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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Will he ever talk to me again?

65 replies

DollyJM · 27/05/2020 13:40

I broke up with my boyfriend a week and a half ago and he last messaged me on Thursday at 2am to let me know he was ok after I asked him if he was as I was told he was withdrawn from everyone after break up.

I replied to him after that but I haven’t heard from him since, a week almost.. will I ever hear from him again?

I regret ending things with him 💔

OP posts:
JudyGemstone · 28/05/2020 15:48

The relationship obviously wasn't that great if you were arguing badly enough to dump him. He may have been looking for an easy out anyway.

You're probably just not enjoying the idea of being single. Give it time, it'll get better.

Lampan · 28/05/2020 15:49

He doesn’t owe you an ‘adult’ discussion about it. And he hasn’t ghosted you - ghosting is disappearing abruptly when the other person thinks things are going fine. You dumped him so please allow him to move on with his life.
I don’t think him viewing your FB story means anything either really, it probably just popped up automatically after someone else’s story.

backseatcookers · 28/05/2020 16:10

OP I'm trying to think of a way to say this gently but... you dumping him in the heat of the moment was very imagine so you then saying to him you think you should talk "like adults" would have riled me so much.

Like you're allowed to be impulsive and childish when it suits you but then he should be forgiving and mature when it also suits you.

I think this needs to be a lesson for you. I don't want to make you feel more shit but you need to take accountability for this.

And if it really had been a healthy situation then he wouldn't have just stopped talking to you and not wanted to sort it. He's thought things over and agreed it should end. Respect his decision, which was (after all) your decision too!

The "like adults" comment is a very thinly veiled insinuation from you that he is being childish and as I said that would have been it for me!

Re stories on social media, I flick through mine all the time and you can't even tell who is going to be next up if you're scrolling through so you can read anything into it really.

The point is, if he wanted to be in touch he would be. If he wanted to talk, he'd reply. He hasn't and he doesn't.

You need to move on and also consider if you're (perhaps unknowingly) a little manipulative and used to being impulsive and people forgiving you.

I was a bit like that when I was younger and learned the hard way you can't make big statements like breaking up and then expect the other person to want to talk again just because you do.

Sorry OP I know it feels crap but it's done now and you need to move on.

hellsbellsmelons · 28/05/2020 17:17

You ended it.
He accepted your decision.
He doesn't want contact with you.
It's totally normal.
Stop chasing him.
Leave him be.
He knows where you stand so stop harassing him now.
If he comes to you then you can discuss things.
If not then, that is that really.

amillionwishes · 28/05/2020 17:36

OP you sound VERY similar to another poster, who split with their horrid bf and who's brother then got involved. If that's you then you really have to stop contacting him. Mainly because he's messing with your head and it was a toxic relationship to begin with.

If you're not then I'm afraid he's made it clear he's ok and doesn't want to get back together and you have to take steps to move on. It can be hard to let go of something that you would like to be a certain way, but actually isn't and will never be. Be kind to yourself but allow yourself to grieve the end of the relationship and take steps to move on.

DollyJM · 28/05/2020 18:16

I’ve messaged him and said that I won’t be contacting him again as it’s clear I won’t hear from him, officially given up, no matter how much it hurts.

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 28/05/2020 18:48

Or you could have, you know, just not contacted him again.

You're still trying to provoke a response.

Leicester5 · 28/05/2020 18:49

It's probably time to delete his number

backseatcookers · 28/05/2020 19:08

You need to move on and also consider if you're (perhaps unknowingly) a little manipulative and used to being impulsive and people forgiving you.

Is this something you can think about OP?

By saying you won't get in touch again when he has already made it clear he doesn't want to be in touch, it looks from the outside like guilt tripping and / or controlling the narrative / the outcome.

A bit like saying it's over impulsively then regretting it and asking him to talk "like adults" when it was you who acted childish initially.

I'm not saying these things to upset you more but you don't seem very self aware when it comes to how your actions feel quite manipulative - it may not be a conscious thing but it's something you need to get under control to have healthy relationships in future.

Sorry is no good without self awareness and people can see through a "sorry" that means "please ignore how I acted because I want a different outcome now."

anditgoeson · 28/05/2020 19:54

I'm sorry that you are hurting OP but I have to agree with either other posters. My ex was constantly doing this to me, breaking up with me and then messaging that it would be the last I heard from him/he needs his stuff back etc. I let him off with it alot because he apologised and said it was heat of the moment this most recent time I'm done. You have to be careful with your words.

lilacbeloved · 28/05/2020 20:03

@anditgoeson me too! Literally the exact same happened to me. I wish I normalised leaving after the first time it was "done for good".

user1481840227 · 28/05/2020 20:14

OP, are you sure you're not the poster with the man who lives with his mother.
Everything about your posts screams that you're the same person!

Nevertouchakoala · 31/05/2020 11:13

You’ve made it clear you want to get back with him and he’s not taken you up on that. I think you need to accept that he wants the break up to be permanent.

FrippEnos · 31/05/2020 12:12

The posters that are trying to blame the man that has been dumped are so funny.

AgentJohnson · 01/06/2020 11:30

Leave him alone. You appear to have cast yourself as the victim and it isn’t a good look.

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