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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband storms off

35 replies

MccarHM · 31/05/2020 17:54

My husband regularly storms off (home/to the car of we’re out) and leaves me abandoned with my 2 DDs. This shows he has a short fuse but will never discuss it after and will eventually talk to everyone as if nothing happened 2 days later.

OP posts:
blubberball · 31/05/2020 17:55

Well that's not cool.

MyOwnSummer · 31/05/2020 17:56

What kind of issues seem to trigger this behaviour?

I don't think that sulking and running off is a good thing at all, but context is key here.

BadgersAreReal · 31/05/2020 17:57

He sounds like a real joy to be around.

MyOwnSummer · 31/05/2020 17:58

To clarify- I don't think that his behaviour would ever be ok except as a one off where there were strong mitigating circumstances

LovingLola · 31/05/2020 18:07

How regularly does he do this?
How old are your children?

NoMoreDickheads · 31/05/2020 18:31

I don't think that sulking and running off is a good thing at all, but context is key here

Not really. What context would justify stropping around etc to this extent to you? Maybe if OP was coming on to men in front of husband and DDs, but that seems unlikely.

Happynow001 · 31/05/2020 19:20

My husband regularly storms off (home/to the car of we’re out) and leaves me abandoned with my 2 DDs
Wow OP. This is unacceptable! What gives him the right to do this to his family?

As bad as storming off to the car is, I hope you aren't saying he also drives off and leaves you behind? How old are your children?

What is he like at other times?

megrichardson · 31/05/2020 19:24

I had one who used to do that, and sometimes I didn't even know what it was I was supposed to have done.
How do you feel about his behaviour OP?

DiscoInFurlough · 31/05/2020 19:25

Look up stonewalling, OP.
Then tell him to get some counselling or you'll be the one storming off, but you wont be back.

Vamoosh · 31/05/2020 19:31

This would never be acceptable! I would never put up with that in a relationship!

Gobbycop · 31/05/2020 20:29

He sounds like a big kid.

That isn't normal behaviour for a reasonable adult.

Get him to buy the book mind over mood and sort himself out.

WhereYouLeftIt · 31/05/2020 20:34

"This shows he has a short fuse"
No, it shows no such thing. It shows that he is training you to not trigger his imaginary short fuse. He is an arsehole. A manipulative and controlling arsehole.

1990sbaby · 31/05/2020 20:53

My partner does this too. I absolutely hate it. Another one of his traits that I’m bored of seeing now. I know we don’t deserve it, just don’t understand why some men can’t talk about their feelings like adults.

Dollyrocket · 31/05/2020 22:34

More context needed OP

lifestooshort123 · 31/05/2020 22:50

I think it shows he's unable to process his emotions and discuss things in a reasonable way - it's a lack of maturity which he's aware of which is why he acts as though nothing's happened. I would sit him down and talk to him about it in a non-accusatory way and see if you can get him to realise how toxic this behaviour is and that you won't be on the receiving end of it again. Tell him it's disrespectful and he's being a bad role model to his children. Tell him that if it happens again he's on the sofa for the night (he needs time out on the naughty step). Offer to help him change his behaviour - sound supportive and not pissed off.

NinkiNonkiNikau · 31/05/2020 23:01

I hope you’re planning on him storming off to counselling. This is unacceptable behaviour

Original poster
MccarHM · 01/06/2020 11:24

Our daughters argued over something silly (they are 15 and 11) and he did I can’t stand this, it’s ruined the day again and walked off. Then drove us home in silence. Still not speaking to anyone. He is a lovely h and d the rest of the time. This happens about 2 or 3 times a year.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/06/2020 11:57

You do realise that the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none?.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up.
Did you also see similar at home?

What do you get out of this relationship now?. I feel sorry for your daughters here because they are learning here that men do treat women like this. Would you want them to be with someone like this as adults.. No you would not but you as their mother are showing them that currently at least, this is acceptable to you. His silent treatment now is furthermore an example of emotional abuse.

It matters not that he is nice sometimes. Abusers are not nasty all the time because if they were no-one would want to be with them. What you are seeing here from him is the nice/nasty cycle of abuse and that is a continuous one.

He doing this two or three times a year also is a deliberate act. He does not act like this with people in the outside world or to work colleagues, it is for you people that this treatment is reserved.

Counselling on your own should be considered, do not enter into any joint counselling with him. It is never recommended where there is abuse of any type within the relationship. It may be worth your while also contacting Women’s Aid.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/06/2020 11:59

And no he is not a lovely husband and father the rest of the time. He is neither if he treats you and in turn them like this. This is abusive behaviour from him. Such men too hate women, all of them.

bigchris · 01/06/2020 12:02

Your poor dds, they must walk on eggshells, it'll affect their later relationships, you need counselling or to leave

crochetandshit · 01/06/2020 12:03

I can tell you that if I ever went out on a day trip with him again I'd be carrying the car keys.

Sulky and stropping off, what a catch and such a positive role model on what to accept in a partner for your daughters.

HollowTalk · 01/06/2020 12:04

Two days of silence from his just because your teenage daughters argued? God help him if he ever faces real problems.

sunflowersandtulips50 · 01/06/2020 12:05

He sounds awful. He isnt a bloody teenager and should be behaving like your DD father not a sibling.

TorkTorkBam · 01/06/2020 12:07

I would ignore it. He wants peace, he can have it. The rest of us would carry on as if nothing were happening with him. Chatter on regardless.

The rest of you didn't stay silent in the car did you just because he didn't want to join in?

TorkTorkBam · 01/06/2020 12:08

Don't pander to it.

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