Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Emotional abuse

39 replies

Chocolate2020 · 31/05/2020 01:59

My loving husband who I cared about so much has lost the plot and I think what he is doing is emotionally abusing me.

After 13 years together he has suddenly turned... I have my own bedroom down to different medical problems (doesn't effect love making ect)..

Hes hearing and seeing things I'm not doimg

He has started to burst into my bedroom at night asking me if I can hear noises, I can't hear a single thing and he then goes away and just as I'm falling asleep he does it again saying he can hear talking, I think it's the neighbours or its who am I talking to on the phone.
He's even said he's heard me making sex noises when I've been fast asleep, Ive even stuck my recorder on all night just to see if there is any noises during the night and Im yet to catch a thing.

Hes started to ask to see my phone, I show he as I've got nothing to hide so I demand to see his and I look and I see nothing on his.

He keeps waking me up saying I'm awake stop pretending I saw your phone light on through the door crack.

Tonight Is the last time.
I go to bed and just as I'm falling asleep he comes in and says can I hear all that noise can I go tell the neighbours outside to be quiet, I said I can't hear a thing you go tell them.
I'm then slightly more awake so when I finally drift off I'm asleep for probably 15 minutes and I get him bursting in "who am I talking to". I litterly say FUCK OFF YOU WOKE ME UP". he says your lying I heard other mens voices, give me your phone "!.
I then said get out before I get up and punch you!. (I've never hit him before but after months of being woken up I'm about to snap). I hadn't looked at my phone since setting my alarm for 7am to get up with our children

Im now Laying in bed unable to sleep with tears in my eyes.
Thinking I haven't lost this much sleep since my kids were babies he's screwing up my sleep cycle and I'm on the verge on needing sleeping pills I can't fall asleep easily anymore.

No wonder I've been needing to nap and having no energy to do house work and not being able to home school since lock down..

He's lost the plot, he never used to be like this, he thinks I'm having an affair when I'm not.

OP posts:
Mixedandproud · 31/05/2020 02:02

I’m sorry this is happening OP, it sounds like he could be having mental health difficulties. What is he like during the day time? Is he accusing you of these things then?

1235kbm · 31/05/2020 02:09

It sounds like psychosis OP. He needs to see a Dr. If he becomes aggressive then dial 999.

Psychosis can be triggered by stress or medication. He needs to see his GP asap for an evaluation.

There's an organisation called Rethink if you need further information: You can read more about psychosis here.

Original poster
Chocolate2020 · 31/05/2020 02:51

He does occasionally say things to me during the day, that I can handle but during the night is on another level.

I was talking to my friends on a group chat and somthing wasn't working that I couldn't seem to fix and I have the phone to him to fix and he couldn't so he gave it back and did fix it and finish my chat and he came in hands shaking saying I deleted somthing before handing the phone to him and he was so sure he saw me do it.
I was shocked and told him he's starting to frighten me as he is seeing things.

I got up and told him to pack his stuff in the morning as I'm done with our marriage, I'm. Not going to be scared of my husband and develop anxiety over going to sleep.

OP posts:
lululocks · 31/05/2020 03:07

This sounds different from emotional abuse OP. If he is seeing and hearing things that aren’t happening then I think like PP’s have said it’s a MH issue, and does sound like psychosis.

Please call a MH helpline for advice in the morning and maybe sit him down and find out what’s going on in his head.

Original poster
Chocolate2020 · 31/05/2020 03:25

He needs some sort of help, whatever it is his behaviour started to negatively effect me, he has always had jelousy but this is next level.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 31/05/2020 04:06

You need to get him out of the home, no matter how you need to do it. If you need to call the police, do it. He sounds completely unhinged and possibly dangerous. He's having delusions and that is terrifying. You need to do whatever it takes to protect yourself and your children.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/05/2020 04:08

maybe sit him down and find out what’s going on in his head.

A person this delusional will not be able to look at themselves objectively. There is no discussion to be had. The op's husband is in the midst of a severe mental crisis that she can't possibly deal with.

pinacoladalover · 31/05/2020 07:03

The first thing that went through my mind is he smoking pot? This is known to cause paranoia.

needhandhold · 31/05/2020 07:14

What’s going on with him? Is he working? Does he have any family nearby he could go stay with for a while?

summerfruitssquash · 31/05/2020 08:01

Jesus Christ I’m not surprised you’re losing the plot with him, that’s so unfair!
He’s been an asshole and you’re so right for telling him to leave

Rockdown2020 · 31/05/2020 08:05

I agree with other. This sounds like psychosis. I’d reach out to your family GP and discuss your concerns. They’ll be able to help you reach medical help for him.

