, a friend or gp you can talk to? Please please be safe, especially if you have started to stand up to him. If you want to pm me your area I can look into people you could contact if you want someone to talk to.
I agree with @frazzledasarock if you already have divorce in your family, as hard as it is for you to bring another one, at least you're not the first and hopefully your divorced family members will be able to support you with the steps.

I don't want to speak to him, he has a way of twisting things to make me feel like I should be the one apologising

this is really worrying. It is a sign that he is controlling.

I’m so sorry for what your dh has done to you. Talk to your mum when you can. I know it’s easier said than done, but please don’t concern yourself with others may think if you decide to separate. This is your life.

Don't worry about what other people think.
Don't speak to him about it - he's abusive and his opinion doesn't matter. Just leave.

Phone your Mum or a family member & ask them to collect you. You don't have to decide everything today but if you feel anxious & unsafe, you should remove yourself as soon as you can. And forget about what people think, we have one life & we should do our best to make it a happy one...

Thank goodness you've found out what a vile bullying piece of crap this man is early on. Get out with your head held high, be proud of yourself that you will not tolerate that kind of abuse. The shame lies with him, he's disgusting.
Go to your mum's today and don't look back

I found that terrifying to read. I would go and stay with your mum. You do not need to stay with this man out of any misplaced sense of loyalty or shame.

He’s nasty. Tell your mum. Make plans to leave him.

Not your fault at all.

That is disgusting and also rapey, as it is a bloke showing a woman that he can pin her down whenever he wants.

I had a bloke lie on me once when I didn't want it. My incident was definitely about sex (although we were fully clothed) and it absolutely gave me the creeps.

Please leave him- so glad you have a supportive mum. Things will be ok with the family I promise you. Anyone you told what he did would think it creepy and gross.

I too would feel degraded and humiliated if someone did that to me!
It's EXACTLY what he wanted you to feel - and accept without any resistance.....

He's an abusive person.
You told him you didn't like him - you asserted yourself and made it VERY clear that you know your own mind....and respect yourself enough to NOT tolerate being abused.

Get out.
I feel sorry for your mil having to rely on him for care, but you can't allow guilt over mil to cloud your thinking.
Once you're out, then at least you can do something like report him to the police and safeguarding authorities.

I felt sick reading your story. Don’t worry about what others may think, get away from that vile man

Well he's an abusive piece of worthless shit, isn't he.

You don't have kids, but when you do, one day, he'll wipe his nose on your kids.

Is that what you want for your future children?

This is it, OP. Last chance to leave. These ones don't ever let the kids go...or the womb servant who bore them.

What a disgusting turd of a man. There is no way he can continue to be in your life after he has been such a foul and disrespectful bully. I am so sorry this has happened to you OP, tell your mum, she will be outraged for you and help you to leave him. This was so upsetting to read, I would like to come round myself and give his arse a good kick.

That's shocking disgusting behaviour. I know some people have different ideas of what's funny but as soon as he saw you were distressed he should have stopped immediately and apologised. Instead he found your distress funny, showing that was obviously his intention. He seems to be blaming you for getting upset as well. I have a feeling if you don't leave, things will get a lot worse

he's horrible . what he did was very abusive. It's not you , its him. It will get worse other people's opinion does not matter. Don't discuss it with him. When it's safe to do so, leave and never go back xxx