If your close with your Mum..

[AnxietyForever]

How many times a week would you say you spoke to one another? Either her phoning you or vice versa

We weren't very close when I was growing up and as a teenager/ young adult our relationship was very toxic.
Relationship improved when I had my DC and I'd say we are now quite close (although quite different people) and we speak daily.

We speak every day. Occasionally goes to every second day. Sometimes we speak twice a day. In normal times i might see her twice a week. We will often have a full length phone conversation even if we're due to meet up later that day. Drives my dh mad.

Most days. She FaceTimes to talk to the kids. Since my husband dies we’ve become much closer and I do rely on her a lot more. We talk about everything! No taboo subjects at all between us.

I spoke to my mum every day mostly - she tended to let me do the phoning as she worried I’d be busy or she’d be interrupted. I had times of living close by and seeing her regularly, even moved back home for a couple of years after a bad breakup, and times of living at the other end of the country and then abroad too, but would call every day most of the time. It wasn’t some huge expectation that she’d be bothered if I didn’t though.

As for what we’d talk about - how was work, have you had your tea? What did you have? What have you done today? Did you see X on tv? What’s the dog doing? What siblings/ nieces and nephews were up to. She’d ask about my ex and then after we broke up I’d tell her a bit about dates or if I’d met someone nice or whatever - not all the gory details but I could have done, she was fairly unshockable. She made some good friends later in life after being widowed and would have days out or holidays with them so I’d hear about that.

I genuinely enjoyed spending time with my mum. We did the stereotypical shopping trips, spa days, afternoon tea, weekends away etc - sometimes with my sisters sometimes just the two of us. She was a great laugh and good company. I disagreed with her on a few things and she wound me up at times as I’m sure I did her, but when I say we were close that’s what I mean by the word - she managed to be a friend whilst still also being my mum first. She’d be the first person I wanted to tell if anything significant happened - good or bad - sometimes (often actually) she’d say completely the wrong thing but it was always with love and I always knew she was on my side.

I really really miss her, she died 7 years ago now. I wish she’d got to meet my now DH and could have seen me happy and settled expecting a baby of my own.

I’m so sorry for your loss mrssunshine.

And Aliasgrape

We phone each other every day. I’m closer to my nan though and we speak on the phone about twice a day and FaceTime once.

Every day at the moment. Usually more like every other day, but we message a lot too, so may be longer but I don't realise as we are in regular contact.

We message everyday. Proper, in depth convos more like once a week.

At least 2-3 times a day. She lives 2 hours from me so I don't get to see her much 😔

Normally I see her twice, maybe 3 times a week. When we couldn't see each other during lockdown we spoke on the phone maybe 3 times a week. When we lived in different parts of the country we would speak on the phone 3 times a week and see each other once every 4-6 weeks, never any longer (5hour journey). I tell her everything and trust her implicitly like no one else in the world.

At the moment we speak every day but this is because she is all on her own. In a normal working week I would phone her maybe 3/4 times a week and see her maybe once a month

I take care of my very elderly mum one night and day a week. I am close to her, i adore her actually but i don't talk to her aside from when i am with her for practical reasons, she is quite deaf so struggles on the phone. So although i only see her once a week, i feel very close to her.

I don't think of myself as particularly close to my mum, though I've started to confide in her a little more recently. We speak about 4-5 times a week.

It’s perfectly reasonable for you to define your boundaries, OP. Tell your mum you find daily calls intrusive and that you prefer two a week, or whatever. If she persists in ringing more often, just let it go to voicemail and don’t rush to answer it until the next day. It sounds like your brother has been successful with this strategy.

@AliasGrape I feel for you my relationship with mine sounds very similar to yours she was my best friend I the world. Died 5 weeks ago I'm 27 and expecting my first baby in 3 weeks it's a horrific time wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy

We speak almost every day. I see her several times a week with the kids. We live very close.

Twice a day at the moment. Usually once a day

@DDIJ it's not very interesting. Talk about my dd, at the moment we're trying to sell the house so she wants daily updates about viewings etc, I'm pregnant so she gets a scale of how sick I feel. She tells me about friends/ relatives and gives me a rundown of baby names she's thought of overnight ( usually from tv the night before) or tells me about houses she's seen in my local area that she thinks I need to investigate. Like I said not very interesting

3 times a week then we message daily/every day either on a family chat or individual.

Sorry for everyone’s loss here

I have a bit of a different perspective as I’m a child of someone who was best friends with their mum. It took an awful toll on her relationship with her kids as her mum came first in everything, every opinion, every decision, every place we went, every day we existed was ultimately ruled by that primary relationship. It wasn’t nice as we knew that we came further down the food chain and our needs were met as an after thought sometimes. None of us siblings really have a relationship with her now.

I do worry about how I deal with people now, I tend to push people away. It’s an ongoing thing which I try to deal with but that best friends with my mum, talk all day every day thing makes me shudder.

@AnxietyForever I think your brother is probably doing it right.
It's about boundaries, and I have learned that you have to 'do' your boundaries, not simply wait for you mum to accept that you don't want to talk daily.
I would phase it out gradually - just not answer the phone sometime, and maybe respond to a missed call with a text. Something like, sorry I missed your call, the day's been very busy, will ring you tomorrow. It's worked for me.

I spoke to my mum every day and saw her maybe 4 days a week apart from beginning of the year when my dad fell out with me and she didn't phone or put phone down when I rang , now it's back to talking every day and seeing her from the garden while she is in the house that's maybe 2/3 times a week . They have just decided they want some work doing in garden so will see them every day through the window when we make a start on that

I've spoken to mine at least every other day for 30 years. I came to look after her and my dad when they got a tummy bug in February and I've been here ever since. She and DF are my best people.

Now she is dying at home after a fall and I am too busy keeping everyone's spirits up to face the truth - that all too soon I will miss her every day for the rest of my life.

Sorry about posting that. It derails the thread and tbh I should be grateful for having such an amazing relationship with my parents. A lot of people never do. And nearly all of us will lose our parents eventually.

Apologies.