It’s really difficult for those dealing with this from a family member so I’m so sorry you’ve had to. It seems to be out of the ordinary and as much as I understand the want to leave/ask him to leave, I’d encourage you to contact a professional first unless he has somewhere safe to stay?

crystalize · 31/05/2020 08:18

Sleep deprivation is horrific OP I don't know how you've coped for so long, it can make you ill and take a long time to start normal sleep patterns.

Psychosis or not he shouldn't be there. He can seek help from Drs once he's safely out of the house.

Allinadaystwerk · 31/05/2020 08:25

He needs to see the gp... that's clear. You must be so exhausted. I'm not sure it is emotional abuse it sounds more like a mental breakdown especially if it is out of character. He sounds confused desperate scared and paranoid. Will he agree to see a gp?

stayclosetoyourself · 31/05/2020 08:30

Is he hearing voices?
Had it happened when you are on the same room together?

Babdoc · 31/05/2020 08:37

OP, paranoid psychosis is dangerous - patients have killed partners before now. Please contact your husband’s GP and ask for an emergency appointment for a mental health assessment.
There can be many causes, including cannabis or steroid misuse, and even brain tumours. It’s important to get him seen urgently for both your sakes.

Original poster
Chocolate2020 · 31/05/2020 11:30

We've slept apart for 3 years and not once did he come in as he knows how precious my sleep is to me due to medical problems.
He doesn't do drugs and he no longer drinks because he gets delusional and puts himself in dangerous situations (took me recording him for him to realise).

Since lockdown started he's gotten worse, and this behaviour is way out of character.
My husband is a good father and a very good man.

He is still at work.

I told him the other day I'm frightened an he said he'd never hurt me and told me not to be so silly, but I said you never know how as paranoia and jelousy can be dangerous.

Tbh I've told his family and they blame me as he only tells them about me.
I've called his family up crying and telling them he needs help and I get nothing back.

I just told him I spent the night crying and fell back asleep at 5am, I didnt get an apology he said oh and that's my fault? I said yes and he said I don't agree or believe you it took that long to go back to sleep.
WHAT THE!?.

How could any fall back asleep after that?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolate2020 · 31/05/2020 11:34

I just want to repeat... This is really out of character and is worse at night

OP posts:
GardenMagicYorkshire · 31/05/2020 11:46

I’m really concerned for you, his behaviour is unacceptable. It’s not unusual for abusers to use sleep deprivation as a form of abuse. Maybe he is having auditory hallucinations but why does that means he has to wake you up and why is he only hearing things at night?

Bunnymumy · 31/05/2020 12:12

Actually from your update op, he just sounds like a manipulative creep who has been turning his family against you for years. Now it is escalating because he wants more control over you.

Ger him the fuck out and never take him back.
If he needs help, that's up to him to sort. But he has never been a good husband to you and never will be.

Might be wise to read up on narcissists.

stayclosetoyourself · 31/05/2020 12:16

Give him a stark choice- a psychiatric assessment or to leave straightaway as his behaviour is unacceptable.
Or actually, to leave And psychiatric assessment before you will even consider him back !

stayclosetoyourself · 31/05/2020 12:17

Yes just get him out.

sunnyweekend · 31/05/2020 12:35

First of all I would like to point out that psychosis is thought to effect 1 percent of the population. Assuming that someone with a mental illness, whatever it may be, is dangerous without evidence of it is discrimination.

This does sound like a psychosis. I think you should encourage your partner to go to his GP or if he won't go then phone the GP yourself for advice.

If you feel your partner is a danger to himself or to others (I am not assuming he will be) you will need to ring the police.

Take care OP. It sounds like you are having a difficult time Thanks

longtimecomin · 31/05/2020 12:37

Google Othello disease

Original poster
Chocolate2020 · 31/05/2020 12:47

My husband is far from a narsasisst and I don't think he's turned his family against me I just think that he cant do wrong and don't want to tell him , my honest thoughts are he has ocd anxiety and its now developing into somthing serious and it is out of character (I've known him long enough and I'm the kind of person who doesn't take shit from no one).

This entire lockdown and my situation makes me think of all the other men and women dealing with mental health issues...

I will keep you updated.

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 31/05/2020 12:47

Do you have someone you can stay with for a week or two to get some sleep. And tell him you're only coming back when he's got help for his hallucinations.