Emotional abuse

[Chocolate2020]

My loving husband who I cared about so much has lost the plot and I think what he is doing is emotionally abusing me.

After 13 years together he has suddenly turned... I have my own bedroom down to different medical problems (doesn't effect love making ect)..

Hes hearing and seeing things I'm not doimg

He has started to burst into my bedroom at night asking me if I can hear noises, I can't hear a single thing and he then goes away and just as I'm falling asleep he does it again saying he can hear talking, I think it's the neighbours or its who am I talking to on the phone.
He's even said he's heard me making sex noises when I've been fast asleep, Ive even stuck my recorder on all night just to see if there is any noises during the night and Im yet to catch a thing.

Hes started to ask to see my phone, I show he as I've got nothing to hide so I demand to see his and I look and I see nothing on his.

He keeps waking me up saying I'm awake stop pretending I saw your phone light on through the door crack.

Tonight Is the last time.
I go to bed and just as I'm falling asleep he comes in and says can I hear all that noise can I go tell the neighbours outside to be quiet, I said I can't hear a thing you go tell them.
I'm then slightly more awake so when I finally drift off I'm asleep for probably 15 minutes and I get him bursting in "who am I talking to". I litterly say FUCK OFF YOU WOKE ME UP". he says your lying I heard other mens voices, give me your phone "!.
I then said get out before I get up and punch you!. (I've never hit him before but after months of being woken up I'm about to snap). I hadn't looked at my phone since setting my alarm for 7am to get up with our children

Im now Laying in bed unable to sleep with tears in my eyes.
Thinking I haven't lost this much sleep since my kids were babies he's screwing up my sleep cycle and I'm on the verge on needing sleeping pills I can't fall asleep easily anymore.

No wonder I've been needing to nap and having no energy to do house work and not being able to home school since lock down..

He's lost the plot, he never used to be like this, he thinks I'm having an affair when I'm not.

He clearly is having mental health problems.

Maybe somehow say that this stuff he's imagining isn't happening, and he needs to get medical treatment as it's effecting your health and well being?

If he does the coming in your room thing again perhaps call an ambulance- say your husband is seeing and hearing things that aren't happening.

Are there any children in the house?

This really does sound dangerous, OP. Whatever the cause and whether it is something he can control or not, it doesn't make a difference if he hurts you. You're still hurt, or worse.

I thought othello syndrome after I watched a large lady forcing her husband to do a lie detection test, he's not that bad he is more like the husband in it.

We do have children and I'm sick to death arguing in front of them. I don't feel like he would harm our kids or the others he has.
I really think his anxiety has developed into hallucinations and he needs help, if it was me and he was telling me I'm seeimg and hearing things I'd be straight down the doctors.
Is it just a man Thing? Eg. Don't go until your on death's door......

I spoke to my family and they are worried for him aswell.

How old is he? Is he taking any medication?

Do you think he is actually hallucinating? Or just torturing you?

See here

www.nhs.uk/conditions/hallucinations/

If so I suggest you contact your GP tomorrow for an urgent assessment.

The attitude towards this man is appalling.

You don't just abandon someone who is having a psychotic break and tell him to sort himself out.

No, it's not a 'man thing' - he obviously doesn't know he's ill. He's more likely to harm himself than other people.

I can't believe that on one had someone can say that their husband is a lovely person and a great husband and on the other tell him to 'fuck off' and want to divorce him because he's unwell.

He needs medical intervention and he needs it as soon as possible. You need to phone 111 and get him some help.

He's seeing and hearing things that aren't real, he is clearly in distress. Get him some help OP. This has been going on for weeks.

He needs a psychiatric evaluation and a thorough medical one as well it sounds like he's having paranoid psychosis and could be dangerous to you or the children.

How old is he? Look up Sundowner’s syndrome with dementia. A lot of dementia patients deteriorate significantly at night. There is something very disturbing happening. Perhaps you could set your phone up to record his behaviour.

Could it be possible that he's having an affair and is accusing you of being unfaithful because of it? Could he be using the hearing things as an excuse to keep bursting into your roombto either catch you out or make bhis accusations seem more realistic?

Yep, ask your GP tomorrow for an urgent psych evaluation. Make it clear that he isn’t aware of what he’s doing so he can’t fob them off. There is a recognised phenomenon in dementia called sundowning where people become more confused in the evening, and they can also be more disoriented at night, have you had any concerns about your husband’s memory or cognitive function before this? Totally agree this does not sound like poor behaviour but more a severe mental health episode, and expecting someone psychotic to see they have a problem and deal with it is not possible by definition. If it can’t wait until morning call 999, and speaking as a member of the NHS, don’t worry about bothering anyone, etc, emergencies are what we’re here for. Hope things improve xx

I second all those saying go for medical help. He's clearly very mentally unwell at the moment and needs help. Either GP or 111, whichever will get you results fastest. It's not good that he has form for jealousy, but this sounds much more serious than that. Be very careful.

Lockdown has had an impact on people's mental health - the one person I know who has struggled was admitted a couple of weeks ago.