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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

This is taking the p**s isn’t it

34 replies

Divorcingdiva · 05/06/2020 21:13

I am in the final stages of divorcing my H. We broke up last August (my choice) and by September it became clear that we couldn’t live under the same roof for many reasons, there is a history of abuse verbal and physical. Whilst STBXH has had a lot of therapy and improved a lot over the years the abusive streak is still there.
I have two young children and I didn’t want them to live in a toxic atmosphere. H would never leave the family home so I moved out with the children into a rental house nearby.
For the last 10 months I have continued to pay half the mortgage plus the rent on my new house. The house is up for sale but unfortunately it was fallen through due to C19.
H is expecting me to continue paying half the mortgage until the house sells on the basis it was my choice to move out.
The marital home whilst being a marital asset is solely in my name.
Now.. I have sustained paying £3k per month on rent/mortgage for 10 months but it means after bills etc I have nothing left whilst H is bragging that he has saved £50k.
I rang my solicitor in despair who told me that our financial order states that H is liable for the mortgage in total whilst he lives there.
Clearly he hasn’t clocked this when he signed it (he didn’t both getting a solicitor) and is going to go mad when he finds out.
I am really scared of his reaction when I tell him he is legally liable to pay the mortgage or he has to move out.
It makes me realise I am still scared of him:
He is taking the piss expecting me to pay half the mortgage as well as renting another house for me and the kids isn’t he?!

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 05/06/2020 21:17

Yes, he's taking the piss and I would have your solicitor send him a letter "reminding" him of the financial order.

Original poster

Divorcingdiva · 05/06/2020 21:20

I was thinking of telling him to actually pay for an hour of a lawyers time to explain it to him - something he should probably have done before he signed.
I think I have been more generous than I needed to be in the settlement in order to try and keep the peace for the children’s sake

OP posts:

needhandhold · 05/06/2020 21:31

Blimey. He’s living the life of Riley! If the house is in your name then can’t you move back in and make him move out? At the very least get your solicitor to send a letter stating that he will be paying the mortgage from now on.

Original poster

Divorcingdiva · 05/06/2020 21:35

I am still scared of how he is going to react. He is talking about going to a solicitor to stop me getting access to the house as it’s ‘his home’ - I know he has no chance on this.
It’s insane but he sees himself as absolutely the victim here and thinks we could have continued to live together for the past year despite both of us being in new relationships

OP posts:

Original poster

Divorcingdiva · 05/06/2020 21:36

Basically it was my choice to leave so I should pay. He really does believe this

OP posts:

BumbleBeee69 · 05/06/2020 21:45

Stop worrying about HIM so much.. hit 999 if things get scary

SoloMummy · 05/06/2020 21:50

Usually, if a person leaves the mortgaged house they're still liable for half the mortgage. If its not paid you're still liable.

Though he's signed the agreement, it's to his detriment to have not been explained, so he could easily contest this, with success.
You're liable and paying half is reasonable. However, you should also be claiming maintenance for the children.... Which will counteract some of this.

Original poster

Divorcingdiva · 05/06/2020 21:51

Solo mummy - he signed to say he had read and understood it as well as the fact he had chosen not to get legal advice.

OP posts:

Opentooffers · 05/06/2020 21:54

Everything is a marital asset regardless of whose name is on it so his savings are too.

FizzyGreenWater · 06/06/2020 00:55

If he’s boasting about saving 50k, get a forensic accountant .

SoloMummy · 06/06/2020 06:54

@Divorcingdiva

Solo mummy - he signed to say he had read and understood it as well as the fact he had chosen not to get legal advice.

But that agreement with him carries no weight with the mortgage company, which is who you have your agreement with.

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 06/06/2020 07:07

@solomummy it will absolutely hold water with the mortgage company.

Op in had similar when I divorced my exh, I agreed to make no claim on the equity in the house provided he paid the mortgage in full and took full responsibility for bills and any debt that accrued. I had no solicitor either. When exh got into arrears and the the bank contacted me I provided a copy of the signed legal document and they wiped all record of the arrears from my credit file and agreed that the debt was nothing to do with me.

