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Original poster

OH won't move from 130k ex council house

50 replies

worried04070 · 27/05/2020 22:53

I've been with my DP for 9 years one DD who is 6. OH has always been very funny with money he now earns 6 figures and has done for the past 2 years but won't move on from our 130k ex council house we have been to see lots of houses lots under budget.
He accuses me of wanting to ride on his coat tails all I want is a house with a down stairs loo and in a nicer area I've had to look after DD while OH was working away 5 days out of 7 he's bought sports cars, designer clothes while my earnings took a hit as my job has unsocial hours.
Is it unreasonable to want to live in a nice house if you have the means to do so?

OP posts:
Qwerty543 · 27/05/2020 22:55

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AteAllTheAfterEights · 27/05/2020 22:56

DP not DH?

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 27/05/2020 22:57

It's not unreasonable, no, but I don't think your wish to move trumps his wish to stay either.

3LittleMonkeyz · 27/05/2020 22:58

Maybe it's not about the cost but about the familiarity? A lot of people find house moves incredibly stressful. Or he's just being an arse

LexMitior · 27/05/2020 23:00

Well... how do you know what he earns?

Other than that you can’t compel someone to move house.

Final point, you aren’t married. I expect that explains a lot about your set up and why it won’t change.

HotSince82 · 27/05/2020 23:01

Is your 130K ex council house not nice?
Do you have a weak bladder or an issue with stairs?
Are you asking your DP to buy another house or would you also be contributing to the mortgage payments?

Patch23042 · 27/05/2020 23:02

He might think that the house is adequate for a family of three. Not everyone wants to upsize.

As an aside..,if you’re unmarried, as the lower earner you’re vulnerable. I hope that your name is on the deeds.

BumbleBeee69 · 27/05/2020 23:03

he sounds like a financial controlling PRICK...

Original poster
worried04070 · 27/05/2020 23:04

My name is on the deeds, and yes I have a weak bladder I would assist with the mortgage payments we have the deposit.

OP posts:
Techway · 27/05/2020 23:04

I suspect he doesn't want to invest in a house with you. It is telling that he sees you as hanging off him. Where is his respect for you?

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/05/2020 23:05

Maybe he likes it.

Qwerty543 · 27/05/2020 23:07

Maybe he thinks you're after his money.

mymadworld · 27/05/2020 23:08

This thread is almost certainly going to end up full of posts about how ungrateful you are and what's wrong with a CH etc but no, YANBU to want a better lifestyle if you can comfortably afford it. It's why most people move and upsize as and when they can afford to and by the sounds of it you can more than afford it (if you are a team). It does sound like your oh/DH doesn't want the commitment of buying a home together so that is your biggest problem that I'd be wanting to resolve ASAP.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/05/2020 23:08

He accuses me of wanting to ride on his coat tails

Translation, he doesn't trust or respect you, and your completely reasonable wishes/needs are unimportant to him. I would be running for the hills.

HotSince82 · 27/05/2020 23:09

Well its reasonable for you to get a house with a ground floor loo, other than that its very much open for discussion the kind of house which would best suit your family. Lots of people don't wish to take on a large mortgage if to do so isn't necessary.

Whatifitallgoesright · 27/05/2020 23:09

Is he worried about job security? Maybe he's scared of committing in case it goes tits up?

Are you married? How are finances split?

I take it you've no off-road parking - maybe vandalise his car, it might make him twitchy about the area.

kaleidoscopeantebellum · 27/05/2020 23:09

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NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 27/05/2020 23:10

YANBU no, it's normal to want more from life and aspire to better things

Did he actually say "riding on my coat tails"?

LexMitior · 27/05/2020 23:13

@worried04070

I think you need to work out whether your OH does earn six figures or if he’s the bloke who tells everyone that. Big difference.

Otherwise you have fallen for the oldest game in town; appointed chief cook, bottle washer and nanny, but without any of the benefits as you are unmarried.

Ask yourself, who does best from this? It’s not you, is it?

Original poster
worried04070 · 27/05/2020 23:17

He does I've seen his invoices from work he's a contractor and we were planning on marrying. Finances are I pay for food shopping internet package, council tax pretty much everything for DD and he pays the rest

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 27/05/2020 23:20

Would you consider building an extension to the house to give you a downstairs loo and a bit more space?

LexMitior · 27/05/2020 23:23

You were planning? But now not?

Also if he is making that money then fine, good for him. But plainly he doesn’t want or need to share?

overnightangel · 27/05/2020 23:28

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FlamedToACrisp · 27/05/2020 23:28

By 'funny with money' what you mean is 'selfish with money.'

I can understand that he doesn't feel the need to move, though - he's hardly home in the first place, is he? If he's working away 5 days out of 7 and then off driving his flash sports car, your home must feel almost like just another hotel room, with service included.

It seems that you both have different ideas of how you'd like to live and what constitutes a 'home'. Does he do anything to the house - DIY or gardening etc - to show he sees it as a home? I feel you need to start talking seriously about that, as well as about how he sees the roles and decision-making in your relationship.

mymadworld · 27/05/2020 23:30

Are they invoices for his labour/ time or just invoices to clients? My oh has just invoiced a client for nearly £20k but there's huge expenses to come out of that and I can tell you now he won't even see a quarter of that in his business let alone his pocket!

If it is his actual income, just be aware that there's sadly far too many women on here who will tell you from bitter experience that just because your oh earns a lot of money, doesn't always mean you or your child will benefit. If your set up is such that your income is separate and you are both happy with that and respectful of each other, that's great, but when one is living the life of riley and the other is wondering how to pay for a pair of school shoes or even the next meal, then that's no way to live your life (& big red flags for financial abuse)