Cringe

[Bother7]

There is a man I know. Have known him for about 6 months and fancied him since we met first. We are in the same social group and also whatsapp group and he is very chatty with everyone. He's also interested in a lot of the same things as me and also single. So, after many months and a shitty day at work I finally plucked up the courage and messaged him directly in an attempt to start a conversation.

I know he has visited a certain place earlier this year and I decided to ask him about it. I was very friendly in my message, asking how he was, what he's been up to and if he could recommend some places in country x. He just replied, 'Sorry don't know!' I followed up with another message asking another question and his reply was 'Oh, no idea'. He couldn't be more blunt could he? He's always had this arrogance about him so why do I fancy him? Cringe!

Sorry if I sound like I'm 12 years old. I'm nearly 40, rarely fancy anyone and have no idea how to meet anyone these days.

I think, he's just not that into you? Or he is and his communication is rubbish. Either way, not worth your time.

Imagine you chase him/ cajole (however that's spelt) into liking you/a relationship. You'd always be second guessing if he really liked you.

Find someone who is worth you, who makes it OBVIOUS he likes you.

Maybe he needs it spelling out a bit more clearly to him. Although his replies would put me off too tbh.

Yes thanks @mummymog where do I find that person?

@bother7

Fuck me if I know!

(And I definitely need to take my own advice with the guy whose my current 'interest'. Do as I say, not as I do ;) )

@mummymog Dating or trying to date is hard work!

@LadyMuck111 yes, for some reason I thought he might fancy me but from his response it seems definitely not.

If someone messaged me asking for recommendations on where to go/visit whatever - even if I suspected they fancied me and I wasnt interested that way - I'd still be polite and mention a couple of places. I just wouldnt be super friendly or flirty. If he can't even do that, he's a dick.

If he genuinely can't give any ideas, he's not very bright.

But then I find some men tend to be very blunt and lacking in diplomacy.

On any case, no he died t sound interested - unless he's incredibly obtuse and offhand.
Unlikely but ..

Arrogant, he doesn't sound like great relationship mayerial even if he was interested.

Uugh so many typos, sorry

He sounds like a dick!

You haven't made a fool of yourself at all! Don't over think it. You now know he's not polite or interested.

You should be proud you took initiative and contacted him. Now you won't be forever wondering

Have you had private whatsapp chats before, or has he invited you to direct message him in the past?

Reason I ask, is that I'd be a bit annoyed about someone from a group DM'ing me with innocuous questions that appear like they could easily have been asked in the group chat.

Don't bother texting him again.
I've done something like this before and it is a bit cringe when you get a reply back like that but these days I think so what? I thought he might be interested, I asked a question - didn't declare my undying love. Didn't get much of answer back - therefore he's not interested. Move on.
Nothing to get embarrassed about. No big deal.
Next....

It was worth a try, no need to be down about it

That is a horrible way to reply. To anyone!
Lucky escape there.
Please dont chase this dickhead. Would you really want to be with someone who cares so little about your feelings/ reaction?? Of course not!
He is lacking in social skills at the very least; cruel most likely.

Can YOU imagine sending those texts to someone? No? That is because you arent a wanker and he is

It's not that cringy, you asked a friendly question and got a vague answer, you wouldn't of known unless you tried.

Reason I ask, is that I'd be a bit annoyed about someone from a group DM'ing me with innocuous questions that appear like they could easily have been asked in the group chat.

Wouldn't you guess that they were doing it to try to make a personal connection with you (if of the opposite sex, or same sex if you're gay)?

Nothing lost here OP, but please whatever you do, don't ever message him directly again.

Sorry he sounds like either he is a dick or he's not interested. Both of which mean it's time to crush the crush.
It's so hard when you like someone and they don't like you back but at least you know now before you make a proper move on him!

Don't go any further! He isn't even able to make polite conversation. You weren't being sleazy, you were just trying to open a chat and he couldn't even do that. Leave it now. So sorry!

Sorry, really not getting why someone would be irritated about being direct messaged. What’s that about? It’s a polite reply and on you go.

Jeez but people overthink this stuff....Life is too short.

At any rate yes he’s either not interested or very lacking in social awareness. Neither is a good start.

I don’t think you should be cringing I think you should be relieved you got to dodge the bullet without any investing time!

@GilbertMarkham

Wouldn't you guess that they were doing it to try to make a personal connection with you (if of the opposite sex, or same sex if you're gay)?

Nope, I'd just think they were being a nuisance for asking perfectly mundane questions that could easily have been asked in an already pre-existing group chat.

It's just how I view and use SM. I don't appreciate people who are relative strangers PM/DM'ing me out of the blue. Fair enough if they've asked to take a convo private in a group setting, but I wouldn't regard an unsolicited DM as any different to an unsolicited phone call.

I have no problem with people approaching me in person if they want to have a personal chat, but I accept that's difficult/impossible at the moment. People need to sometimes realise that not everybody views or uses social media in the same way.

@XDownwiththissortofthingX whatsapp is not social media, it's purely for messaging! OP said she has known him for 6 months, barely a stranger.

I wouldn't say whatsapp is social media, it's a messaging app. I've chatted to him directly previously yes because he has organised events outside whatsapp group. I'm also not a 'relative stranger' but doesn't really matter anyway. He's not interested and couldn't care less it seems. Might have to join tinder at this rate!

@Luckystarr

Whatsapp has group chat functions and can post pics, gifs, movies etc. It's very definitely social media. I'm using it for this very purpose right now with a lockdown-isolated social group.

@Bother7

Fair enough. I was just offering one possible reason why his responses may have been curt. FWIW, I don't think you've done anything wrong or embarrassing. As I said, I participate in group chats myself, which some people would take as implying I would be happy to enter a private chat with any of the group members, but although I've consented to adding my phone number to the group, I don't think people should just assume I'm by default consenting to them contacting me privately. A quick 'is it ok if I pm you?" in group chat is just courtesy. Like I way though, I don't think you've done anything wrong, it's just a personal foible of mine and I can accept most people would feel differently.