Hi All,
Im just questioning the relationship I am in. I started seeing a guy in October/November last year. We kept it casual for a while and admit I was seeing another guy also. We made it official in January this year. Later in January I found out I had acquired HSV2. He didn’t care and said he wouldn’t be worried If he caught it either. A month later we were headed out for Dinner and he asks me message a friend on his for him while he was driving, I see a message to a girl. I question him and by the end of the argument I find out he has been messaging multiple girls. I forgive and say to not do it anymore. Fast forward a few weeks I start feeling unsure about us and message him to meet me, when I turn up he is already in defensive mode (he was on steroids’, yes, roid rage) he ends up screaming at me and telling me to get out of the house, I guess because he has sensed what Im about to say. He calls me a whore and a psycho and even says hurtful things about my friends. I leave. He asks to chat to me a few days later, promises to get off the roids and stop messaging girls.
We are going good until I discover again he is still messaging girls, I get upset and he promises to stop messaging. I cant handle it and after a great night with friends I end up dumping him, I couldn’t handle the drama of not knowing if he is going to do the right thing. A few days later he writes me a email asking if I really want the relationship over, he says he misses us and that the messaging is just a stupid habit after being single for so long (he is 41 and never had a decent relationship) and that he would never have actually have cheated on me. We end up getting back together. I trust he is doing the right thing and promise to keep trusting. He gets a new phone and has left it at my place, I think that itd be a good idea to check the old phone. I get on the phone and find out the entire time (January to april until he promised to stop) he had been on dating apps. I confront him and he admits he is just stupid and had been single for soo long he just wasn’t taking us seriously, I accept that he has been good since, going by the last messages sent on the dating apps. I still have the old phone and have been checking his google history and he has been good. We have another argument and break up because I couldn’t get over the dating app stuff (I know, I chose to forgive) I think to check what he does. Again he messages random girls asking if they would like to go diving with him. I don’t say anything.
We end up back together, I had chosen to forgive and didn’t do so well, he was actually being good so I thought maybe I was out of line with that argument. He has been good, even while he has been away for work. But I am still questioning if this relationship is even worth hanging onto though.
I should add, I am a single mum, he has pretty much been living at my place. He has massive communication issues (really shy) so I put that down to the reason why he messages girls. I don’t believe he is using me as he pays for a lot of things.