The only difference may be if your mortgage is solely in your name.

He absolutely should be paying maintenance though so get csa involved asap if he won't pay direct

Treacletoots · 06/06/2020 07:45

This sounds familiar. My exH stated because I wanted the divorce, that I should pay for everything, the mortgage, the sofa on HP because he didn't want it etc

He didn't contribute towards the mortgage because I kicked him out, and I was so concerned he would move back in if I pushed the matter, I let it slide.

Don't be me. I didn't have children. I didn't have legal advice. Get him out and get half of his savings. Get a good solicitor and do what is right by your DC and yourself.

I think you may be so used to complying with what he wants that you are going along with this. It stops now. Please, you will regret it if you don't stand up for yourself and your DC. We are ALL behind you here.

Original poster

Divorcingdiva · 06/06/2020 08:27

Thanks. I’m actually not bothered about getting half the savings. We have a clean break deal which is 50/50 on the equity in the house once we sell it.
I just don’t want to have to pay for two homes until it is finally sold.

OP posts:

JustBeingMoi · 06/06/2020 08:42

Definitely taking the piss my lovely. I have been face with a similar decision but got my husband to see sense. I have essentially made him move out. He wasnt prepared to initially, and I got some advice, and they told me the same thing. When I put it to him that if I had to move out he would need to cover the mortgage and bills as I wouldn't be able cover both, he saw sense and went to his parents.

At this point in time you need to be looking after yourself. I know it is difficult and scary, and you worry about the consequences, but for your financial security, you need to tell him that as you have been given no choice but to move out of the family home, and obviously the situation had run on longer than you expected, you can bo longer afford it, and you will not be continuing to pay both. Good luck lovely.

millymollymoomoo · 06/06/2020 08:44

As it’s your name only in the mortgage you are liable to pay and any default will impact your credit rating

Move back in and seek an occupation order so he needs to leave

When working on the settlement make sure ALL assets are included which includes any savings he has collated.

Healthyandhappy · 06/06/2020 09:01

Can u get a mortgage furlough so 3 months off?

Healthyandhappy · 06/06/2020 09:03

I'd move bk in he has a new gf so wont want u their infact he will.move out

Healthyandhappy · 06/06/2020 09:03

Also if u have kids he cant make u sell anyways if under 18

Original poster

Divorcingdiva · 06/06/2020 09:48

It’s me who wants to sell the house - we have around £400k equity that will allow us both to move on comfortably - we are fortunate that we are both relatively high earners.
I did say that if I had to carry on paying for both I would move back into the house when my contract is up on my rental property. The reality is though I couldn’t put our children through a toxic environment for the sake of £

OP posts:

Fluffykitten23 · 06/06/2020 09:56

@divorcingdiva I have no legal knowledge but i just wanted to say you sound like an amazing mother. Good luck op.

SimonJT · 06/06/2020 09:59

Are you able to take a mortgage holiday?

You say the house is in your name, is the mortgage also only in your name?

Original poster

Divorcingdiva · 06/06/2020 10:14

Yes the house is in my name only, I could take a mortgage holiday. I told exH I was thinking about it and that’s when it blew up. He said he could afford to pay the full mortgage but would need to give him half back when we sold the house.
My solicitor said the equity would only be divided as per the provision in our consent order and so he wouldn’t be able to get half back

OP posts:

SimonJT · 06/06/2020 10:28

I may be wrong, but surely if only your name is on the mortgage you are the only one liable to pay the mortgage. While it may be an asset of the marriage if the house is only in your name why did you move out?

shootmenow2020 · 06/06/2020 11:34

Why are you telling him? Get your lawyer to send a letter and he needs to liaise with the lawyer directly not you. That's what I did anyways. That's what your paying a lawyer for. If he's refusing to pay the rent, give him notice and get a tenant in.

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