DH and colleague's message?

[PissedOffPartner]

I have gone to use DH's phone on WhatsApp and saw there was a woman who's number was not saved in his phone who he'd sent a photo to so I opened it. When I did it was a photo of her which said "thanks" and he'd responded with something work related. I'm thinking there's more to it.

They've only been working together from this week as far as I'm aware (although worked in the same place and knew each other before) but the photo of her with just a thanks after makes me think he deleted the prior conversation because it didn't show one or both of them in the best light. That makes me even more curious because if you're ashamed of it/concerned what your partner would think then it shouldn't be happening.

I don't know how to approach this as he's prone to lie about unnecessary things anyway to please everyone.

Some advice please?

My phone is full of photos of coworkers - im in charge of putting together the newsletters, staff directory etc. If it was the first message, likely he emailed her asking for it and she texted it to his phone.

I think you need to chill out a bit OP.

I have to take photos for ID because of social distancing.

I hadn't thought of Someone's point.

@PissedOffPartner Was the picture of her dressed slinky or professional?

He's not in a senior role or in any capacity where he might be requesting a photo though. The first WhatsApp message is her photo and her saying thanks as if he'd sent something to her before.

It's hard to tell. I wouldn't say professional but in my role we dress quite formally. It looks like she had new hair and nails, like you'd send to your female friends before a night out maybe.

I've name changed but I've posted before about him and I'm not sure if things are now adding up or as you mention, perhaps there's something innocent in this situation.

@MrsTerryPratchettMrsTerryPratchett

If you don't mind me asking, why do you have to take photos for ID because of distancing? What line of work are you in and how does that work? Just wondering if it could be the same.

Unless there’s a huge drip feed coming and the photo is a deeply inappropriate one, this sounds like a serious overreach on your side.

I think you are massively jumping to conclusions for which there is zero evidence for.

We all have photo ID for work. These are normally taken in a tiny room by HR. Now no one is allowed in the tiny room

So we send a head shot and HR sorts out ID. Housing.

I am on the fence with this one and feel like I need more info to decide if it's suspicious or not. I don't understand why she'd be sending him a photo of herself (via WhatsApp too). Doesn't seem the most professional way to communicate with a colleague but I guess it depends on where they work/what role he is in.
Has he been unfaithful or given you reason not to trust him otherwise?

At work we have to wear I.D. lanyards at all times. The photos are usually taken with the school's ipad. I could easily imagine new starters being asked to take their own photos and text them.

I have also been asked to text photos for newsletters. As staff won't necessarily see the new people around the building because of working at home, having a photo in the newsletter with a "Welcome to Jane Smith" message seems likely.

I’ve sent a photo to a colleague at least twice just this week. And very likely followed it up with a ‘thanks’. Once was because he was pulling together CV’s for a contract and needed a pic. The other was because he was updating the website. So.... send photo, thank him for putting it into the document. Nothing even slightly dodgy

@coronawoes i work in a energy firm in the city and the vast majority of non-confidential communication happens over whatsapp. Faster and easier than email

Oh, and I’ve used WhatsApp not email because it’s quicker to do from my phone

Ah, so WhatsApp is not an unusual way of communicating with colleagues then. Must just be unusual in my line of work.

I'm leaning towards this being an innocent thing now OP.

I’ve sent a photo of myself to a colleague this week for work ID. I started in March but have only just sorted some ID issues so my work ID is only just getting done. It was just a photo and ‘taaaaa x’
I think you’re jumping to conclusions here

I've has a few whatsapp msgs from colleagues over the last few months which start with a photo and a very short message. It's usually because the pic is needed either for a newsletter or some form of cv/id and they're having email problems so they send to me and I sort it. Wouldn't think too much of it personally, but only you know the backstory and sounds like there's already trust issues

My DH has given me reason not to trust him, there was a thread about it before but I've name changed. He's not entirely honest with me and quite a few thought I should LTB. I didn't because of lack of evidence so finding this I wondered if it was something to consider.

He's not in HR or anything to do with IT or security. I, too, need an ID badge for my job but these badges are usually taken officially and if not because of distancing, I'd assume they would just go directly to a line manager/HR? Not someone who is in a role equivalent to yours who never had your number before.

Perhaps it's an overreach but I just wanted to know what you'd do if you found that on your partner's phone, talk to them about it or just keep it up your sleeve and say nothing for now.

Nothing in it, if it was anything to worry about his would of complimented her on her looks but it was just work drivel.

Say nothing for now

No I’m not sure. Why a picture when he is not in a position to request one. I’d keep your eyes on it and your powder dry.

Oh, sorry, in that case, I’d keep quiet for now. Hope it turns out to be nothing.

See if it disappears. Also go to his WhatsApp again and go to start a message.. it'll show you who he talks with the most. I would also take note of the number.. in case you find it disappears or is changed to a male name at some point! I'm only suggesting these things as you've said he's got form; I have unfortunately also been where you are and it's a horrible way to live wondering what the fuck is going on right under your nose..

It made me wonder if there was one before it that he commented on then she sent another and she's said thanks for the comment? I have a friend who bombards me with pictures and I might comment on the first one but not subsequent then message her something else another day, like he has sent her something work related the next day.

I've just realised something, she sent this photo within 40 minutes of finishing work with him. He was home 45 minutes later than expected 3 out of 4 days this week. We had a conversation about why that is because due to our jobs we need to swap childcare. He didn't have an answer and the subject went off course a few times until I gave him an excuse, saying, if things "crop up" then he needed to let me know and he said "I can't help it if things crop up or promise I can be back at a certain time if there's still stuff to do at work."

I'll say nothing for now and just see if I pick anything else up. I just hate feeling as though I can't trust him.

My team at work recently had to give a presentation and we were asked to include photos of ourselves to help people match faces to names. Could be something similar here?

I hope it turns out to be nothing, OP.

Was yours a fairly long thread which involved intermitent blocking ?